Divorce mediation can be a better choice than engaging an attorney to represent you individually at the court. In a divorce mediation, two parties discuss their terms reasonably, without having to enter into court battles. Mediators can ensure that negotiations happen in a congenial atmosphere and in as amicable a manner as possible.
All mediators are not the same
Different mediators may have different styles. There might be differences in how they conduct a session. You may not feel as comfortable with any mediator, and this is why it is advisable to meet and talk to different mediators first, and then choose the person you want to oversee your sessions according to how you feel about them.
You may still need an attorney after the mediation process is over
Even after you have reached a settlement, you may still need to hire a lawyer who can help you complete the divorce procedures through the legal system. Sometimes it is also wise to talk to your attorneys before making your divorce agreement official.
There are couples who seek mediators and tell them that they have already reached an agreement and would like to have them settled. These couples should just skip the mediation process altogether and go ahead with hiring an attorney to guide them with their settlement.
Mediators help in resolving any disputes during the session, but if a couple has already come to a mutual agreement then they don’t need to waste their money on divorce mediation and simply head to the court. If the mediator is also an attorney, he can help the participating couple with filling out the court documents.
Mediation can be less expensive
The attorney’s role in mediation is very limited, and hence their charges are also less when compared to litigation. Mediation can take around $7000 on an average, whereas battling it out in court may cost you anything from $20,000 to $35,000 or even more.
Your divorce mediation will remain confidential
Whatever happens during the session remains only between the mediator and the parties involved. Any sensitive information likely to be shared during the few hours of discussion, are never disclosed to anyone outside of the those included in the session. There are confidentiality agreements that one has to sign before taking part in this.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce isn’t the only part of family law. It includes laws of custody, domestic partnerships, stepparent adoptions and many other things one ought to know about. Here we’ll take a look at some of the matters that are included in family law.
Prenuptial and postnuptial agreements
Sometimes when a couple decides to get married, they sign a contract stating the terms of what should happen if the marriage ends in a divorce. This is usually done to protect certain assets of the parties. These agreements are used when either party brings a large amount of wealth into the marriage and wants to ensure its security. Usually, people getting married for the second time make use of this contract in case things end up badly again.
A postnuptial agreement or a post-nup on the other hand, is signed after the couple has gotten married. It is similar to a pre-nup because it too helps in protecting both parties’ wealth and assets. Couples who have been separated for a while but get back together usually opt to sign a post-nup to ensure security.
Stepparent Adoption
The parental rights of one of a child’s birth parents are terminated by consent or court ruling, paving the way for a stepparent adoption to become a legal parent of that child. A stepparent adoption decree is then issued to the adoptees by the court, finalizing their legal right to parent the child.
The ending of parental rights can either be voluntary or involuntary. If the parent agrees to his child being adopted, he waives his parental rights concerning that child but also is no longer responsible for supporting that child in the future.
Gestational carrier (surrogacy) contracts
Gestational surrogacy is an agreement in which a woman carries a baby for someone else who becomes the baby’s parent after his birth. The arrangement is made between the intended parents and the carrier and her partner. The contract carries details of the intended parents’ rights and about all custody matters. The contract also includes matters of financial compensation for the carrier and about the medical bills during this period, and their payment. This area of family law is controversial and the number of family law attorneys versed in this area is very limited, so finding one to assist you requires substantial research and vetting to locate someone qualified to handle such proceedings.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Collaborative divorces and divorce mediation are an alternative to the messy, long-drawn out nightmare that a court led divorce can often turn into. Yet, there are a surprisingly large number of misconceptions surrounding divorce mediation, some grounded in a kernel of truth, some hearsay, others just figments of a paranoid though well meaning friend or relative. Here’s a look at some myths about divorce mediation that you need to stop worrying about right away so you don’t shy away from this alternative.
Divorce mediators just want to end the mediation fast
While it might seem like the primary goal of a mediator is to simply close out the discussion and help you arrive at a seemingly acceptable solution fast, the reality is that a mediator simply helps you to discuss your issues more amicably so that your chances of closing the matter are better. That could take just as long as any other process, it is just that a mediator gives you a platform that’s neutral where you and your spouse feel like you are on equal footing and have a voice.
Mediation is not an option for an estranged couple
While it is true that mediation will not be easy for a estranged couple, it is certainly not impossible. Divorce mediators are specially trained professionals whose very skill is to get couples who are not willing to talk to one another, to open up about their issues and work together towards a settlement or agreement that is acceptable. Mediation is actually a huge help and bridges the gap for couples who find themselves unable to speak to each other, and gets them to open up and engage in dialogue.
A court settled divorce may be more ‘fair’
In fact, both parties have a better chance of actually getting their point across in front of the mediator than they would in court where everything is left to the discretion of the judge and your attorney’s abilities. The judge will have to make their ruling based on the facts presented and the strength of the argument and evidence and testimony presented before them in family court. This may not swing in your favor, and may sometimes not even be ideal for both of you. A divorce mediation may end up giving you a more ‘fair’ closure to your divorce because it is something you will be convinced of, or will negotiate during the mediation.
A mediator is just going to try and save the marriage
A divorce mediator, even with a background in counseling, is not there to save your marriage. Mediators work with the assumption that you have done what you can and have approached them to help with the process of moving on. Their focus will be on helping you and your spouse come to some decisions on finances, children and other critical aspects of the divorce, so that you may get on with your life after divorce.
The court is the best place to win a child custody battle if your case is strong
No matter how strong or watertight your case might seem, a skillful divorce attorney could make an equally compelling case for your spouse to get sole custody. Because a court based decision is by its very nature confrontational it could even push an otherwise neutral spouse into getting aggressive and unreasonable. To make matters worse, your children may have to witness all this unpleasantness or even be called to give their testimony or be subjected to questioning as part of the court’s process. Instead, divorce mediation can help you and your partner come up with a parenting plan that is best for the kids and doesn’t leave either of you out in the cold.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Temporary restraining orders are well-documented and those in need move heaven and earth to make sure they get them to protect themselves and their children from potentially abusive situations involving their estranged spouse during a divorce. However, there are also other restraining orders applied to both partners, in some states, as part of the normal process even in the absence of any abuse or violence.
What is an automatic restraining order?
This kind of restraining order is one that comes automatically into force once divorce papers are filed and served to the other partner. The scope of this kind of order limits certain types of actions from being taken after the divorce is initiated and is prevalent in some states and doesn’t exist at all in others.
Automatic restraining orders apply to everyone
The terms apply to both the spouses, regardless of which of them filed for the divorce, provided they are in a state that has the system of applying these restraining orders automatically to all divorces.
Specifically, such restraining orders relate to things like putting liens against marital property, modifying insurance beneficiaries, sale of property, as well as withdrawal of funds from bank accounts.
How Automatic restraining orders impact child custody
If there are children involved, then the scope of the order also typically covers the process to be followed if a child is to be taken out of state during the divorce process – usually requiring the written consent of the other parent. This is done to prevent foul play or one parent taking the child away during the interim to potentially build a stronger case for their need to get full custody once the divorce is final. This way, a child still has access to both parents and the flight risk is also minimized.
Modifying an automatic restraining order
Even if you are in a state that has an automatic restraining order you can approach the court to make a change if needed, depending on the situation. For instance, if there is a dire need to make the sale of marital property in the interim for either or both of the spouses to eke out a living, or if one parent is unable to get hold of the other to sign off on approval to take the child out of state, the court can intervene and override the automatic restraining order.
Temporary restraining orders or permanent?
It is important to note that automatic restraining orders cease to be valid once the divorce is finalized. If some aspects of the restraining order need to be carried forward after the divorce, these will need to be explicitly mentioned in the final divorce agreement. Because automatic restraining orders are linked to certain stages of the divorce process, they end when the divorce ends. In that sense, they are not unlike a temporary restraining order. Just remember to be sure you have all your bases covered when the divorce does finally come through.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce is a challenging time even for otherwise calm individuals, but when you throw a challenging partner into the mix, it can be a nightmare. If you’re going through a divorce with a difficult spouse, there are some time-tested techniques that should see you through the mediation process.
Lay ground rules
Use your first few sessions to work out the details of how you will manage things durign the divorce process itself. Decide on who will take care of various expenses on running the home and servicing any shared marital debt during this time. Make this official by drawing up an agreement that holds for the duration of the mediation or until the divorce is final. That way you hold them to their word with the law on your side. If you have children, then decide on a temporary parenting plan and visitation schedule as well.
Meet only during mediation
Avoid any kind of contact with your spouse other than during mediation. In the neutral environment of the mediation, you will have the safety of another adult present to prevent things from getting out of hand. It will also ensure you are protected by confidentiality law that applies to the mediation process. In case you have children together and need to interact, keep that to the bare minimum. Do not engage in discussions outside of the divorce mediation meetings. Ensure any communication with a difficult spouse is only done in writing to avoid any misrepresentation of facts later. Consult your divorce attorney before putting anything down on paper or on an email.
Take a deep breath and avoid direct confrontation
A difficult spouse knows exactly what pushes your buttons and then goes ahead and does just that. Avoiding falling into their trap, even if it means holding back a bit. Losing your cool will be detrimental to the divorce process and could cause the mediation to fall through or might see you making some rash decisions in the heat of the moment to get them off your back. It may be exactly what your estranged spouse wants and you will be walking right into their carefully laid trap. As hard as it may be, you will need to be the calm one in all of this. Remember, they may be acting up because they feel threatened and insecure. So stay confident and use the help of your divorce lawyer and work with the mediation expert to get through to a solution that’s acceptable.
Ask your mediator for a caucus
If things get especially heated or you are failing to make any progress on a particular issue, the mediator can have separate private discussions with each of you to move things along. This can help if your spouse is refusing the budge on an issue, and you are firm on your stance too.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The labyrinth of law processes can always be a little daunting and unfortunate. The terminology and basic functions of any process could be a very time consuming and tedious process that could take a lot of your time, leaving you to be an unproductive worker at your place of work. This could devolve into a situation that could trouble you a lot further.
In the case of divorce, there are various types of settlements possible, however, the more the options, the more confusing it could get. For instance there is a difference between divorce litigation and divorce mediation. Here are some of the major differences that could make your life easier.
Cost-effectiveness
In divorce litigation, the average cost could run up to anywhere between $10,000-25,000+. However, the mediation oost is a fraction of that amount in most cases.
Convenience for the kids
In the case of litigation, the courts will probably appoint a court lawyer to represent the children as well. This could be a harrowing ordeal for the children who may be pulled into the case unwillingly, which could hamper their early child development and growth. In the case of a divorce mediation, the trouble is minimal, and everything could be settled outside of court without weighing down on the kids as much.
The decision
In a divorce litigation, due to the incompatibility of the two parties, the court and the judge would have the final say in the judgement as to what the final settlement is, however, in the case of a divorce mediation, the two parties can have an amiable and consensual settlement over any finances or any other disparity that may arise.
Privacy
When it comes to a divorce litigation, the matter of privacy is always an issue. If any divorce litigation is filed, it is an official case, and every single detail of the case is made public knowledge that is very easily accessible. However, when it comes to divorce mediation, the case is kept behind closed doors, and none of the differences that arise due to any disputes need to be made public.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
As divorce is almost always a messy situation, it is always prudent to ensure that there is enough professional help that you seek while going through the agonizing process. Divorce litigation is the process of taking divorce settlement matters to court. This is in case there is no settlement that is reached outside of court. If divorce mediators are unable to resolve certain issues, the case could proceed to court, although it is always better to find common ground and settle disputes outside of the court. However, if it is simply not possible, here are some steps to expedite the process.
Divorce petition
If a divorce petition must be filed, it must be done so by you or your spouse in the resident county of you or your spouse. The additional stipulation is to also have a minimum of six months of residency. There must be a domicile certificate that indicates that the plaintiffs are both residents and citizens of the area. A temporary restraining order could be filed if either of the party is not consenting with the general decorum and rules of consent.
Serving the petition
When a divorce petition is filed, it must also be served with due notice to the other party. If a petition is not acknowledged, and is not provided with enough notice period, it could be a null and void agreement. The reception must also be served with a witness for the notice. The minimum notice period for any petition may vary from region to region depending upon the state laws and regulations.
Temporary orders
After the petition is served and delivered, either parties may have a certain set of restraining demands allowing or disallowing the other party from certain privileges. This order is of temporary nature until the dispute is finally settled in court.
Discovery
Once the basic foundation is in place, it is important that both parties know their best interests and file for the pre-requisite documentation that will come in useful during the court case.
Divorce mediation
Even though an official petition is filed, the law allows both parties to try to work out situations amicably by finding common ground and reasonable settlements. This could be considered to be one last chance to settle matters out of court.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Since divorce rates are on the rise in the United States, there are no standard procedures for every type of divorce. There is no one stop shop when it comes to divorce procedures. There are various types of divorce settlements. There are collaborative divorces, do it yourself divorces, but the main types of divorce procedures are mediation and litigation. Since divorces have been on the rise, not many people are aware of the various types of divorce structures. The most common and suggested type of divorce has been litigation in the recent past.
The misconception
Even though litigation is arduous and time consuming, it could be useful in some scenarios. This is how and when a divorce litigation could be your best option. The biggest misunderstanding that people have is that all divorce litigation ends up in court with all affairs made public. However, there are many ways and means through which it could be more cordial. In the process of litigation itself, there always is an option of mediation which is a settlement option outside of court which is rarely explored due to the unilateral need for divorce. It is only when the need for a divorce is not mutual that the litigation is the last resort.
Ideally, if any divorce is mutual, over 90 percent of the cases always end up in settlements instead of litigation. As this phenomenon is growing, out of court settlements are more common and convenient. A collaborative or mediated divorce is always a desired procedure when there is no form or sort of violence or domestic threat involved. However, if there is a danger to one of the party’s life or the children’s life, an expedited divorce litigation would be the best manner to go about any of the problems.
The best time for litigation
In the case of domestic violence, child abuse or drug abuse, the marriage can become a very tough and trying endeavor. In this case it is always best to file for divorce petition and try to get into protective custody as soon as possible to avoid harm to you and your loved ones. In this case a divorce litigation is also handy because it allows you to get absolute jurisdiction of the child or children from an abusive parent. Even though litigation is a contentious process since it isn’t mutual you have to ensure to get yourself an expert negotiator as an attorney who would ensure your physical and financial safety.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce is an unfortunate consequence of an unyielding and unrewarding marriage. Divorce rates seem to be soaring in the country in recent times. You have to be cautious about any potential situation that this unfortunate situation may bestow upon you and your family. Divorces with children could be a lot more daunting, it could affect the kids in ways that could hamper their personality and emotional stability for a while, which is why it is very important for you to engage a professional with years of experience to do the job.
Amicable solution
At California Divorce Mediators, it’s not about trying to hoodwink and cheat your spouse out of the relationship by trying to take or to lose the fair share of the deal. It is important that you get your fair share of the bargain without needing to stress on the financial situation and emotional trauma. California Divorce Mediators are licensed professionals who will enable an amicable solution so that no party may be left feeling deceived, which could give rise to further lawsuits and disputes. This could traumatize the children.
Avoidance of court dealings
The dealings of the court could be brutally trying on the children and the family on a while. If any divorce case had to go to court, it could be time consuming, and will leave you stressed out over battles that could enervate your life. Instead of draining yourself with the troubles, it is better to mediate divorce cases by settling the financial aspects in a pleasant amicable manner outside of court. The point of mediation is to allow the best and sound advice and result without the iron fist of the court that could leave everyone unhappy. Studies have shown that divorce mediation is more effective wherein people are willing and more content with the end result. Additionally it also shows that people are more willing to give in to their financial settlements without any financial hassles.
Cost-effective
When it comes to divorce lawyers and mediators, especially in the State of California, it could be a tricky ordeal. The price of any lawyer must be taken into consideration. Divorce mediators allow you to have an amiable settlement without the added disadvantage of lawyer and court fees, which could allow you to comfortably transition from a troubled relation to a separate and cordial separation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Reaching the point of considering divorce is generally something that takes a long time for someone to come to. It comes down to the main question of whether you should stay in the marriage or leave. Here is some related questions you need to ask yourself before opting for or against a divorce.
Question 1: Is It Better For Your Child To Stay In A Dysfunctional Strained Home Or In A Broken Home?
Once you have kids the ball game of a relationship changes. To both the parents the most important person in the relationship is then the child. So when you are deciding on whether or not to go for Orange County divorce mediation you should ask yourself what situation of the two mentioned above suits the child. Will they be better of living in a broken home with their parents divorced and separated or in a home where despite their parents being married there are fights, strains and arguments a plenty.
Question 2: Is There Someone Else In The Relationship?
This is one of the first things to ask. People who are dissatisfied from their marriage can sometimes venture into relationships outside of their marriage which could either be a flirtation, a romance, etc. The decisions you will take if you have already found someone special will be different to what you would if you were alone and only had the marriage partner you are dealing with to go back to.
Question 3: Do You Want A Better Marriage Or A Divorce?
It is important you realize that there is a difference between a better marriage and a divorce. Both of them are not similar in any way. A divorce is ending the relation and a better marriage is improving the marriage that you have. If you have an unhappy marriage, you can change that and work to make it better. On the other hand, if you have an unsalvageable marriage, that is a prime example of a marriage that will lead to divorce.
Question 4: Have We Given It Our All?
Would you quit your job when you haven’t given your 100%? That would mean you are quitting wouldn’t it? That is the problem here. Once you have gotten an Orange County divorce there is very little you can do even if you regret it. The best way to avoid doing that is to give your all to salvaging your marriage. If, even if it doesn’t breathe a new life, you can then at the very least be content at having given the relation your all.
Whatever decision you take will largely depend on the amount of effort that you have put in. If you do end up deciding to divorce, it’s best that you choose a method that empowers you to solve your divorce yourself with your spouse. This can be best achieved through divorce mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Making a decision on whether you want to get a divorce or not is an important one since it will have ramifications and repercussions that are far-reaching. However, it is important to understand that California is a no-fault divorce state, meaning that you do not have to cite a fault for the divorce. The only basis for a California divorce is either “irreconcilable differences” or “incurable insanity.” So filing for divorce in California is much like suing for divorce, meaning it’s just like a regular lawsuit. So from a legal standpoint, the other spouse cannot stop the divorce even if they do not want the divorce.
Sometimes, Orange County divorce mediation cases that come into our offices include one spouse who is willing to end the relation, while the other one is not, which means that the other spouse is then dealing with an unwanted divorce. So what do you do if you are getting into a divorce that you don’t want? Here is a low down.
Don’t Try Hanging On
If there one thing that you should realize is that if one of the spouse has decided to end a relation, it no point trying to hang on. Taking the decision to getting a divorce is not one that people take lightly and if your spouse has taken on, they must have deliberated. The first thing you can do to deal with an unwanted divorce is accepting the fact that your relationship has almost come to end. The faster you understand it the better it is for you.
Don’t Be An Ostrich
Accepting the fact that you are going to get divorced mentally without working for it practically will get you nowhere. Often spouses that don’t want to be a part of a divorce will start to act like ostriches. Trying to shy away from the situation and wanting to evade it as long as and as much as possible is not the way to go about things. Choosing to bury their head in the sand and ignore the details of their case is not a good thing, because it won’t change anything.
Often spouses like those individuals might initially refuse to go into divorce mediation, expecting that the divorce will be delayed, though this generally not what occurs. If the spouse puts off mediation, the other spouse can easily go to court for a litigated divorce and then the divorce will be out of your hands.
You Shouldn’t Let Your Divorce Dictate Your Future
Yes, you didn’t want to go through a divorce. Yes, it is likely to hurt when you leave a spouse that you wanted to spend your life with. But choosing divorce mediation is not the end of the road for your life. Learn from the experience and repair yourself for a long life ahead. Nothing starts or ends with a divorce except you relation and that shouldn’t change.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
While a mediated divorce is a hell of a lot better than a litigated divorce, the fact remains that you may still need to hire a lawyer as part of the divorce process. It is important to note that the mediation process involves a lot of legal provisioning and hence can’t be completed without the help of a trained mediator who should ideally happen to be a legal professional as well. Some of the reasons why a lawyer may need to be hired for divorce mediation include
Legal advice
You may want independent legal advice from a divorce attorney to determine what your legal rights are and if a proposed resolution is in your best interests.
To finalize the paperwork
Both you and your partner need to come to certain agreements before the finalization of the divorce deal, which need to be incorporated into a final stipulated judgment. Unless the divorce mediator is also a family law attorney versed on the law and capable of drafting a solid, enforceable judgment, either you or your spouse need to have legal counsel prepare the final Judgment based on the agreements of the parties.
To intervene when appropriate
Sometimes it is helpful for a party’s attorney to contact the mediator to clarify their client’s desires in the mediation or terms of settlement, or to sit in on divorce mediation sessions to help the party understand terms and rights.
It remains a fact that the employment of mediation in divorces could significantly enhance the speed of the process and consequently reduce the hardships. So, appointing a lawyer as a mediator is much better than appointing a lawyer for proceeding on a litigated divorce case.
Ultimately, it is up to the preference of each party in a divorce mediation as to whether they want their own divorce attorney on the case to advise them, although it is not mandatory to do so under any circumstance.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
While filing for a formal divorce might not be the most pleasant thing, it however becomes absolutely paramount at times. There are factors though that might make a significant dent in your pocket during the divorce process. Five such factors are listed below:
- Complex financial property: Divorce could be particularly taxing on a couple when large and complex financial property is involved. In order to decipher the exact division of such property, financial experts need to be employed. Also, a large amount of negotiation and mediation might be required to find out a tenable and viable division of the property. This happens especially when a certain property is indivisible. Also, dividing the property might result in increased taxes.
- Absence of unanimity on decisions concerning child custody: When both the parties become hostile on the issue of child custody, the procedure for divorce becomes automatically more expensive. Educational and medical decisions pertaining to the child also become apples of discord between the warring parties. Since, the parties might be justified in their demands, a decision might be all that difficult for the court to take and consequently the process might turn out to be rather expensive.
- One of the parties harp on making everything hard: While you and your attorney might be all too reasonable with your provisions, there is very little you could do to check your spouse from turning everything into a difficult exercise. Your partner might want to take advantages of the all the existing laws and thus the process might turn out to be an expensive one for you.
- Fighting over property that hardly matters: If you or your spouse decides to fight on a property that hardly matters, you could be doling out a lot of disservice to yourself. The cost to fight for the property might be more than the cost of the property itself. Remember, you might be complicating the process and might end up spending a lot more than what you were actually supposed to spend.
- A conviction that a procedural delay might resurrect the marriage: It is important to let go when filing for a divorce. Merely delaying the process to make the other partner understand the value of the marriage is simply a waste of time and money. At the end, you would grow poorer and the divorce would invariably take place anyways.
Therefore, parties going through a divorce should consider divorce mediation as a much more cost-effective method of resolving their issues more quickly and out of the court system.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Are you contemplating a divorce? However, are you worried about the financial implications that come along with it? If the answer to these two questions are yes, then you might as well consider a legal separation. However, you might not be aware about what a legal separation is all about. So, here are a few broad guidelines based on which you would not only be able to decipher the differences between the two, you would also be able to take the best decision for yourself.
Whereas a divorce ends the arrangement of marriage between parties, the parties still remain married under the provisions of a legal separation. In clear and concise terms, a legal separation is orchestrated under a definite order of the court under which the responsibilities and rights of the couple are dictated while they are still legally married but living separately.
While, the parties can remarry following a divorce, remarriage is not an option when the parties are legally separated. Legal separations haven’t become too common yet. The provision could be substantially helpful if the couple decide to take a hiatus before they formally decide to annul their marriage. It is important to understand that legal separation also necessitates court proceedings and the court, akin to divorce proceedings, makes a decision on the following factors:
- The maintenance for separation: The court decides on the support required for the spouse and children, if applicable. However, the terminology might at times be different in order to differentiate it from that of a divorce. The requisite documents for getting separation maintenance are filed in the court by a legal practitioner through a process known as ‘motion pending litigation’. This decision affects the outcome of any divorce petition that might follow the legal separation.
- The decision for awarding the custody of the child.
- The provisions for visitation of the child.
- The provisions for dividing the property.
The decision to divide the property is taken by the court based on the financial situation of the partners and how the partners are related to the property.
The agreement to get a separation could play an instrumental role in safeguarding your interests till the point a decision is taken to file for a formal divorce. An increasing number of couples are resorting to legal separation as a viable option against a divorce.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
While divorce could be an emotionally draining process for you, there are ways through which the process could be made simpler and more dignified. Mediating your divorce is best available option. Mediation is nothing but fixing the terms of the divorce process outside the litigation system in the court.
Mediation is a collaborative process through which your spouse and you would arrive at an agreement that needs to be decided for the execution of the divorce procedure with the help of a third party who would be neutral. The arrangement might include the custody for the child, the schedule of parenting, the distribution of property, the decision to award maintenance to the spouse, the support for children and similar other factors. It needs to be mentioned here that the mediation in this case is not a court-mandated one. The mediation here has been agreed to by both the parties on a voluntary and free basis. The mediator needs to have a substantial divorce and family mediation training and could help you through the completion of the process.
Some of the obvious advantages of mediated divorces as compared to litigated divorces could be listed as follows:
- Economical: The process involved in mediated divorces is much less expensive than adversarial divorces affected in the courts. In fact, the cost could be only about 25 to 40 percent of the process involved in the courts.
- Time effective: The mediated divorce procedure takes a lot less time than the process involved in the courts. While the former might take anything between four and eight weeks to come to a settlement, the later might take months and even years to solve the imbroglio.
- Less economically draining: While you have the leeway to go hammer and tongue against your partner in the courts, it might have a disastrous effect on the relationship in the future as regards caring for the child. Also, the process might affect you emotionally. Thus, the best possible way is to resolve the crisis through a mediated process so that a productive relationship could be maintained in the future as well.
- A lot more dignified: Mediation focuses on the areas of agreement and not on the areas of dispute. Thus, the process doesn’t have a telling effect on the psyche of an individual. Also, the confidentiality factor is maintained during the completion of the process leading to it being more dignified.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
As years have passed, Orange County divorce mediation has started to come more to the forefront. Increasingly, couples who are unable to resolve their differences and want to go their separate paths in life are looking to opt for mediation instead of litigation as the way to go about their divorce. This is due to a number of reasons. What is important to realize though is that as the number of people looking for mediation increases, so do the misconceptions.
Here is a list of some of the most recent misconceptions about divorce mediation.
1. Negotiating with a spouse who is unreasonable is impossible
As the divorce time approaches, emotions start to boil and spouses generally hate each other. There is anger, anguish and resentment at the situation, especially for a spouse who has been cheated or lied upon. This can result in tense, unreasonable demands by spouses to one another during the mediation resolution talks.
While it may be tricky to handle, it is certainly not impossible to mediate. At the heart of all the anger and the anguish for both spouses, is almost always a fear of the unknown future. That is what divorce mediators are trained to cater to and suppress. They will talk to the two spouses and ensure that they come to a peaceful, simple and quick end to their marriage.
2. Once the divorce is done, so is my interaction with the other spouse
As great a proposition as it may be, to most spouses going through a divorce right now, this is unfortunately, not the case. You might have negotiated a divorce agreement with the other spouse but you will have to interact with them post divorce in matters that concern the children and even down the line, if you feel that the divorce agreement needs to be re-examined.
3. You can’t use an attorney in divorce mediation
There is a common misconception that the use of an attorney is barred in divorce mediation. Yet, that is far from reality. In reality, there is no such ban on the use of an attorney, yet it is seen that most people tend to go through it alone, largely because it’s cheaper and the mediators help the spouses with the complex issues.
4. Arbitration, mediation and collaborative divorce are all the same thing
This though, is largely a myth. The fact that they are named differently is reason enough to understand that they aren’t the same thing. In a collaborative divorce, both spouses hire an attorney to negotiate, while it is done out of court. Arbitration is different as there, an arbitrator much like the judge, will give the ruling. Divorce mediation, on the other hand, is a process where the two spouses will decide their future themselves.
5. Litigated divorce gets you a better outcome
This is something that most people believe when they go for a litigated divorce. Instead, quite the contrary is true. Not only is mediation a cheaper method to divorce, it is also one where you are best placed to make a deal that suits you, instead of hoping for the judge to rule in your favor.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When two people get married, it is not only their life that changes, but also the lives of a number of other people who are close to the two spouses. This is why it is important for people to maintain their marital relation until there is no choice but to go for divorce.
Even then, when you are getting divorced, your choices need to be mindful of the fact that your decisions will have a lasting impression. Hence, it is best that you go for divorce mediation, which is a peaceful method of ending a relation instead of litigation.
However, as a divorce is an option of last resort, first off, you should try to save your relation. Here are a few resolutions that will help you do just that.
1. Talk finances
The root cause of most marital problems is money. It is also the first thing that couples fight for in a divorce. Hence, it is important for spouses to talk about their finances at the start of each year. This way, you can separate the expenses for each spouse and ensure that fights on finances are avoided.
2. Be realistic about your relationship
Expecting too much out of something is never a good thing. The same goes for your relationship. The biggest mistake that a person can make to ruin a relationship is looking for more than what their partner can give. This creates friction, loss of love and eventually, a bitterness that leads to the end of the relation.
3. If you fight, stay on topic
Fighting is natural for two people that live under the same roof, especially when both of them are married to one another and have a stake in the other’s life. Yet, sometimes, how the fight is fought dictates what will unfold. Often, during the heat of the battle, spouses can leave the topic of the discussion behind and direct the fight personally. This is wrong and needs to be avoided.
4. Forget you had a past
Keeping a memory of the fights, problems, issues and bitterness will only lead to more of the same. The best way to move on and strengthen a relationship is starting afresh from a clean slate always. If you keep living in the past, you might ruin your future.
5. Ensure communication
This aspect cannot be stressed enough. Silence breeds insecurities, false thoughts and fears. The only way to avoid all that is to have a clear communication with your spouse always. Only when you are unable to communicate with your spouse will your marriage tether on the brink of an Orange County divorce.
6. Compromise even if you are right
At the start of your relationship, you should ask yourself if you want this. When you want a marriage, you should do everything to keep it, even if it requires you to compromise on something that you knew you were right about. Anything that will avoid conflict should be opted for.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
If you are looking to get married, there are so many avenues open to help you with this. The numbers of ways a person can get married are increasing, but what about the number of ways to get out of marriage if a marriage doesn’t work? When you talk to people with regards to a divorce, the first thing they think about are courts, lawyers dressed up in black and people ready to fight one another for their assets.
This though, is not a fair reflection of a divorce. With time, the process of divorce has evolved and today, there are methods other than litigation, such as Orange County divorce mediation, which are new and improved ways of getting divorced. Another enhancement that can and should come in this regard is the advent of virtual divorce mediation. But why? The benefits of virtual mediation and how it can be a game changer are highlighted below.
It is Very Convenient
Divorce mediation is a simple process that can be smooth for most people. On top of that, if you add the virtual element to it, it would mean that the spouses wouldn’t have to be in the same vicinity, or even country, to mediate with one another in the presence of a mediator. It can all be done online as each of the spouses continues to go their own separate ways.
Readily Available
The primary difference that exists between divorce mediation and a litigated divorce is the fact that mediation is typically best for spouses that are cooperating. However, the use of virtual mediation can change that. Here, even two warring spouses that hate each other to bits will be able to work with one another for a better future, knowing that they are not in each other’s dreaded company.
Enhanced Comfort Level
If people tell you going through a divorce is easy; never believe them. No matter what type the divorce is, you will always feel a sense of regret, pain and guilt at the relationship’s ending. Yet, the use of virtual mediation can help you become comfortable with the mediation proceedings. You can take part in Orange County divorce mediation from your own home, a place where you are at your most comfortable.
It’s Tech Savvy
The world is fast changing, and every few months or so, the top mobile companies produce the latest of mobile phones that sends the rest of the stock in the market spiraling down in demand. The same case applies here with divorce. Earlier, there was only litigation, but as time passed and people wanted something more, divorce mediation came into the picture. If mediation is to keep its place as the go to option for couples looking to divorce, it needs to add something extra and the best way to do that, is by making it tech savvy.
California Divorce Mediators offers the option of “virtual” divorce mediation for the convenience of the parties. For more information, please contact us at info@cadivorcemediators.com or through our website.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The concept of Valentine’s Day is one where you celebrate your love for your partner who has either been there with you through thick or thin or someone who you think has the potential to be an amazing companion. The core of Valentine’s Day is its message of love, appreciation and togetherness.
Back in the school or college when practical life hadn’t dawned, a bad Valentine’s Day for most people was one where every one of their friends and colleagues had gotten a card or a flower, but they didn’t.
But as we grow up and get out of your colleges to the more practical side of things, attending university and so on, the worst Valentine’s Day is one where you and your partner grow apart or break up. None of this though compares to the worst Valentine’s Day in reality.
A Day in Court
This is a divorce blog and you guessed it right, the worst Valentine’s Day for a person will be when their Orange County divorce case is scheduled for the 14th of February. Imagine the pain and the flood of negative emotions that one would face when they have to go to court to finalize the process of the end of their marital relation on the day that is touted as a day of love and appreciation.
The impact of emotions in our life is paramount and more so, when you are going through an Orange County divorce. This is one point in your life when you are at your most vulnerable, licking your wounds and looking back at what could have been, and what should have been.
It is amazing how people can muster the strength to come up to court on the 14th of February with their lawyers and engage in a bitter fight for assets, children and other things in your divorce case. A stark opposite of what this day represents in reality. Instead of the couple looking towards the future, the couple will find themselves bickering about the past and how each would want to go their separate way in the future.
Avoiding a Bad Valentine’s Day
What can you do if your Orange County divorce case is scheduled to be heard on the 14th of February except going and attending your divorce proceedings? You can do nothing; you will have to attend the proceedings. Yet, this awkward encounter could be avoided if you go for Orange County divorce mediation instead of litigated divorce.
The thing about divorce mediation is that it empowers the spouse to take the decisions. This means that you will decide the date of the proceedings, the course of the proceedings and the decision of the mediation proceedings between yourself and your spouse. This means that such dreadful dates of having to go through a divorce hearing on the day of togetherness and love can and will be avoided.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The end of a marriage is never a good feeling, especially for the people involved. The dissolution of the matrimonial bond between two people is governed by laws that differ around the globe. The legal process that follows a divorce may involve the following issues:
- Alimony or spousal support.
- Child custody.
- Child visitation rights.
- Child support.
- Property division.
- Debt division.
Property division
Following the separation of a married couple, their assets are split between them. This division is carried out in agreement or via a judicial decree. The spouses are entitled to split the property acquired during the course of their marriage following the dissolution of their union.
The marital property is jointly owned by the spouses until a final order has been issued by a judge. The spouses are advised to divide their property and debt equally to avoid altercations; however, most cases do not end so peacefully.
How to split your property
If you are in the process of a divorce and need to split your assets, the first thing you should do is create a list of all that you own. This will help you understand which items qualify as marital property and separate property. If you are living in Orange County, California, and are looking to get a divorce, you will need to fill out a Schedule of Assets and Debts form as part of a “Preliminary Declaration of Disclosure,” where you will list out their assets. This form must be shared with your spouse while you are disclosing financial declarations. This is a mandatory issue for legal separations and divorces.
You are advised to remain honest while you list out your assets and while categorizing them as separate and matrimonial property. The penalties for withholding information regarding your assets can be serious.
Once your spouse and you have filled out your respective forms, you can compare details to learn if – your spouse and you disagree on what has been categorized as matrimonial or separate property or there is a large difference in how you have valued the matrimonial property. If you are in agreement, then you can settle the case with your spouse easily enough, but in case you disagree, you will have to go to trial. The judge will then make a decision and issue a final order.
You are also allowed to buy out your spouse’s share of the marital property if you have the financial capabilities. Spouses are also allowed to jointly own a property together even after they have legally separated, but this will need for the couple to maintain a financial relationship, which can make it a very unattractive option.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorces are some of the most complex, emotionally troubling battles people have faced for decades now. To ease the process of a divorce, mediators are called in as a form of alternative dispute resolution.
Why divorce mediation?
Mediation is not necessarily a new idea, but it has become a frequently used method, especially in Orange County, while negotiating the terms of a divorce. The mediator facilitates your discussions with your spouse and aids you in amicably reaching an understanding with your spouse on what is best for both of you and your family.
The mediator helps you in resolving issues involved with the distribution of property, child custody and visitation rights, spousal support and child support as well as divorce settlements.
Mediator’s role
Before a mediator agrees to work with you, he or she will need basic information about your family, your marriage and the divorce itself. The mediator will then sit with you, either together with your spouse or individually in separate sessions, where he will take your views, opinions and positions regarding the divorce. Your lawyers are also sometimes allowed to be present during your sessions with the mediator.
After screening the initial information, the mediator will give you his opinion and suggestions on how your spouse and you can work together to reach an agreement. He will then chalk out a plan to help you accomplish it. If your divorce is entangled with property issues and child custody, your mediator will require more information to be able to accurately assess your situation.
When negotiations start, the mediator will start with simpler issues and encourage you to build trust and make compromises on larger issues. The mediator will guide you to staying on track and provide you with different options. He will encourage you to listen to each other, asserting that communication is a key factor in resolving issues. To make the mediation a success, you will have to be more open to compromise and listen to your spouse’s ideas and positions.
While reaching an agreement, the mediator will help create a plan, including a parenting plan, which will later become part of your divorce settlement.
Benefits of a mediator
Mediation is cheaper than a trial in court and most of them have high success rates. They are confidential and your lawyer can be present to offer you legal advice. While at mediation, it is your spouse and you who control the process, not the judge. Finally, the entire process enables you and spouse to improve communication and work together, making it easier for you to resolve future conflicts.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Fighting over the custody of your children during a divorce process can be a painful experience. Frequent visits to court and constant battling can be a harrowing time for your children. Child custody is the highest priority among divorcing parents who need to make very serious decisions before the divorce is finalized.
Mediation in child custody battles
Mediation involves a neutral third-party member that helps resolve issues without having to go to court. If the parents cannot agree on a parent plan in mediation, they are requested to go to court, where the judge will issue an order.
Mediation in child custody cases helps parents resolve their disagreements regarding a plan for their children. The parents seek consul from an expert, who helps them create a plan that may potentially become a custody and visitation agreement if it gets signed off by a judge.
The local superior courts have free mediation programs to help parents with child custody issues.
Benefits of mediation in child custody battles
The advantages of involving mediation in a child custody case are as follows:
- When you seek mediation, your spouse and you will have to work together, focusing on a common goal, which is doing the right thing for your children. With mediation, you can create a parenting plan that will enable both of you to be actively involved in your children’s lives.
- Divorces have a very negative impact on children and they find it difficult to accept their parents’ separation. Your children are usually caught in the crossfire between your spouse and you. Mediation will teach you to separate your interests from your children’s and focus on what is best for them.
- Mediators are neutral and well-trained professionals. They will not pick a side and will only focus on a good future for your children.
- A divorce causes spouses to blame each other and become enemies, but mediation will help you focus on developing skills to creating a parenting plan and working together.
- Mediation will help reduce conflict and stress and also help you improve your communication skills with your spouse.
- Creating an effective working partnership with your spouse is the mediator’s primary focus. This allows them to help you with a plan to raise your children together.
- Mediation is cheaper than lawsuits and will always create good results.
Conflicted divorces are very frustrating, for you and your children. Focus on building a working relationship with your ex and creating the right parenting plan to raise your children together.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
One of the hardest things to do in life is parting way with things that you cherished, loved and spent time with. The same is the case in marriages, where two people come together and decide to spend the rest of their life with one another. When such an institution comes to an end and the couple decides to get a divorce, there can be chaos, hurt, pain, worry and stress.
Once a couple decides to go their separate ways, there are two paths to choose: they could either get a litigated divorce or opt for divorce mediation. The choice of which path to walk on and which one to leave alone will typically determine the kind of future that they experience.
Divorce is a Stressful Process
Getting a divorce is a stressful process. The thought of leaving your partner of many years even if you have developed irreconcilable differences with them can often take its toll. It is natural for a spouse to feel sad at the ending of something that was started to last a life time.
On top of sorrow, what spouses feel the most is stress. The stress of what will happen to their children and how will they be brought up, the stress of the financial outcome of the divorce, the stress of an uncertain financial future and the stress that comes from a bitter litigated battle with the other spouse.
But did you know that stress can lead to a number of major health issues for a person? This includes the recurrence of diseases that have only recently subsided.
Moreover, the uncertainty that surrounds a divorce can also be too much for spouses to handle, affecting their view of the case and their state of mind in some situations.
Mediation to Relieve Stress
Remember that at the start of the blog, we highlighted that there are two paths to a divorce that you can choose? The second one, i.e. divorce mediation is the one designed to help you deal with your stress and uncertainties. People often talk about a number of advantages that mediation holds over litigated divorce, such as:
- Being faster
- Creative
- Cheaper
- Confidential
Yet, the fact that mediation is a process that gives spouses a peace of mind and acts as a stress reliever is often understated. Orange County divorce mediation is different to litigation in many ways. Primarily, it gives the decision making powers to the spouses themselves. Often, spouses having a divorce are stressed about what the future holds for them and what portion of the assets they will get. In mediation, the powers to determine the financial future of the spouses, custody and upbringing of the child etc, are all bestowed upon the spouses themselves. When they know they are in charge, spouses are less likely to stress out about the outcome since they are the ones drafting it.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When spouses have decided to opt for divorce, the problem most of them face is whether to go for a litigated divorce or a mediated one. The “F.E.A.R.” of the future is likely to help them in the decision that they make. Here is a low down of what F.E.A.R . in this situation stands for and how it can help you in making your decision regarding the method of a divorce.
“F” stands for Financial
The first thing to consider when deciding on which method of divorce suits you is the financial side of things. How much do you think the financial side is likely to cost you in each method? In a litigated divorce, there are a number of different costs involved, such as the cost of having to register the case, the cost of having to hire a lawyer, paying the costs of the lawyer when the divorce proceedings start etc. Good lawyers will typically take a considerable amount of your finances to hire and fight your case.
On the other hand, if you take a look at divorce mediation, the process is far cheaper. The only cost that you have to pay is the total cost of the mediation process in a lump sum amount which is to be shared amongst the two spouses and won’t only be your cost to bear.
“E” is for Emotions
This is one of the most important things to note. When a couple decides to get a divorce, the method that they choose will determine the level of and type of emotions that they experience. Litigation for example, is a method where the two spouses will have to fight with one another through their lawyers. This can cause emotions of hate and bitterness in the spouses.
On the other hand, in divorce mediation, the primary theme is cooperation and communication. Here, while there may be no love lost between the spouses, an emotion of mutual cooperation and respect will be developed.
“A” is for Analytical
In a litigated divorce, you have hired a lawyer and they are the ones that will ultimately make the strategy. Your role will be limited. In divorce mediation, on the other hand, you are your own spokesman, negotiator and decision maker. This means that you are free to make decisions, analyze the situation and act according to your wishes.
“R” is for Rational
Having looked at all of the factors mentioned above, the ability to make a rational decision as to which method you are going to opt for, will determine the course of your future. On the face of it, for a speedy, easy and empowered divorce, Orange County divorce mediation is the best way.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When couples decide to call it quits and file for divorce, their issues, arguments and bitterness tends to have already reached its peak. The job of an Orange County divorce mediator in divorce mediation is to make sure these parties start to bring a little L.O.V.E. to the occasion. L.O.V.E. here is not what you think it is. It is a way to ensure that communication, which is the single most important aspect of a divorce, occurs. This can be affected by the long running issues between spouses. To make sure these issues don’t act as a barrier to communication, these principles of L.O.V.E. should be followed by.
“L” is for Listening
When couples fight and argue, they can shout, belt out words, sentences and phrases at the top of their voices. This means that while both the spouses are shouting their lungs out, neither is being heard. All their screams, threats, and reasoning are falling onto deaf ears. This is where the Orange County divorce mediator comes in.
As you come for mediation, the mediator will make you feel heard. They listen to your fears, your aspirations and what you would want the resolution to look like. This helps calm the spouses down for a meaningful discussion.
“O” is to Observe
No matter how long you and your spouse have been married for, the time you have spent with one another is more than the time the divorce mediator has spent with either of you. For them to help you in this case, they will need to make use of their powers of observation. Observing how the spouses act is an important tool of the mediators, which helps them learn the dynamics of the relationship between the two spouses.
“V “is to Validate/Verify
There are times when couples ride on the merry go round of accusations against one another. This can damage the spirit of mediation and the spouses that they have been made against. Hence, it is the job of the divorce mediator to listen closely to what has been said and make sure the accusations are repeated to the spouse that made them and their validity verified. Typically, spouses that make accusations in rage can realize their mistake when they are mellow and retract their statement. This can heal the wounds of the other spouse.
“E” is for Emotional Healing
When people end a long-standing relationship, no matter the hurt and anger they have for the other spouse, there is bound to be some regret and underlying feelings of guilt. In such a bad emotional state, for the spouse to be able to play a meaningful part in an Orange County divorce mediation, the mediator needs to help them along the way to move beyond and try to heal those emotions.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Going through a divorce is definitely not one of the easiest experiences for many, and add issues of child custody to it and the marriage becomes even more stressful. Now add that stress to a parent who is in the military and on active duty, and the stress levels can go through the roof.
One of the landmark cases that has come to define the approach that the court must take when dealing with Orange County divorce cases with child custody issues involving military personnel is called the Marriage of E.U. and J.E. The greater emphasis of the court’s decision was with regard to parental rights enjoyed by members of service that are deployed for active duty.
This blog will outline what the courts decided and most importantly observed in this case.
A Brief Low Down on the Facts
The child between the married couple was born in the year 2000. A year after the birth of the child the parents filed for an Orange County divorce. The primary custody of the child was given to the father and the parental arrangements were formalized back in the year 2006 July. It was reaffirmed by the trial court as being in the best interest of the child.
However, there was a clause in the 2006 order which highlighted that in case a spouse was to be called for military duty, the other spouse would assume primary responsibility of the child. This would end when the deployed parent came back home and things would go back to the status quo decided.
The father was deployed from 2009 to 2012 in Afghanistan. Once the father returned, the mother refused to hand the primary custody back to the father arguing that it would damage the stability that the child had become accustomed to over the past few years.
What the Judges Thought
As a result of this development, the judge had to have a hearing on the 2006 order and ordered an Evidence Code section 730 child custody evaluation. The judge of the case accepted that there was to be a delay as a result of Family Code section 3047 being used, but placed some responsibility of the situation on the father. This was because the father had failed to provide information of his prospective deployment to the court back in October 2010 when they asked.
Once the 730 report came out, it suggested that the child should be left in the care of the mother because the age of the child was now 6 and he had become accustomed to the care and stability of his mother. However, the parties couldn’t come to agreement on this fact. The father argued that Family Code section 3047 was designed to protect the parental rights of people that were deployed in service.
Importantly, the Court of Appeal on hearing the appeal, accepted the use of Family Code section 3047 and ordered for the custody to be returned to the father now that he was back from his service and that his deployment should not be used against him.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Alimony payments are not all designed the same way, there are in fact, multiple ways a court or mediation specialist and attorneys could structure alimony payments. Depending on your specific situation and the needs of both parties, you may find yourself with an alimony order that’s temporary or permanent. Here’s a look at how the two differ and under what circumstances both may be enforced.
Temporary Support
Temporary alimony is usually given during the time the divorce proceedings are underway. It is created to help a non-working spouse or someone who needs the financial support of their partner, to get through the months leading up to the actual divorce when a more permanent solution will be decided upon.
When is temporary support granted?
This kind of alimony or spousal support is typical of the period of separation or in cases where the marriage annulment has been applied for, besides the more conventional divorce proceedings stage. A document called the Request for Order is to be filed at the local family court, after which both spouses must then submit Income and Expense Declarations. This declaration contains all financial information on each of them and is used to determine the financial status and needs of each spouse. While there are specific guidelines in place in each state, the exact case is dealt with at the discretion of the court where the financial motions are filed. The court may choose to not grant temporary support or temporary alimony at all, and in cases where alimony is granted temporarily, the terms are decided by the court.
Permanent Alimony
Once a divorce proceeding heads to its final stages of closure, the court will decide whether the particular case requires conditional/short-term alimony to be granted or if a more permanent solution is required. The latter is usually chosen if one spouse has no income and the duration of the marriage is suitably long. It is also up to the divorce attorney of the spouse seeking alimony to ensure all necessary documentation is presented to support a case for this kind of permanent alimony. If one partner has given up their career to support the marriage and bring up the kids and will find it near impossible to get back into the workforce, it could make a case for permanent alimony. Ultimately however, whether or not permanent spousal support depends on the negotiation powers and prowess of your divorce attorney and the discretion of the judge.
The connection between temporary and permanent alimony
No matter how extensive the background work was in determining the temporary alimony, this is not used to ascertain the terms of the permanent spousal support. In essence, permanent and temporary alimony are two completely separate court mandated orders. One does not have bearing on the other.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce mediation is the final bastion for most divorced couples and a favorable alternative to going through an often messy, and usually expensive legal battle in court. A misstep at this stage could derail the entire mediation process and you’ll have a hefty price to pay. Here’s a quick look at some dos and don’ts that you should make your mantra during the process.
Do go in with an open mind
Being flexible and keeping an open mind is underrated when it comes to divorce mediation. If you approach the process as something that you must succeed at together, as a team then you will get the job done. Head in like it is a battle and no one will win.
Do go to a counselor together before divorce mediation begins
Use the divorce mediation to work out legal and financial intricacies. A counselor can help you work through the negativity and emotions so that you can approach the mediation more clinically.
Do treat the mediation differently than a court battle
A mediation is meant to be just that – a discussion of two opposing views, to find some common ground so a mutually acceptable solution can be arrived at. In this case, an agreement on child custody, the division of property and other assets as well as alimony payments or spousal support if any. It is neither the right time nor the right platform for a full scale mudslinging battle with your spouse, even if you are the wronged party. Focus on the goal – getting to a solution – rather than on the person across the table from you.
Don’t expect too much of your spouse
Equally dangerous is erring on the side of too much faith. Your lingering love for your soon to be ex, could be dangerous as you second guess your decision. However, remember, your spouse might not be in the same headspace as you, and may not share your feelings. Don’t be blindsided because you failed to do your own homework and relied on their goodness to do the best for you. No one else has your best interests at heart at this time, barring your divorce attorney (if you hired right).
Don’t expect miracles to happen in court
While the divorce mediation process may seem futile at times, keep at it. It is a much more level playing field where you have a say in the final decision and agreement. Once a case goes to court, you will need to rely on the discretion of the judge and the ability of your divorce attorney against your spouse’s legal team. And once the court has made their decision you will have to live with it. Remember, things may not always go your way even if you think you have a watertight case.
Don’t resort to ranting on social media
Social media is a great place to vent, but hold back until the divorce proceedings are complete. Things you say there are visible for the world and your spouse’s friends and family to see. Something you say in the heat of the moment could come back to hurt your case in mediation or court. It is best to have these discussions offline, one-to-one in confidence with your divorce attorney or trusted friends and family only.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Alimony/spousal support payments to be made after a divorce, by one spouse to the other, are designed to help the partner who is in need of the financial help, lead a life that is somewhat comparable to the circumstances prior to divorce. However, there are some important things to know about spousal support:
Alimony payments are dictated by need not income
You might believe that you are owed a certain amount by your spouse because they are earning far more than you are, or because you have invested a lot of time and lost out on career opportunities for the sake of your marriage. The reality however, is that the judge will make a decision on what amount you get as spousal support based on a dozen or so factors, depending on which state you are in. And one of the key factors that will come into play will be the perceived need of the spouse who is to receive the payment. Even if your spouse works, you may still have to pay alimony.
Payment of alimony may not be forever
There are a number of different kinds of spousal support, including something called short-term or rehabilitative alimony. This is designed to help one spouse tide over the initial phase after a divorce, where they need the help while they get their finances and life in order. Other kinds of alimony may also cease to be due, if the recipient moves in with a new partner or remarries.
The duration of your marriage matters
When it comes to alimony, the duration of the relationship also comes into play. The same couple going through a divorce after just 2 years of marriage will see a very different outcome and quantum of alimony being payable, compared to a couple that has been together for a couple of decades or more. That’s because the investment in the marriage and the opportunity cost for the spouse earning a lower income as a result of decisions taken to support the marriage, is greater.
You can take legal action if your spouse doesn’t pay up alimony
Once you have an alimony order, your spouse is required by law to give you the required payments as dictated. However, if they fail to do so, you could choose between undertaking an ‘earnings assignment order’ or a take out a ‘contempt’ proceeding. In extreme cases, if no payments are made in spite of a court order, the court could even put your ex in prison to get them to fall in line.
The role kids play in determining alimony
If your soon to be ex is the one with the primary care-giving responsibility for your kids and will continue to look after them after your divorce, the court will, in addition to the child support payments, also likely mandate a longer duration of spousal support. This is done so that he/she can find help and return to a full-time or regular job which they may not have had to do within the marriage. The extra time helps gives them the flexibility to re-qualify and hunt for a job.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Child custody mediation during divorce proceedings is an attempt at coming to a resolution of differences regarding the custody and time sharing of your child/children together, with both parents working out an agreement that is acceptable to both. Left unresolved at this stage your only option will be a court based child custody evaluation, which will bring in a number of external factors that could go against you and may not be in your control.
Given the importance of this mediation process, if you’re hoping to come to a favorable agreement during child custody mediation, there are some areas to watch out for. Here are some of the most common mistakes people make during child custody mediation.
Not having your facts straight
During early interactions with the mediator, you will need to share information about your case. This might include an in-depth discussion on things like your relationship, how it began, when the troubles began, how many separations there have been, dates of the most recent separation and family history as well. If you are unclear or unsure on dates and details, you will come across as disinterested and disconnected from your family and the situation, a red flag for most mediators.
Not being completely honest
As part of the process, the child custody mediator will ask you some tough questions. It may not be easy having to own up to cases of drug or alcohol addiction, physical or mental abuse. If domestic abuse has reared its head, you will most definitely be asked about it. As the offending party, listening to all this can be difficult at the very least and it can be tempting to gloss over or try to justify your actions. Whatever your line of defense, always be honest. Clarify but do not justify. Accept and show repentance in your words and actions.
Pinning the blame on your partner
A marriage is a two way street and trying to paint your spouse as the wrong-doer and showing yourself up as the wronged party may not go down well. Accept your fair share of the blame and be mature about the situation. While being dismissive of the past is not good, nor is dwelling on it too much.
Being too rigid about your stance
It is important to know what you want out of the child custody mediation process, but at the same time, it is crucial that you come across as flexible. When you are open to listening to the other side and their needs, it will help you understand the overall situation better and will enable a joint decision that works out better for the kids too. Know that there will always be some things you or your spouse may not know that the other does. This mediation is an opportunity for you to learn and understand so you can build a stronger relationship with your children as they grow up.
Not picking what battles to fight
If you have a certain outcome you want from the process, the worst thing you could do is stand steadfastly by it even when things that don’t matter as much come up for negotiation. Be prepared to give in on some counts so that you can get what you want in other areas.
Stay positive and always remember that ultimately this is about your children, and both you and your estranged spouse want the same thing for them – the best life possible given the circumstances they are faced with.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
If you find yourself faced with divorce proceedings after your your spouse found out about your relationship or fling with someone else, you’re probably wondering how much this can affect your settlement. Handled carefully, you don’t need to be taken to the cleaners for your indiscretion. First off, it helps to understand the ramifications of adultery on a divorce – both financial and legal.
Not all states treat adultery alike
The law varies depending on where you are. Understand the intricacies of divorce law and the impact on your settlement with the help of your divorce attorney. In some states like California, adultery has little or no bearing at all on the divorce. If you live in a no-fault state like California, then you should be able to proceed as normal and no proof of adultery will be demanded.
How adultery impacts Spousal Support or Alimony
If you are the one accused of adultery in a no-fault divorce state like California, there is generally no impact on the ability to seek spousal support. However, if cohabitation with that person occurs, it can affect the amount and/or ability to obtain spousal support.
Division of Financial Assets in a divorce involving Adultery
How the financial assets are divided and the terms of the settlement are in general, not influenced by whether or not one partner or both have committed adultery. The only instance where it could come into play is if the family’s finances and assets were impacted or utilized for supporting the adulterous relationship. In case the family wealth was eroded to support this relationship, the betrayed spouse will make a bid for some form of compensation.
Special circumstances
In case you contracted an STD and passed it on to your spouse, you may find yourself vulnerable to personal injury action lawsuits. It is therefore, best to come to an agreement within the purview of the divorce proceedings and settlement and prevent things from getting out of hand.
Ultimately though, the divorce settlement will be most influenced by your own emotions, guilty and feelings towards your soon to be ex spouse. If you are feeling bad about what you did, you may agree to give in a little more and let your spouse get a better deal.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
As an estranged couple going through a divorce, if you have children together, you will be faced with the unpleasant task of working out the matter of child custody. Child custody mediation can pre-empt the need for a messy court battle which often deteriorates into mud slinging and can do more damage to the kids than you would ever imagine. Here are some tips on how to prepare to get the most out of the mediation process.
Do your homework
If you choose to engage the services of a child custody divorce mediation attorney or counselor, you should do your homework. Have in place details on the kids school holidays, exams, major events. Print a copy of your work, business and personal commitments as well.
Meet a counselor before you begin the process
Many divorce attorneys suggest that their clients meet with a counselor well versed with dealing with individuals going through a divorce. A counselor will help you get in touch with your emotions and help you work through the challenges. He or she can also help guide you on how to conduct yourself during child custody mediation as well as in court. This will make the mediation itself a more fruitful exercise. You need to ensure you come across as articulate and reasonable during mediation, but most importantly as someone who is flexible.
Chalk up options for the parenting plan
As part of divorce mediation, you may choose to opt for child custody mediation to work through the details and arrive at a mutually agreeable arrangement. Having a structured parenting plan in place with details on the sharing of time with the children on a day to day basis helps bring perspective. By clarifying how holidays and trips/vacations away will be handled, as well as openly discussing other routine arrangements for the kids, you can come up with a comprehensive solution. This transforms what could be a difficult time into a team effort where you both work to decide what’s best for the kids. At the same time not everything you want will go down well with your soon to be ex. Have a plan B in place and other acceptable solutions which may not be ideal, but are good enough.
Bring an open mind to the discussions
You will want to air your views and ensure your agenda is carried forward, but child custody mediation is as much a time for listening. Listen to what your spouse and the mediator have to say. Understand their perspective and be willing to adjust a little. If you come with preconceived notions and are not open to suggestion, your route to a court battle is all but cast in stone.
Always remember this is about the children and not you
It helps to bring perspective every now and then during a divorce mediation process. And nothing is more sobering than the knowledge that getting into petty squabbles with your husband or wife, and resorting to mudslinging will shatter your children. Remember this and keep your head and humor through the mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The decision to end their relations and get a divorce is not an easy one for spouses. There are several factors that come into play when making the decision. And once the decision is made, there are plenty of options available to the spouses instead of just hiring a lawyer each and getting ready for battle. As a couple goes through divorce, they will learn these stages, which will help them in the next part of their lives.
Mandated Divorce Mediation
When a couple decides that the best way to end their relation is going through a divorce, the courts will still, irrespective of the predicament and mutual feelings, require the spouses to attend mediation. This type of mediation is known as mandated mediation. The mandate to this mediation is given to them by the courts.
This type of mediation is unlike a private Orange County divorce mediation which will be discussed later in this blog. In this mediation, first up, there is a review of the divorce file by the mediator. The mediator in this case, is appointed by the court. Once they have gone through the file, the mediator will then have a short question and answer session with the spouses to identify the primary issues. Once that is done and the mediator is aware of the situation, they will give time to the spouses to come to a mutual agreement between themselves before a formal trial.
The agreement in a mandated divorce need not be on all the core issues and be a comprehensive document. Instead, even agreement on one of the core issues such as child custody, property, etc, is welcomed. This kind of mediation is often left wanting because of its constraints of time.
Private Divorce Mediation
Private divorce mediation on the other hand, is considerably different to mandated divorce. First up, this kind of divorce mediation is not enforced on the spouses by the courts. Instead, this kind of mediation is chosen by the spouses themselves to solve their issues related to divorce. Secondly, unlike a mandated divorce, the mediator will often take a back seat in such proceedings. Instead, they like to let the spouses take center stage.
In a private mediation, the spouses have the utmost authority whether it’s related to the timing of the divorce, the length of the proceedings, the resolution of issues, etc. They get to dictate the speed with which the mediation will go and in most cases, also the schedule of mediation. On top of that, most importantly, a private divorce mediation is not a step or a stage in a divorce proceeding. It is a divorce process, stand alone on its own.
Hence, the spouses will have to come up with a comprehensive resolution in this case which is mutually successful for the mediation to end.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Commonly, it is said that divorce mediation is like a jigsaw puzzle, largely because much like a jigsaw puzzle, a number of the pieces seem unable to fit together at first glance. Hence, spouses approach their mediation one piece at a time, paying close attention to the little pieces that they hold, while never truly letting the entire puzzle out of sight.
On the other hand, much to our surprise, divorce litigation is often considered a game of chess. But why? It’s because in a game of chess, there are two warring parties that make use of every means necessary to meet their expectations. Most importantly chess is a game where one party wins and the other loses. This highlights how mediation can never be chess, since chess is not played alone. Even the king and the queen are flanked on either side by loyalists, just as you have your lawyers by your side in a divorce case.
Hence, drawing this parallel between the two highlights how mediation and litigation are different.
Another Round of Explanations
If you are uncomfortable with the jigsaw puzzle analogy for Orange County divorce mediation, the process can also be referred to as dentistry. Since much like a dentistry procedure, the patients i.e. the spouses come to mediation to either relieve themselves of pain or to make sure that they don’t have to experience further pain and suffering. On that note, perhaps parallels can be drawn.
Yet, despite the analogies being drawn, what is divorce mediation? Mediation is a procedure that empowers the spouses. It decreases the conflict between them. These are all the common statements made about mediation and all of them are correct. Yet the question of what mediation is remains unanswered.
What is Mediation?
Simply put, Orange County divorce mediation is a process whereby both the spouses agree to discuss their differences and reach a resolution about them instead of fighting over them through their lawyers in front of a judge.
The thing about mediation is the authority and autonomy that it gives to the spouses. The process of mediation is designed to ensure that spouses, people whose futures are at stake, get to take hold of and make decisions in their own divorce case.
Hence, in a mediated divorce, the job of the mediator is to keep the spouses on the right track, advise them regarding the law and to make sure their tensions don’t boil over. Everything else, such as discussing and coming to a mutually acceptable resolution on the issues, is up to the spouses themselves.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce mediation involves multiple parties – besides your soon to be ex and his/her attorney, your attorney and you, there is third party that plays a crucial role in determining the outcome of the mediation process: The divorce mediator. Unlike an attorney who represents your interests, a divorce mediator acts as just that – a mediator, who helps both parties arrive at an agreement. Choose right and you should be able to reach a practical and feasible solution faster and with less heartache. Equally, making the wrong choice could cause things to go downhill fast.
Here are some pointers to help you zero in on the right divorce mediator for your needs.
Check their credentials
It is important that your divorce mediator be suitably trained to handle mediations of this nature. Check where they took their basic mediation course and whether they have any specialization in family mediation. Do a little digging to understand the reputation and rigor of the body that conducted the course. Check if they had a co-mediation stint or apprenticeship of some kind as part of their mediation training. It is perfectly acceptable to request to see their mediation certificate (a copy should be alright).
But don’t rely on qualifications alone
Simply hiring someone with an LLM or a PhD doesn’t mean you’ve got an expert mediator. Find out about their background and expertise. How long have they been mediating divorce cases? How many cases have they handled in total? See if they have had success with cases similar to your own. Check if they are actively involved in the activities of the mediation community and are genuinely committed to their field of work.
Go with someone you will be confident in and comfortable around
The softer side of things, and one that’s hard to define, is the vibe you get when you are talking to the divorce mediator. If he/she inspires confidence and makes you feel relaxed and at ease to open up, then they may be a good choice. You need to feel free to speak without fear of judgement, and to someone who will listen with an open mind.
Ask for references
When it comes to divorce mediation, it is a good idea to go to someone tried and tested. If you have the option, use someone referred to you by a friend or family member or someone known to them. It is more likely you will find them easier to work with.
Know your personal preferences
With divorce mediation being relatively less regulated, there are no hard and fast rules on who can be a divorce mediator. You could go the route of choosing a therapist as a mediator, someone who can help you deal with the emotional challenges that come with the divorce, as they guide you and your spouse towards an agreement. Alternatively, you could pick a legal expert – a divorce mediator with a legal background, someone who can help structure a legally valid and fair agreement.
Use a specialized firm
A firm more specialized in divorce mediation comes with the added expertise of understanding financial ramifications of a divorce. They also tend to be more neutral and fair when it comes to meditation on areas like parenting, ensuring both sides get a fair deal and the family walks away stronger. The teams at such firms are well trained at helping estranged couples find some common ground so they can move forward towards a settlement without resorting to a trial.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Be prepared – mentally and emotionally
How effective the divorce mediation is for you to get what you want – whether it relates to finances, property, or even the custody of your children – hinges on how well prepared you are. Having a run through of sensitive topics before you actually get into a joint session will be crucial to how you conduct yourself during a face to face meeting with your estranged partner.
Your divorce attorney or a friend can help you go over this through some role play so you know how you will handle some of the tougher questions that come your way. It will also help you prepare valid logical points to support your stance, something you may find hard to do on the fly in the heat of the moment.
Make a list
Make a master list of all items you own both individually and jointly. Besides bigger items like property and vehicles and bank accounts, insurance policies and investments, you will also need to carefully list out high value household electronics, art and jewelry.
Set priorities, and prepare for a little give-and-take
Know what your must-haves are, which you will not compromise on no matter what. Have a secondary list of items which you may be willing to let go off, or trade for some accommodations made by your spouse. Also know the easy wins that you can give your spouse to secure some bigger wins for yourself.
Have all your documents ready
It is likely you will need to discuss finances and income details. Put together a dossier of all relevant information on anything that is likely to come up in the mediation. You will find yourself on stronger footing if you are armed with all the information to back you up.
Get the right help
Hiring a good divorce attorney can make all the difference, especially when it comes to divorce mediation. An experienced divorce lawyer will be able to guide you through the process, explaining where you may need to compromise and helping you push back when you need to, so that you arrive at a settlement that is largely what you wanted.
Equally important is the divorce mediator you hire. Find someone with a good track record on helping couples reach amicable and lasting solutions. Understand their background, experience handling similar cases and don’t just rely on looking at their qualifications on paper.
With the right team and adequate homework, you stand a good chance of achieving the goals you set for yourself before the mediation began.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When married parents can’t sort out their disputes, they sometimes file for divorce. However, as time passes, there can be new issues that happen, such as “parental gate-keeping.” Typically, parental gate-keeping is done by one or both parents going through a divorce, which is a hindrance to effective communication and co-parenting.
What Is Parental Gate Keeping?
Parental gate keeping is actually a term taken from psychology. In the context of family law, it is basically defined as measures taken by the parents to protect their children from perceived, actual or manufactured harm. While the second category of gate-keeping can be justified, the last one is outright malicious by the practicing parent.
Combating Parental Gate-Keeping
• Be Child Centered
As you have read above, the definition of parental gate keeping highlights the reasoning of its use. The use is to protect the child. When then talk is about a child in a divorce case, the judges will always look towards the best interest of the child. For that to go in your favor the strategy you adopt as well as your behavior needs to be child-centered, making sure that the child is kept at the center of your divorce case.
• Keep a Watchful Eye on Court Order Violations
An order by the court is an important thing. It needs to be followed and the judges expect nothing else. If you are able to see that the other parent under the guise of parental gate-keeping is violating the court orders, make note of those orders and put them in front of the court for them to decide.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When you agree to settle in a divorce case in consultation with your lawyer that is often a cause for celebration. However, if you aren’t careful enough you may end up regretting the agreement. Two spouses reach an agreement to settle in divorce, one of the spouses after the agreement changes their mind on the agreement. This is a common occurrence.
There are many reasons that the person who has signed the agreement may change their mind on it after a while. Whatever it may be, in contracting terms this act is known as the buyer’s remorse. Here are a few tips for you to follow before you sign the marital settlement agreement.
Understand the Marital Settlement Agreement before you have read it
If at one point of time you find yourself with a settlement agreement document in front of you that you and your lawyer are alien to is the recipe for a disaster. Before the settlement agreement will have been drawn up there must have been a number of detailed deliberations between the two spouses and their lawyers. It is through the course of those negotiations and back and forth of offers that you need to be attentive and aware. You should know what you are agreeing to even before it is agreed and its repercussions.
Give the Agreement a thorough read
This is common sense and unfortunately in some cases that too isn’t very common. Before you sign an agreement and give it your assent the least you can do is give it a detailed thorough read. There is no need to feel pressured about signing a document. You need to take your time, highlights sections you find ambiguous talk to your Orange County divorce lawyer about it before agreeing to it.
Make sure that you are agreeing to an agreement that is practicable for you
When you enter into a divorce settlement agreement you are assuming responsibility to perform the tasks that are laid down in the agreement. This will include matters of child custody, child visitations, spousal support, division of assets etc. When you get into such an agreement you are accepting that the agreement is now legally binding over you.
This is a tricky situation to be in and one where any misstep that is not part of the settlement agreement can be challenged in court and the agreement to its letter and spirit enforced by the family law courts. Hence it is important that the agreement you agree on is practicable for you.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
As the number of divorces continues to rise, so does the number of people opting for divorce mediation. Mediation has continued to take roots in California for a decade or so. Today it has become so popular that even celebrities such as Ben Affleck are looking towards it to end their relationships without bringing their personal family life under the glare of media.
When a person goes through divorce mediation there are a number of good changes that are felt on the person’s life. This blog will talk about some of those good changes that mediation leaves on your life.
· Cordial/Healthy Relationship with the Other Spouse
What sets divorce mediation apart from litigation proceedings is the fact that mediation is all about consultative decision making between the spouses. Irrespective of the extent of their differences, the spouses themselves will need to talk and agree on a mutually acceptable solution. The role of the divorce mediator in such a situation is simply to keep the spouses from fighting one another and to keep the mood of the mediation peaceful.
This when put in practice means that despite ending their relationship, spouses will have cordial and amicable relations post-divorce. They will be able to consult one another at numerous junctures if they want.
· A Happy Childhood for Your child
All a parent wants is to make sure that their child is kept out of harm’s way and remains happy. If you are a parent you’ll understand that when going through a divorce, children can be exposed to a number of pains and emotional torments not least one where they see their parents battling out against the other.
On the other hand, Orange County divorce mediation allows the parents to sit on a table and resolve their issues, chief among which will almost always be the child’s future. The parents can mutually decide the best interest of the child and safeguard their future while keeping them away from the toxic atmosphere of divorce litigation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Are you in the middle of a divorce case that continues to linger on and on and is turning into a grueling process? Then you may be coming to the realization that your litigated divorce case is getting out of hand. In such situations, all the divorce lawyers will do is fight against one another and keep increasing the duration of the case. This will not only be increasing the costs of the process for you but also the stress.
The stress from such a divorce that goes on and on and shows no sign of stopping can be immense. You may even be thinking how bad your decision to go into a litigated divorce was and whether there is anything that you can do to end this ordeal.
Being Careful Of A Legal Mess
When there is a legal mess, a financial mess is often nearby. The situation that you find yourself in can be categorized as a legal mess. There are divorce lawyers churning you for your cash, the case going no faster and the other spouse is feeling the exact same feeling as you of stress and angst at the litigation going out of hand. In such situations, what you need to do is ensure that you take care in how your case proceeds and voice your concerns with your lawyer.
Getting Divorced Without Lawyers
If your spouse is going through the same ordeal as you are, it’s time you approach the other spouse and mutually decide to mediate the case. This process ensures that the two spouses are in charge of the procedure. The format of this divorce is simple. It involves you and your spouse to talk out the issues that you face with one another. Both of you have decide on the details of the divorce agreement such as property division, custody of the child, spousal support, etc. with the guidance of an Orange County divorce mediator. The mediator is a complete third party in this arrangement and is only tasked with keeping the situation during the mediation cordial and to guide you in terms of laws. They will have no bearing whatsoever on the decision that you take. The mediator is there to help settle the case, not to keep it going indefinitely.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Even in this day and age of fast moving lives, there are many households where the husband is the bread earner of the family and the wife stays at home to run the household and takes care of the children. The task that stay at home moms accomplish cannot be underestimated.
The choice of whether to out for divorce mediation or traditional litigation is an important one, since it concerns the procedure that you will opt to end your relation with your spouse. It has added significance because whatever decisions you take will have a significant effect on how your future will be.
The best way to choose between the two is to take a look at the 4 critical areas of a divorce and how each works and then decide for yourself.
Child Custody
When you hire a divorce lawyer and so do your spouse, the two will battle it out in court in front of the judge to prove each party’s worth and ability to have the child. This simply means that you are putting the future of your child in the hands of someone who does not really know you, your spouse, or your child. Are you comfortable with that?
If you opt for divorce mediation on the other hand, you will be able to talk to your spouse under the guidance of a mediator about the child’s future. Children are the most important things in your life and mediation allows parents to amicably sort out mutually acceptable parenting plans to follow.
Alimony/Spousal Support
When you go through a divorce especially since you are a “work-at-home” mom who spent her time trying to run the household instead of earning money, you will be entitled to spousal support. This award that has to be paid by the other spouse is awarded in litigation as well as a right in mediation. In divorce mediation where both of parties decide it, the amount to be paid may be fairer to both parties.
Division of Assets
Litigation will involve the spouse fighting with one another to get the proper division of assets, which ultimately will be decided by a third party judge if not resolved by the parties. Divorce mediation on the other hand allows the spouse to mutually decide their property affairs among themselves more quickly and cost-effectively.
In the end, divorce mediation can accomplish what divorce litigation usually works out, but at a quicker pace and lesser cost, which allows parties to move on with their lives more quickly and focus on the children rather than a lengthy divorce case that goes on for months or even years.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
There may be many reasons that couples opt to go for a divorce. Typically once they have decided to end their marriage, there are only two major ways to set about ending their relation. One is through litigation in court while the other is through divorce mediation.
The two most important individuals in a divorce case in those two respective ways mentioned above after the parties and the judge are a lawyer and a divorce mediator. Both of them though similar in importance are poles apart from one another in all other aspects.
Here is a comparison of the two leading professionals in different types of divorces.
How many are needed in a divorce case?
- In a case of divorce mediation, there is a need for only one mediator.
- However, a case of litigated divorce will need at least 2 lawyers.
What roles do they play in the divorce process?
- The fact that there are two parties and two lawyers in a case of divorce highlight that each of the party is represented by a different lawyer. Their job quite simply put is to fight on behalf of their client in front of the judge using arguments to ensure that their party gets the best possible result.
- A mediator on the other hand is neutral. They are not tasked with taking sides of either party. Instead the word mediation comes from the word middle, i.e. they need to stay neutral throughout the conversation between the two spouses. They are tasked with keeping the spouse on track and working for the solution. However they cannot influence or dictate the solution in any way.
How do they approach their job?
- The task of a lawyer is to advise their clients as to the legal steps or actions that they should take and what they should do.
- The task of a mediator is simpler; they only have to provide the clients with information as to the rules of divorce and financial information about the parties to help the spouses reach a mutual decision.
Time period for completion
- A divorce that is fought by lawyer in the courts will typically type anywhere around 12 months to 36 months to complete.
- On the other hand, a mediated divorce is typically much faster and can usually conclude in 4 to 6 months depending on the issues before the parties and their level of disagreement.
Outcome Certainty
- When you go into a lawyer-driven divorce, there is absolutely no guarantee of which side will win and which side will lose, since the decision depends on one man only and he or she is the judge.
- In a divorce that has an Orange County divorce mediator, there is no one winner. Both the spouses are in charge of the final decision and hence both parties end up winning.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When two people decide to marry, it is one of the most beautiful expressions of human emotions. Agreeing to spend your life with another person mutually is one of the norms of our life. However, it’s not always that such relations work out. The reasons couples for a divorce can be varied. They can either be emotional dissociation, infidelity or just a lack of getting along. Whatever the reason for a divorce, the general consensus developing is that it is better to settle your divorce out of court instead of in it.
A Long Wait
An English legal maxim says “Delay defeats Equity” which means that delay in the justice system hampers the rights of the individuals. Unfortunately the increasing number of people filing for divorce has increased the workload of the courts, causing undue delays. Imagine if you and your spouse have fights almost daily and living with them has proved to be an emotional burden for you. Would you want a faster divorce or one for which you have to wait?
You would of course want a divorce that is fast, allowing you to move on with your life as soon as possible. This is where Orange County divorce mediation comes into play. While courts have tons of procedures that take up time in addition to the delay. Orange County divorce mediation is a fast procedure where the two spouses will talk their differences out and come to a mutually conclusive decision.
The Cost
A divorce is a jolt to your financial situation. Having your assets divided up and your income shared between the two spouses can in itself be a cost. People who go through a divorce face an uncertain economic future, since the state of their finances is in the hands of the judge. These judges will typically have rules and procedures laid down which they will use to divide finances between the two spouses.
Unless the situation is as ideal as the one mentioned in the statute these financial situations are almost always favoring one party and a disadvantage to the other. In Orange County divorce mediation on the other hand, you are able to decide your cases and state of finances between yourself. Remember in mediation, no decision can be taken unless both spouses agree on it. This means the disadvantages spouse will have the chance of making the situation even.
In addition to that, court cases of divorce can be particularly costly in comparison to mediation. For a court case to run, you need to pay the case registration fees, the lawyer’s fees and any other fees that may be required during the course. In mediation however, the costs are much lower and can save parties from incurring substantial debt funding legal fees.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Going through a divorce is not easy. It can be nothing short of emotional torment. The torment in addition to being emotional is more mental, with a feeling of failure and guilt overcoming the spouse now and then.
Sometimes this emotional torment can be turned by the spouse on one another, leading to high conflict in divorce. These divorces where the spouses despise one another and fight against one another at every given outlet are known as high conflict divorces. Typically these divorce cases are dealt with in family law courts. But, they can also be peacefully solved through divorce mediation.
Here are a few steps on how a high conflict divorce can be peacefully settled through mediation.
The mediator should outline how the parties control the outcome of their case and life
In divorce mediation, the mediator keeps the atmosphere cordial and they need to talk to both of the spouses and tell them how they are in charge of their lives.
Knowing that their actions and coordination with one another will determine their future life will allow them to look towards setting aside their conflicts and ensuring that they are able to work with one another.
Let them vent their frustrations and then focus on moving forward
Another way that Orange County divorce mediators can use to calm the high conflict couple down and bring them to peaceful conversation is letting them vent their anger out. How much hate can a person express? Let each of the spouse say whatever they want, once they have said all that they can, they will have nothing inside left to say, making sure that they come to the table and talk with their spouse.
A little cooperation spares a future of problems
Lay down the time span it would take for them to get a divorce through traditional divorce litigation and how long will it take for them to get a divorce through Orange County divorce mediation. When you are dealing with couples in a high conflict divorce, to make spouses work towards an out-of-court divorce requires cooperation and motivation. Mediators should point out that working with a purpose towards resolution will end their case more quickly and allow them to move forward without having to deal with the other spouse sooner.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
During your marriage and once you have gone through a divorce a number of things in and around you can change. However, the more some things change, the more they stay the same that is so as far as your children are concerned. Normally the love, care and attention that the parents grant the children during their marriage will continue even once they have parted ways.
Increasingly most people that have children involved in their divorces are looking to go into Orange County divorce mediation to end their relations instead of a litigated divorce. There are many reasons for this happening. One of the most important ones is because parents can make use of co- parenting to ensure that the child is taken care of at all times.
Despite the apparent importance of co parenting, it continues to be a subject that parents worry themselves about. This blog however gives parents who have gone through a divorce a few tips to help them unravel the mysteries of co-parenting.
1. Communication
This is the most important thing needed in a healthy activity and a relationship at any time. The term co-parenting means that the two parents will have to work together in mutual consultation and agreement to ensure that the child is not made to feel the fact that their parents have gone through an Orange County divorce. For all of these activities to work well, there will need to be sound communication between the two parents.
2. Keep your Emotions to Yourself
Yes you have gone through an Orange County divorce, yes you may have issues with the spouse which is why you opted to end the relation however, do you think those emotions need to be regularly expressed day in and day out? Do you think when your spouse comes over or talks to you about the benefits of your child those emotions should come to the fore and dictate proceedings? The answer is no. Bringing your emotions into the co parenting will only ruin the cordial atmosphere and prove a detriment to your children.
3. Protecting Your Child from the Cross-Fire
There are often situations where the child can be caught up in between the cross fire of hate between their parents. This is the worst position for a child to find themselves in. One of the key’s to unlocking the mysteries of co parenting is putting the child head and shoulders above everyone and everything else. To take a leaf out of the family law in the State, there needs to be the “best interest of the child always at play.
Co-parenting is not one of the hardest things to succeed in life. In fact as far as reality is concerned it is one of the easiest. The thing about it though is that while it is designed to benefit the child, if the parents are unable to put their past behind it can haunt their children.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
A divorce bully can be described as a partner who bullies their spouse during the divorce process. Such behavior may sometimes emerge when a relationship comes to an end even though there has been no previous history of it.
Bullying can make the already stressful circumstances of divorce even more difficult. It may manifest in several forms, whether subtle or more aggressive. Some examples are when one spouse threatens to take custody of the children, hires a lawyer with the intention to intimidate, exhibits extreme control or coerces their partner into making an agreement. Mediation can be effective in helping to cope when one spouse becomes a bully during divorce proceedings.
A skilled mediator can help navigate a divorcing couple through tense and emotional situations. Mediation allows the opportunity to equalize the power and amount of control each spouse has. They can then have constructive discussions that focus on problem-solving in a neutral setting.
Divorce bullies may try to rush proceedings with the intention of forcing their spouse into a potentially disadvantageous arrangement. For example, they could claim the divorce needs to be finalized quickly for the sake of the children. In the highly publicized divorce case of actor Terrence Howard, the judge called him a bully for his behavior in court. However, he still ruled in Howard’s favor regarding a spousal support dispute with his ex-wife Michelle Ghent.
Unlike litigation in which couples battle in court using various tactics against each other, mediation promotes conflict management in a more peaceful setting. The mediation process allows divorcing spouses to take the time to negotiate so that assets are divided fairly and decisions are made with everyone’s best interests in mind.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
As a child, the first thing you remember aside from your parents is the home that you lived in. For children, the importance of the home that they live in and have lived it for the whole of their lives is immense. This is why keeping the children in the marital home is top priority for most parents even when going through a divorce.
Responsible parents will know the importance of giving the child something to hold on to and feel stable about when the whole world that they have known is changing around them. To achieve this, some parents adopt what is called a nestling plan.
What is a Nestling Plan?
A nestling plan is a term that is derived from the home that birds live in, i.e. a nest. The arrangement in this is such that the parents mutually decide to keep the marital home and the children continue to live in it. Each of the parents takes turns living there with the children when it is their turn to have custody. The other parent, meanwhile, live somewhere else during their non-custodial times. Here is a look at the pros and cons of having a nestling plan for your children post divorce.
Pros
· Financial
Keeping the marital home and simply renting another small apartment to live in for either of the spouse when it’s not their parenting time represents a significant reduction in the cost of residence. This is the single largest expense for a spouse post-divorce and so a nestling plan can help you in terms of financial savings.
· Emotional
When you are parents what is the first and foremost thought that comes to your mind? Yes, it is the well-being of your children. Even when you get into a divorce you are not ceasing to be a parent. You will continue to be a parent and keeping the marital home will ensure that you allow your children some emotional solace to stay in the place where they have routine, friends and a life.
Cons
· Financial
Staying in the marital home can also be an advantage and depending on perspectives also a con. Also, this is not really a long-term solution.
Generally, a nestling plan is a viable option while you are going through your divorce or for a certain period of time thereafter, but not necessarily as a permanent arrangement. However, during a divorce, it can provide stability to the children of divorce until a final resolution is worked out and the parties can move forward with their lives.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When you decide to divorce, after the decision to divorce it, the most important decision you have to take is how to go about your divorce. Will you be looking to battle it out against your spouse in court or will you look for an easier route out of the divorce in the form of divorce mediation.
The decision about the method to choose and which one to ditch will typically depend on a number of different factors; one of which is the cost of the process. The fact that divorce mediation is cheaper than its litigated counterpart is a well publicized fact. But do you know what really makes up the costs of divorce mediation?
What Does the Cost of Mediation Depend on?
You’ll be surprised to know that the hourly rate of a divorce mediator only makes up a portion of this. Then what really makes up the cost of divorce mediation if not the hourly rate of the mediator alone? The list is as follows:
- The experience, skill level and the competence level of the mediator
- The thoroughness of the service provided
The experience, skill level and the competence level of the mediator
There are a number of divorce mediators available in each county. While some of them are qualified and learned in the art of mediation others are almost laymen at the work and may not be able to give you the best service. Such people who lack in expertise and knowledge may try and make up for it in cheaper rates. Hence the type of expertise, skill and competence of the mediator will typically dictate the rate that they charge and affect the overall cost of mediation.
The thoroughness of the Service Provided
The depth of the service provided by the divorce mediator will truly dictate the expenses. Sometimes all a mediator will do is preside over the mediation and do nothing. They will let the spouse argue, quarrel, settle the case and fight against one another as long as they are able to get their payments on time. This is typically a dangerous approach. If you want a thorough divorce mediation it might cost you more than usual.
The factors mentioned above are some of the things that have an effect on the cost of Orange County divorce mediation. Mediation is important to ensure that you not only get a low cost divorce but as much as that, you are able to have a peaceful end to your divorce. Getting divorced is often the hardest decision you will make in your life, hence it is important that you ensure that you choose the right method.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
How do you get a divorce in a marriage that you have been in for a very long time? There may be a number of reasons for ending such a long association, but irrespective of that, the most important thing to consider is whether or not you are willing to risk your long-standing relations with your kids and your spouse even after getting a divorce.
When you have been in a long-term marriage, you will know your spouse and even their family and friends inside out. A divorce that is litigated on the other hand will mean that each of the spouses will be using a divorce lawyer to fight against the opposing spouses lawyers. These will typically not end well since lawyers will go through each and every measure to ensure that their client has the upper hand even if it means demeaning of the other spouse.
Don’t leave it on a sour note
Having had a decade long relation of marriage means that you should ensure that you marriage does not end on a sour note. A long marriage means a number of memories, cherishable moments and a healthy relationship with your children. If you opt to go for litigation what you are doing is ultimately making sure that there are issues in your life with regards to your past life even once you have gone through divorce litigation.
This is primarily because a lawyer-led divorce can increase the amount of bitterness between the spouses; in some cases if the marriage has gone on long enough the children may be used to testify against the other spouse i.e. their parents. This will not hurt the family emotionally, but also leave a lasting impact on the children.
Choosing a Peaceful Way
If you are looking to end your marriage that has been going on for a long time, the best way to do that while ensuring the peace and integrity of both the spouses is maintained is going for Orange County divorce mediation. There many reasons why divorce mediation suits the divorce of your long standing relation. Here is a list of some of the many advantages that it offers.
- When you enter into divorce mediation, the power of decision making is with the spouses, which means that they can make decisions of their future themselves as long as it is mutually acceptable.
- What happens in mediation stays in mediation. This means that while the proceedings of the court and the court records are a matter open to the general public. In divorce mediation, whatever happens in the process stays between the two spouses and the mediator. Ensuring that modesty of the claimants as well as their self respect is maintained.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Going through a divorce is never easy. There are tons of emotions involved. Ending what was initially started to last a lifetime is never something that spouses are comfortable about. The fact of the matter however is that, whether its litigation proceedings or the decision to go into a divorce mediation, one of the spouse initiates it.
In most situations once the first spouse has initiated the divorce proceedings the other spouse is able to tag along and go along with the idea of the relationship ending. Yet, there are some situations where despite one of the spouse looking to end the relation, the other spouse refuses to do so, instead opting to continue the relation.
The Dilemma
The dilemma in this regard arises when the couple is looking to go for divorce mediation. The process of mediation is one where the spouses have to converse with one another for the resolution of the disputes that they face. The solution and the ultimate breaking up of assets, children visitation and custody maters and even matters of spousal support are all decided mutually by the spouse with a mediator ensuring a smooth, cordial atmosphere.
The dilemma here is how do you do all that when there is a reluctant spouse who refused to get divorced? This dilemma is faced not so much so in divorce litigation faces because there the judge summons the other spouse to present their view point. In case of a no show, judges have the power to order in default. Is that fair? That is a discussion for another day.
The Solution
People don’t opt for litigation because while it may work in terms of the above mentioned scenario but it deprives the spouses of making decisions about matters that affect their lives. Hence, it is important in this regard to ensure that spouse opting for mediation as long as they want to keep some element of control over their lives.
But how do you make a reluctant spouse willing to participate in divorce mediation? There is no one way of doing so. Most of the steps outlined below can be used simultaneously or one after another.
- Show them that you understand their view point before putting your view point forward. This will help them understand that what you are saying may in fact be along the lines of their thought.
- Talk to them about the benefits of going through divorce mediation. Highlight how they will be able to control 50% of the decision and how nothing that they refuse to give assent will be made part of the resolution.
- If they insist on you giving the relationship another chance, respectfully outline to them how you think there is a no chance of the relationship mending and how you would want to end it on a cordial relation instead of a bitter one.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Despite the common perception that divorce is simply about the legal aspects that is not the case. Going into a divorce involves a number of things, only one of which is legal. How you divorce is about will also depend on the procedure you opt to end your relation. In a litigated case, there are a number of legal aspects to take into account and legal aspects are often the most important. With other modes of divorce, such as an Orange County divorce mediation and the most important role is that of finances i.e. money.
Whatever decision you take in your Orange County divorce mediation will affect the way you live life. To ensure that you don’t end up ruining your financial future, here is low down on the 4 financial issues you need to take into account before going into a divorce.
1. Are you able to make ends meet?
Most people are typically under the impression that divorce is a way to have more money at your disposal. That irrespective of it being an Orange County divorce mediation or litigation is not the case. I anything divorce creates an expense on you. Logically speaking, when you end up making one family life into two you are doubling the house rent, the utility bills and everything else. When you know the position you are financially in, you can make a better decision as to whether what you should bargain for in your mediation.
2. If you want to stay in the house, how much will staying cost you?
People, especially kids are emotionally attached to homes. When you and your spouse decide to call it quits using Orange County divorce mediation, either of you, whoever the kids stay with longer will want to keep the home. Yet, keeping the home since it has sentimental value can cost you financially. Before you let your emotions overpower you, think about how much would the repairs and maintenance of the house would cost, how would the mortgage payments be made etc.
3. Is your job stable?
Especially when you are considering payments of spousal and child support, this factor needs to be considered. The days when you could keep you job for life have long gone. Now, you can be terminated for the slightest of reasons. So before you and your spouse go one to make an Orange County divorce mediation resolution about spousal and child support. Think about the stability of your job.
4. What will your divorce cost? And how much would it cost you to start a new life?
These are two financial aspects but since they are interconnected they have to be talked about together. When you choose an Orange County divorce mediation you are freeing yourself from the costly divorce concept. Mediations are cheap and affordable. With that out of the way, knowing how much your new life will cost you. Should help you negotiate the financial capabilities you want to take out of the Orange County divorce mediation resolution.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Late-life divorce, also called “silver” or “gray” divorce, is becoming more acceptable and common. However, divorce during senior years carries its own unique concerns and financial challenges.
Researchers at the Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio, found that although overall divorce rates in the United States are falling, people aged 50 and over are now twice as likely to undergo divorce in comparison to 1990. The study also indicated that one out of four divorces in 2010 occurred in that age group.
Divorce is a difficult process at any age. Although seniors who choose to divorce may not face the same stressful child custody and support issues that younger couples may have, they will likely have to deal with major financial considerations.
During divorce proceedings, senior couples need to consider how to split retirement assets that are present in the marriage. Such assets continue to grow even after the divorce, and careful planning can help ensure that individuals receive their share of the payments. The rules governing the division of retirement accounts in California are complex and ever-changing.
With studies showing that remarriages have higher divorce rates, individuals would also benefit from getting a prenuptial agreement to protect assets. Without one, a second divorce can drain retirement savings that have already been divided once. A prenuptial agreement is a tool that enables an even post-marital distribution of assets to avoid conflict.
No matter the age of the divorcing spouses, they should try to keep conversations about finances as neutral and amicable as possible. There is no benefit in having a contentious divorce. Instead, mediation can offer the opportunity for both parties to reach a satisfying outcome on common ground.
For more information, see:
- http://money.usnews.com/money/retirement/articles/2015/04/24/7-things-to-know-about-divorcing-during-your-senior-years
- http://www.nytimes.com/2015/10/31/your-money/after-full-lives-together-more-older-couples-are-divorcing.html?_r=0
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Spousal support/maintenance is something that most spouses that are in a better economic state to their other spouse will have to pay once they decide to part ways. The idea of spousal support which is also known as alimony is designed to make sure that the dependent spouse in the marriage is protected during and post-divorce.
Determining spousal support in divorce can be complicated as there are various techniques that judges use to determine the amount of spousal support. Generally people who through a litigated divorce will be given out formulaic approach for support orders that have a stark disregard of the situation of the couple, and instead focus on black and white procedural rules.
A Comfortable Way Out
While the courts must stick with the rules and set precedents in deciding a spousal support order, people who go to divorce mediation will have the chance to getting their spousal support decided rationally.
The rational approach is a popular approach that most spouse uses with one another when deciding their post-divorce alimony payments. Use of this approach typically leads to a more just settlement that is closely modeled on the current economic situation of the parties.
The Rational Approach
The rational approach derives its concept from the word rational which loosely translated means reasonable. If you are considering divorce mediation in Orange County with your spouse, looking to make use of this approach, here is a lowdown on how it works.
The process starts with a detailed analysis of the living expenses that can be reasonably associated with each party. It is important at this stage that the two parties don’t get into a futile argument as to what expense to keep and what to leave.
If you think that you have a legitimate claim to some expense that needs to be added in your reasonable expense list and your spouse should accept it. It is advisable that you carry a credit card, a monthly bank bill of the withdrawals of cash made each month and the monthly receipts of items you regularly need in your life. If you are able to show all of the evidences your case in front of the other party will strengthen, more often than not compelling them to agree to your assertions.
The rational approach will usually divide the spousal payments into multiple schedule lines, easier for the spouses to divide amongst each other. The common factors that need to be taken into account before deciding on the rational approach spousal maintenance are:
- Monthly payment of spousal maintenance
- Gross monthly income covering all sources
- Total expenses that incurred monthly
- The total monthly income with respect to adding of spousal maintenance received and subtraction of spousal maintenance paid.
- The total number of taxes that have been paid by each party off their incomes
- Net income that is left remaining post payment of taxes and deduction of expenses.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce mediation has become the talk of the town with celebrities and common people alike wanting to make use of this peaceful divorce process. Among the many reasons that have defined its popularity, one of them is that the process is conflict free with both the spouses needing to come to terms with one another and talk their way to resolution.
Unlike litigation where spouses are accompanied by their team of high powered lawyers who battle it out in court, using all kinds of tactics against the other spouse. In mediation, the two spouses have to negotiate with one another.
Here is a list of few steps in negotiation that lead to a conflict-free divorce mediation.
Laying Down the Issues
The best way to go about Orange County divorce mediation is laying down the issues first and foremost before your emotions take over. Defining and outlining the issues in front of your spouse will give you both a clear demarcation of subjects that you will have to talk about. At this stage if there are other issues that need to be addressed, your spouse will add them to the discussion to make sure you know exactly what the negotiations will base around.
Identifying concerns and underlying interests
Once you have laid down what has to be discussed, the next step is to find out what is important for each of the spouse. Typically in an Orange County divorce mediation one of the spouse can want the custody of the child while the other may have an inclination towards the monetary side of things. This will make sure that the two parties know which topic needs to be touched briefly and which one needs to be discussed deeply to allay the concerns of the other party.
Developing Options that will help Address the Solution
Both the spouses will typically have designs on how they want the issues to be resolved. You need to put your solutions to the problems forwards and ask the other party to do the same. This will make sure that a number of ideas are put on table instead of one.
Bringing the Options together for a resolution
Once the options for the resolution have been laid down, the emphasis is then on the making sure that these options are chopped and changed. Deliberated upon and accepted for a final resolution. This phase of the negotiation will involve bargaining between the two spouses when both the spouse will need to give the other spouse something in return for what they want. For example if you want the custody of the child in the holiday season, you may have to give up the right of taking him with you on the weekends, etc.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When you get into a marriage irrespective of the reasons for your marriage more often than not you would want the marriage to last the lifetime. Yet, there are often three kinds of marriages: One is a marriage that lasts a lifetime; another is a long term marriage while the last one is a short term marriage. Out of the three, a short term marriage is one less than 10 years in duration.
How should you get a divorce after your short term marriage? The answer to the question can be given in a number of different ways. You could either go for divorce mediation or a litigated divorce. Both of these methods are completely different to one another and the method you choose will dictate the way you live life in your future as well as relations you have with your kids and your ex spouse.
Litigated Divorce
A litigated divorce which is dictated by the family law court is one of the most common way couples have opted to end their marriages. These cases are typically heard by the judge and the two spouses are each represented in the court by their counsels who will look to make sure that they leave no stone unturned to demean the other spouse and give advantage to their client.
However these divorces despite being the typical way that people have divorced over the years have started to face a number of administrative issues which has meant that they are unable to handle the bulk of cases causing undue delays, etc.
Divorce Mediation
Typically this is one area that has continued to increase in popularity as litigation starts to lose the confidence of the people. Orange County divorce mediation is one of the easiest ways to get divorced. Here, unlike litigation, the decision-making authority is in the hands of the spouses. In a mediated divorce, the two spouses are asked to sit together and talk with one another to ensure that the they are able to agree on resolutions to their divorce.
When you have had a short term marriage, it can almost be equated with a breakup. For people that have gone through long marriages, marriage may have become part of their life. The people going through a short term marriage are luckier in way that they might not have become as entrenched in their married life. Irrespective of the fact that they have been in a short or a long term marriage, having healthy relations with your spouse and your kids even after you have had an Orange County divorce. For that to happen you will need to go through a peaceful divorce settlement, free from bitterness, and that means divorce mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The number of people opting out of their marriages has been at a steady rate for decades. However, what is more of a new development in recent years is the rise of divorce mediation as a more cost-effective, reasonable way to resolve divorce cases.
Different Yet Similar
This highlights how Orange County divorce is increasingly being used by couples to make sure they rid themselves from a number of issues. Not just one. What then is the primary issue or reason that is resulting in divorce? The answer is simple, there is no one reason. The reasons for opting out of marriage can vary from illicit spousal behavior to aggression and abuse and from that to extra marital or financial affairs.
While the issues pertaining to why a couple is looking for a divorce can vary, so can the methods. Despite being the oldest divorce method, litigation is fast losing its appeal in the masses, with people looking for a quieter, peaceful divorce achieved through Orange County divorce mediation.
So while the conclusions at the end of the mediation process, the results, the reason for the divorce and the impact the divorce is having on a particular person can vary. One thing that is nearly the same in all cases of Orange County divorce mediation is the subject matter. This blog will highlight the kinds of issues that almost always come up in Orange county divorce mediation.
Parenting Arrangements for Minor Children
Children are one of the most important assets for their parents and in any divorce settlement; they have an important role to play, especially in cases where the child is a minor.
- Decision-making for significant issues
- Child care arrangements
- Residential arrangements and time-sharing
- Tutoring
- Pick-up and drop-off
- Extra-curricular activities
Property and Debt Division
Division of assets and liabilities is another area where spouses are bound to have issues and careful deliberations are often needed to solve these issues amicably.
- Ownership of business
- Vehicles
- Life insurance policies
- Household goods
- Stocks, bonds and other securities.
- Real estate
- Checking and savings accounts
- Attorney or Mediation fees
- Income tax issues
- Retirement type accounts
Spousal Maintenance
Paying the dependent spouse an amount to keep them away from financial hardships is often one of the primary issues to think about for both spouses.
- Cash settlement
- Periodic payments or lump sum
- Tax deductible or not
- Modifiable or non-modifiable
- Duration of payments
Child Support for Minor Children
The custody arrangement will determine which parent the child lives with, determining their monthly maintenance amount will also have some difficulties.
- Post-secondary education tuition for children.
- Wage assignment
- Medical insurance for minor children
- Child Support Guidelines
- Periodic exchange of income information related to child support
Are you looking for a peaceful and fast divorce? If you are then contact us at California Divorce Mediators today!
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
In mediation, there are three parties involved in the discussions. One if the mediator and the other two are the spouses themselves. The job of the mediator is to simply preside over the matter and make sure that the discussion goes in a healthy, amicable and peaceful environment.
Bargaining
The essence of divorce mediation is to make sure that spouses are able to reach a mutually conclusive agreement between the two that both parties agree on. While you and your spouse may have lived together, once you decide to part ways the design of each spouse on their respective futures can be different. Most of these plans will need to be agreed upon in mediation in terms of child custody, division of asset, child and spousal support payments etc.
These are all matters that can lead to a deadlock, in such a situation you need to be able to master the art of bargaining. Bargaining means taking something by giving the other party something else that he or she wants. The most important distinction you need to make when you are negotiating with your spouse is whether it’s strictly business or whether the two parties still have some feelings of appreciation for one another.
Bargaining for Your Benefit
When you are bargaining the most important thing to do is to establish your initial position. You need to make sure whatever initial offer you make has room for you to concede through the process of bargaining. The initial offer that you make is often assumed to be the least that you will accept at the start of discussion.
Ideally, the key to bargaining is going into divorce mediation knowing exactly what is a must for you to have and then making sure you use the other resources and offers trying to accept that is achieved.
What you Should and Should Not Do in Bargaining
- You need to be willing to compromise and be flexible.
- Whatever offer you make, make sure they are reasonable and you explain the reasoning to your spouse.
- Always stay calm, things may get heated, but a level head will make sure you get your targets
- You should make it clear that you are not hesitant to walk away from the bargaining if it gets one sided.
- Don’t intimidate the other spouse and don’t be intimidated by them either.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When a couple decides to divorce, there are many emotions that each spouse can often feel which includes anger, hate, disappointment and self pity. While these emotions are acceptable since divorce can be hard to grapple with, it is important to make sure that the process is not complicated by problems created by the parties themselves.
In our experience as California divorce mediators, unfortunately we have come across a number of spouses creating problems in their mediation process and ultimately in then resolution of their cases. Here is a list of some of these common problems that couples create.
Financial Inaccuracy
Whether you like it or you don’t, the role of finances is one of the most important ones in divorce. For things in the marriage to go as smoothly as possible both of then spouses need to ensure accuracy of data provided and be truthful in their assertions. Orange County divorce mediation is not litigation; there is no judge that you want to fool around with. You need to work with them to produce an effective solution and lying about your financial assets may decrease the effectiveness of the process.
Bringing the Past in the Present
The problems that you have had to face in your relation are ones that only you can understand. No mediator can gauge the trouble and torment that you went through. Yet, what you need to understand is that focusing on then past and bringing it up in mediation discussion will only create further problems for the future. The other spouse may start to get cranky or uneasy, ruining the amicable atmosphere needed for a divorce to conclude within a reasonable time. work.
Not Compromising and Being Rigid
The term mediation means compromising and reaching a solution between one another. Compromising and accepting the view point of the other party is an important step in mediation. Two spouses will often have two solutions in mind; neither of them can enforce their own on the other. For a mediation to be effective both of them need to accept some of the demands of the other to reach a mutually acceptable decision.
Thinking About Everything but the Kids
Being a parent means that the single most important thing for parents is their kids. They want to make sure that their kids are kept safe and have a healthy future up ahead. In such situations, the biggest problem you can create is forgetting about the interests of your kids and their future while you go through Orange County divorce mediation with the other spouse.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Prenuptial (premarital) agreements have become a tool that spouses and couples are increasingly using to shore up the finances and even up the post-marital distribution of assets to avoid any kind of issues after separation. Despite the emerging presence of prenuptial agreements, there continue to be a number of myths about prenuptial agreements. Here is a list of some of these myths:
Prenups are just for wealthy people
That perception is based on the past. People believe that premarital agreements are for the wealthy couples. In reality that is not the case. Prenups are for anyone that has the slightest bit of confidence in their abilities and knows that they’ll reach a nice financial position in live. While you may not be rich, you’ll want to have successful marriage. Prenuptial agreements clearly lay down the financial status of the spouses leaving little to imagination and allowing for a open and honest relation.
Prenups favor the rich spouse more than the poor one
Once again this is a perception rooted in the past. Today, prenuptial agreements only exist when they are fair to both spouses and if they protect the interests of both. Unfair prenups that take the side of one party and unduly miserly on the other spouse will not hold any legal authority. Prenuptial agreements are used as a clear cut division of assets predetermined in the event of a divorce instead of a tool to save your assets and monetary belongings.
Prenups need to be extensive, detailed and should have all the details in the world
The fact of the matter is, that is not the case at all. Prenuptial agreements are designed to determine the post Orange County divorce status of some, many or all aspects of finances, etc. It is actually dependent on the two spouses making the agreement to determine what it would cover and what it shouldn’t. A prenuptial agreement needs not be extensive it can include even a few things.
Prenups are unromantic and can ruin a marriage
Knowing something is better than living in its ignorance. There are some people that believe a prenuptial agreement which is effectively a part of the planning for a divorce. This in reality is not the case; prenuptial agreements are not made simply in anticipation of a divorce. If anything they are created to make sure the two spouses are clear on the financial issues and avoid any bitterness in case they go through a divorce.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Orange County divorce mediation is becoming a more preferable alternative to traditional divorce litigation. A number of people are looking towards this new method as means to end their relationship peacefully without hassle. Yet, most people who are interested in mediation are reluctant to try this new method since they are unaware of the issues that mediation can handle.
Here is a lowdown on some of the leading issues that Orange County divorce mediation can handle:
Child Custody
Which spouse gets the custody of the spouse? Will it be a joint custody and what will be the visitation hours are all important issues that need to decide after a couple decides to end their relation. Children are one of the most important assets and should be dealt with by care. There are two types of physical custody available in Orange County family law; one is physical custody and the other legal custody. Spouses attending mediation are not quite bound by these laws; hence can often workout a workable parenting plan between themselves in the best favor of the child.
Spousal Support
Spousal support is another issue that can be mutually decided between spouses in Orange County Divorce mediation. Spousal support simply put is a payment made by the spouse that earns to then stay at home spouse to make sure they are able to sustain their lifestyle. The idea behind this payment is to make sure that the spouse that stays at home is not but at a disadvantage to the earning spouse.
Child Support
One of the leading issues of an Orange County divorce is with regards to child support. This simply means the payment that needs to be paid to maintain and guarantee the betterment of the child and to safeguard their future. While the law in California has a special way and set rules to decide how each of the spouses need to pay the support to the spouse who has the custody of the child, in an Orange County divorce mediation things are different. There is a realization that no two situations are same and spouses can decide mutually any amount that they see fit and just for their child.
Division of Debt
Debt division is an important issue, which unfortunately must come up in all divorce mediation cases. While asset division is thought to be one aspect which can result in conflicts between spouses, debt division can also divide opinions. Yet handling and dividing of debt is an important debt that comes up in mediation cases.
Property Division
Division of asset is an important part of your divorce case irrespective of whether it is mediation or litigation. In mediation spouses will have the chance to decide on their asset division in a more flexible comfortable way that can help both the parties in their future endeavors.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Is there ever a “good” divorce? The concept of a perfect divorce is essentially a flawed one. A divorce in itself is a sign of imperfection and a failure in terms of the relation between the spouses. Divorce is not something that spouses plan for and yet it is something that continues to happen day in and day out.
While there may be no concept of a good or perfect divorce, is there are a better way to end the relation with your spouse so that neither of you feel betrayed at how the relationship ended? There certainly is, here is a low down on the better way to divorce your spouse.
Divorce mediation: the better way to divorce
Divorce mediations are carried out by divorce mediators. These people are responsible for maintaining that the divorce goes on smoothly, with both the spouses talking their differences out and reaching a mutually acceptable decision. Mediation is one of the fastest and easiest ways for two spouses to part ways but there are a number of things that need to be maintained in order to make sure that mediation works.
Time, effort and effective communication are just a few of the many ingredients needed in a successful mediation proceeding. The key to a good mediation is cooperation. Here is a list of a few tips to make sure divorce mediation works.
· Open communication
One of the things that makes divorce mediation a perfectly acceptable process for most spouses is because of its transparency. Both the spouses involved in the process and the mediator conducting the mediation need to be kept in the loop with all then happenings of the case. Once you have committed to solving your marital issue using mediation you need to be open to effective and detailed communication with your spouse amicably.
· Come to mediation with an open mind
Before most spouses come to divorce mediation, they will have drawn up certain solutions and scenarios that they may be willing to accept. While that is a healthy approach allowing you to have a solution in mind during your negotiations, you should not be rigid with your solution. As you go through Orange County divorce mediation, newer solutions may be flaunted and you find them acceptable. It is okay to move away from you pre-set solution and agree to the one being suggested by your spouse.
· Willingness to cooperate
You may not be happy with your spouse on their decision to part ways, but once you have become part of mediation process. The key to success is making sure you are ready to cooperate and work together with them to find a solution. You should realize that it your future that is being decided and you should make sure it is for the best.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce is something each and every person looks to avoid. The purpose of getting married is never to end up divorced and yet there are often situations where the only way to make sure that the lives of both the spouses continue normally is for them to part ways.
Most cases of divorce can often be settled out of court, using a number of alternative dispute resolution methods, such as Orange County divorce mediation. What most spouses don’t realize is that, when they are going through a divorce the support of their family and friends is integral.
Family and Friends–The Supporting Cast
Going through a divorce can be hard. There is a lot of anger and grief within the person. In such situations the importance of their friends and family rallying around them and offering the spouse their utmost support can make all the difference. Although most spouses don’t know it, when you have your loved ones backing your decisions it can instill confidence and confidence at a time when you are facing the unlikely task of having to part ways with your spouse is important.
Family and Friends A Hiccup?
There are primarily two ways to divorce, one is through the courts and the other is through mediation. The support of friends and family is important in the process of litigation when you are fighting a battle against the other spouse, in mediation though that support can ruin the chances of its success.
When you are aggrieved at the other spouse and their actions, your friends and family will almost naturally side with you. They will support you not only moral but emotional support to get through the crisis unscathed. Sometimes this emotional help can be in the way of channeling your anger towards the other spouse. Making sure they join you in your fury and anger over their actions which led to the downfall of this relation.
While this may be good for litigation it can prove disastrous for Orange County divorce mediation. The process of mediation is all about making sure that the two spouses sit together and resolve their issues through mutual consultation. Mediation empowers the two spouses to come up with and agree on the solutions to their problems. Led by divorce mediators they are ideally held in healthy atmosphere with both parties comfortable with the other.
If the support of your friends and family starts to fuel your anger towards your spouse, it is going to show in the mediation. You may start to curse the other spouse, make sure his or her demands are not agreed upon etc. This is an illogical way to deal with mediation and one that could not only waste your time, but it could also mean the failure of the process.
So while the support of friends and family is important it should be well within the limits.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The media in California was full of the news this past summer that actors Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner were looking to divorce and that their preferred method for their divorce was divorce mediation. Back in the day when couples opted to divorce, most of them went straight to court for resolution of their divorce. They would be flanked by lawyers and would battle it out against one another in front of the Judge leaving the decision of their fates in the hand of the Judge.
The choice of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner to peacefully end their relationship using divorce mediation shows a shift from litigation to mediation.
Changing Times
Divorce mediation is often being used by celebrities one because it allows them to maintain their privacy and reach a resolution. One of the responsibilities of a divorce mediator is to keep whatever is being discussed between the spouses private unless it is a matter of threat to the national security or other such extrapolated reasons.
One of the reasons why most spouses opted for litigation was because it allowed them to battle it out with their spouse, slandering them and destroying their future using their high powered lawyers. This is often a reasoning used by spouses who are angry at the conduct of their spouses and want to teach them a lesson.
A Better Alternative
While you may want to teach your spouse a lesson using litigation, have you ever thought what kind of a message that would give to your children? When children are involved in a divorce the type of divorce needs to change for their benefit. Using litigation where both the spouses are fighting against one another will damage the children mentally as much as emotionally.
Divorce in itself can be a hard task for children to go through; the fact that they will be unable to have the love of one of their parent at a time will take some getting used to. Over burdening those in the knowledge that their parents hate each other and are not able to stand on another will only add to their torment.
One of the reasons why divorce mediation is more of a preferred option over litigation as the first choice not only for celebrities but also the general public is because it not only helps soothe the process at this point of time, it also sets up for a amicable future between the two spouses.
The whole process of divorce mediation is run by two spouses themselves. They will have to mutually talk about the issues they face and agree on a solution that leaves both of them satisfied. When the spouses are able to do that, it will harness a healthy communicative relationship between them, where they can continue to communicate for the betterment of their children.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Mediation in general and divorce mediation in particular are not one way procedures that have their techniques defined and laid out in particular patterns. The style of mediation and the direction that your divorce mediation will take depends largely on the course of action that is adopted by the particular mediator.
There are many types that can be adopted, a facilitative approach, a transformational approach, and an evaluative approach. The core of mediation is not rigid; there is vast variety on how mediators use these techniques to make divorce easier for their clients. It is largely down to these distinctions that mediation can be laid down as an art more than a science.
The Importance of The Mediator
In areas of divorce mediation, the importance of the mediator is obvious, who helps guide the process with his or her knowledge of the law, personality traits, and ability to communicate. A mediator can interject their legal opinion, but should not automatically do so unless requested by the parties. A mediator is not a judge so they should not proceed as one. Rather, they are there to help the parties bridge the differences in their positions without imposing their own “decision.”
Primary Role is to Inform and Not Advise
Divorce mediators are not allowed to give legal advice per se because of their role as neutral facilitators and not advocates for either party. However, they can inform the parties about the legal aspects. To inform is to objectively identify some elements of law that have not been or need to be fulfilled in order to make the divorce mediation as success.
During divorce mediation, couples will discuss a range of issues. During such discussions, a mediator’s job is not to interfere or control the discussion unless there is an impasse. They will only look to make sure that the discussion goes on smoothly and heads in the right direction, i.e. resolution.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Even when parents go through a divorce, the first thing on their mind is always the best interests of their children. Parenting is one of the most important aspects in your post-separation and post-divorce life and making sure that your children are not neglected once the two spouses have separated is a big challenge.
When parents go through divorce mediation as opposed to contentious litigation, they are better able to decide on effective co-parenting procedures, visitations and custody arrangements. Some of which may involve the children living apart from you. Here are a few tips to help you pull it off effective parenting:
- Stay connected with them using emails, video chatting, and cards. While the world may have moved on from the old ways of communication, a card or a letter that’s inspirational and funny can really melt the heart of your child. You child needs to know that he or she continues to be the center of your affection even after your divorce.
- If your child is not a teen yet, they will have different needs that you’ll need to care for despite not being there with them. The simplest thing you can do is to tell them a bed-time tale before they sleep, on the phone. It would be best if you each have the book that is being read so that each of you can turn the pages like the other making it a more interactive, loving experience.
- Keep in contact with them frequently. Your primary aim as a parent during and after divorce is to make sure that your child is comfortable, safe and secure. You can only do that if you have frequent contact with them.
- Remember you are not the only parent to the child. If your child is in the custody of the other spouse after your divorce, it is crucial that you realize that and refrain from trying to run your child’s life the way you want. You should have the belief in the other spouse to take good care of your child and not try to assert too much control on what happens at the other parent’s home.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Going through a divorce may be hard, but getting over a divorce is not easy either. Once you have gone through a divorce with your spouse, usually you’ll feel tired, bogged down or even emotionally unstable to some extent. These are indications that your divorce has left you drained to the core. Irrespective of the divorce procedure adopted, once you have gone through a divorce, you’ll need to start being happy.
Here are 15 ways you can bring the happiness and the joy back in your life post divorce:
1. Seek Inspiration
Go online or surf through the quotation books and write the most inspirational quotes that resonate with your situation and post them throughout your house and work in different parts, so that each time of the day when you look at them you feel inspired.
2. Be Firm in Your Resolve to Recover
You can never recover from your divorce unless you are looking to recover from it. Make sure you are hell-bent on healing and it will eventually follow.
3. Laugh Your Way Through It
Laughter is the best remedy. When you start to think of your ex or what might have been, put on a funny DVD on your favorite standup comedians and enjoy the show.
4. Listen to Uplighting, Fun Music
Close the curtains, close the door, power up the music and fire away. Sing, dance, just let your free spirit out and let it enjoy the music.
5. Delve into Books
If you are a fan of reading, instead of letting your mind wander off in the events of your divorce, simply grab a good book that soothes your soul or captures your imagination.
6. Find an Affirmation
When you are going through a rough patch, it is important that you develop a motto, an affirmation that you can tell yourself everyday when the going gets tough to keep your morale up.
7. Go Outside
Nature is the best healer, get outside, walk in the sunshine, smell the flowers and have a nice walk through the garden, all of these will help you erase the gloom in your life.
8. Help the Less Fortunate
You situation may be bad, but when you help someone less fortunate, you’ll see how their situation is even worse. Helping someone in need will also make you feel emotionally and spiritually good.
9. Get a Pet
You need a distraction in life and raising a pet could be just that, and they are often excellent companions.
10. Avoid Drowning Your Sorrow
Cut down or limit consumption of beer, wine and cocktails. Alcohol is only a temporarily relief that can sometimes lead to other problems. Find other avenues of relief, like exercise.
11. Get Creative
Bake a cake if you love to bake; if you are into art make a painting; create a sculpture, since art and creativity are the best release of emotions.
12. Reach Out to Family
When you are down and out, seek refuge with your family, they’ll show you the care and the love you deserve.
13. Reach out to Friends
Talk to our friends, tell them you have gone through divorce and the best ones will rush to your side and make sure you are happy.
14. Sleep Well
There may well be sleepless night, but for your health and your happiness, try to get a good night’s sleep as often as possible.
15. Go Through Mediation for Divorce
If you want to get divorced, make sure you choose a method that is consultative and empowering which lets you take the decision of your divorce yourself and continue to be on amicable terms with your ex spouse. Divorce mediation will make the divorce process easier, and in turn, it will make the post-divorce recovery much smoother and quicker.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
A divorce itself can be a complex and tight affair. Add retirement plans to your already complex divorce and you have lots of things to deal with. There is a term used in divorce cases known as deferred compensation. This is a word used to refer to 401K plans, pension plans and other assets of retirement. There are a number of ways that these plans can be made divisible regardless of them being one party or the other in a settlement agreement.
Their division usually depends on the nature and the value of the asset. Here is a list of a few common retirement asset types.
· Saving Plans
These are plans such as the ESOPs, 401k plans, Thrift saving plans, IRAs etc.
· Defined Contribution Plans
A define contribution plan is different to a savings plan. The value of this plan is determined with respect to the contributions that are made to this plan over the course. The money invested in such plans can be invested and can grow.
· Defined Benefit Plans
A defined benefit plan is one plan that compensates the spouse once they have retired to the date when their life time ends. This is usually done through a monthly payment every month for the rest of their lives.
Dividing Saving Plans
Saving plans are considered cash plan and hence can be divided as part of a divorce between two spouses. They can be liquidated, but before the liquidation happens, it is important that the accounts custodian is given a certified copy that has the court order clearly written down on it. The IRA proceeds can either be directly paid to the spouses or they may be used to make two separate IRA accounts for both the spouses. This could however result in a loss of the 30% for taxes as a penalty for early withdrawal.
Dividing Defined Contribution Plans
Before defined contribution plans can be divided because of a divorce between two spouses, they’ll need to be valued. Their valuation is carried out by multiplying the vesting percentage to the balance of the account. Generally when such plans are divided each spouse gets one half of the vested current value of the plan.
Diving Defined Benefit Plans
The workings of a defined benefits plan are different to the above mentioned retirement plans. In such plans the benefits of the participants will not be liquidated before the retirement age of the owner spouse is reached. Once the age is reached the participant spouse will receive her retirement plan in her name with respect to the marital interest they have in the participant’s plan. This plane given to the spouse will also have the same terms and conditions as the original retirement plan has.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The simple fact about getting a divorce is even if one party wants to get a divorce, both of you will get a divorce. There is no need for permission by the other spouse for the divorce process to go through. It can go on without it.
While you can get a divorce if you are hell bent on getting it, trying too hard and pushing the other spouse into the process can ultimately lead to wide ranging bust ups and bitterness between the two spouses.
You should always remember the fact that the way your Orange County divorce starts will set the tone and path it will take throughout the separation procedure. If you want a divorce you can go to the court and get one, but is that really the best option especially if you have kids?
The best way to divorce in a relationship that has kids is through Orange County divorce mediation. But for mediation to work, you need to understand the objections to divorce that your spouse has raised and then logically addressing these to them.
Here are the 3 top reasons your spouse may raise against going ahead with a divorce.
#1: For the kids’ sake it’s better to stay together
Some spouses believe that parents need to stay together with one another be it at any cost just to make sure the kid’s are taken care of. While this may academically be relevant, in reality that is not the case. A divorce in itself doesn’t necessarily have a lasting detrimental effect on the children.
It may be a setback to not have your parents living together, but if the parents are able to agree on an effective co-parenting procedure the change will not be visible to the child. All in all, it’s better than seeing married parents fighting it out daily.
#2: Let’s give it a little time to work it out
People don’t wake up one day and decide that they are better off with a divorce. The decision of wanting out will require a number of years of emotional torment, and deliberations. Most spouses that opt to divorce will opt for it at a stage when it has really become stagnant and there is very little if anything anybody can do to make it better.
When that’s the case, no counseling or time together can change that and ultimately a divorce will need to be taken.
#3: It’s better economically to stay together
Spouses who are practical may look at divorce as an unnecessary financial strain. While that may be true, it needs to be remembered that people who live apart are more aware of their finances and thus tend to be more responsible with their spending among other things.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The first divorce mediation session can be nerve-wracking due to uncertainty about what to expect and how the other party will behave. Being prepared with a detailed plan will ensure a smooth transition through the mediation process to life after divorce.
A recent online survey of divorcing couples by divorce preparation website completecase.com shows that Vermont tops the list for easy, amicable divorces in the United States. Divorce in California was found to be pleasantly cordial, where couples part ways with minimal hostility.
Communication and cooperation are essential for an amicable divorce. A skilled mediator can get the divorcing parties in the right mindset to arrive at a friendly resolution. Divorce is never easy, but the more prepared you are, the more productive your mediation will be.
Getting organized before mediation can help spare time, money and stress. Important items to bring to the first session are a list of assets, properties, bank account balances, retirement funds and other financial documents. Information about debts and loans, as well as records about income sources should also feature in the list. Drafting a budget is also a key step as it will shed light on your current financial picture and what finances will look like post-divorce. The budget should be realistic and based on concrete expenses. It should incorporate expenses such as mortgage payments, car payments, child care costs and health insurance. Bring the list with you to mediation.
Come to a mediation session prepared to negotiate rather than argue. Arguing can be counterproductive to the forward-looking process of mediation. The key to an effective mediation session is both spouses figuring out their range of acceptable terms and priorities. After establishing your specific concerns either verbally or through writing, you can work with the mediator to accomplish your goals. Consider decisions regarding the future needs and care of your children, such as child custody and co-parenting.
Although divorce can be a stressful process, keeping emotions under control will be beneficial to mediation. Remember to stay flexible during the mediation process. You may be surprised by how often what you thought you wanted early on changes over time.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Going through a divorce can be an experience full of torment, trials, and tribulations. How do you get through a period in your life when you are ending a relationship that you started to last the distance? The emotional, mental and psychological ramifications of going through a divorce can be huge.
Can you avoid it? While you may not be able to avoid the emotional blow of quitting a relation meant to go the distance, you may be able to avoid the stress, fights and bitterness of a court divorce by choosing divorce mediation.
Here are a few secrets to being successful in divorce mediation:
Be Aware of Your Wants Beforehand
This may sound pretty plain and simple. I mean who would go into divorce mediation without knowing exactly what they want, yet this is more often than not the case. When you go into divorce mediation, the first thing to do is to make sure you know exactly what you want to leave the mediation table with. Once you aware of that, you can be more direct in your negotiations.
Create Room for Bargaining
Divorce mediation is at the end of the day nothing but a simple negotiation. When you are the negotiation table with both of the spouse’s futures at stake, negotiating your way is the key to success. Negotiations are run on bargains and compromises, make sure you have your focus on something that you want and you play the other stakes in the Orange County divorce mediation around.
Check Your Style
Know yourself in and out, are you someone that can easily be riled up or bullied? Are you passive or are you aggressive? Sometimes the opposing spouse may want to put you off your game by making provocative offers that can make you angry. Remember mediation is all about patience and cooperation. Keep your anger under check and make sure you continue to be reasonable throughout with the discussion.
Put the Child Before You
As spouses each of the spouse may want their future secured the best through the mediation resolution, yet the key to success is letting the needs of the child involved take precedence. If going through a divorce is hard for you, you should think what would you child be going through? When you are mediating with the other spouse and looking to get a resolution, make sure you decide things that go in the child’s benefit first. For example, you should first and foremost decide on the custody arrangements and the visitation schedules for the children.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The world is full of couples that life happily ever after they have tied the knot and then there are some that are unable to live their lives as each other’s partners and instead end up getting a divorce. Couples part their ways as a result of unbearable marital issues.
What is all the more surprising with this assertion though is that most people are caught off guards when the other spouse breaks the news of a divorce to them. Every marriage that is on the troubled path starts to show some signs before it culminates in a divorce, yet most people are unable to spot these signs and mend their ways.
Here are a few signs that highlight that you marriage is headed for a divorce:
Hostility
Often when things aren’t going well between the couple their emotions and their perceptions about each other can come to fore in the form of verbal fights, bickering and arguments on the most minute of things. While it is true that even healthy relationship spouses do end up fighting more than once, constant criticism and bickering is a sign that neither of you is happy with the other’s presence.
Lack of Time Together
A relationship is made of two people, both of whom at the start of the relation on their marriage day promise to live life together. One of the first signs of trouble in your marriage is when both the spouses stop spending time together. Couples can think of the other as a normal fixture in the day with each loosing importance to the other. This most marriages counselors agree is the first step to an Orange County divorce.
Eerie Silence
As time passes and constant bickering and fights and underlying feelings of hate increase, couples can start to grow apart from one another and each find solace in the comfort of silence. They can both gradually eliminate the other from their own private worlds, tip toeing their way to a divorce in the process.
End of Intimacy
Relationships and love thrives on physical relations, physical contacts. Love making, intimate relations are the key to building a healthy relation and it’s strongly embedded in its roots. A decline in physical intimacy is often a result of and can result in a decline in emotional intimacy. Emotional and physical intimacies are linked to one another. Decline in both can result in divorce.
Finding Solace in Others
When spouses stop being intimate with one another, they will often start looking for newer avenues of solace and comfort in others. This solace can be emotional and even physical in nature which can often result in greater pain and almost an end to a marriage.
A relationship needs to be saved as much as one can, but if you think your marriage is on the rocks, it is better to end it using a peaceful, Orange County divorce mediation that would allow cooperation and consultation between the spouses.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
As hard as the word divorce may sound for you, try and imagine the ramifications of the word on your children. Going through a divorce is no easy task. Ending a relation started to last a lifetime can leave its marks, but none of them can be more brutal than the ones left on children if a broken marriage.
To protect your children, you need to be their super parent. The role of a super parent is hard to achieve, you have to work hard to make sure that the lives of your children are not affected as a result of your divorce. Before you can become a super parent though, you need to realize for your children to have a healthy, stress free life they’ll need both their parents not just one.
Once that is clear to you, here are 4 tips you can use to become a super parent to your children.
Choose A Healthier Divorce
A child that has been born and brought up all their lives with two parents will never be able to stay fully happy with just one. While a divorce could mean you don’t live with your spouse anymore, a healthy divorce choice can make sure they get love and care from both their parents alternatively. To make sure you kids are kept away from the hate and that you and your spouse are on cordial, acceptable and workable relationship, an Orange County divorce mediation is the best option to choose.
Be True But Not Too Open
Ultimately when the children see their parents no longer living together they will suspect something and may ask you what is going on. Specialists in child study agree that parents need to be truthful with their children and should tell them in advance that they are going to separate. Yet, it is important that neither of the parents lets go of too much. The reasons for the divorce may not be opportune for them to hear and they should be withheld from them until they are able enough to understand.
Don’t Criticize or Argue with Your Ex-spouse in the Presence of Your Child
While a true hero maybe someone who kicks the bad guys from one place to another, at home they like to keep a peaceful harmony filled environment. To be a true superhero parent you need to make sure that in front of your children you put a unite front with your ex spouse to show your children all is well and not lost between their parents.
Support Your Child’s Relationship with The Other Parent
You may be the best parent to your child but if you are a mother you cannot be a father to your child and you are a father you cannot be a mother. Children are never satisfied with love of one of the parent, they crave affection from both. If you want to be a superhero parent, even after you have gone through a divorce, make sure you encourage and support the relation your child builds with their other parent.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Going through a divorce can be hard enough. There is loads of emotional torment, turbulence and hate. This is especially true if you go to a divorce litigation where both the spouses and their lawyers battle it out to make sure both of them leave with tarnished reputation and a sense of bitterness.
This though can be avoided. A divorce doesn’t always need to be about fights and problems. If you choose the correct divorce mediator, it can be a cooperative procedure where both spouses end up doing what’s best for the kids and their respective futures.
Yet, with a number of California divorce mediators, including Orange County divorce mediators, around, how do you find the correct one? Here are a few rules of the thumb to help you choose.
They Look to Make the Process Easy for You
One of the reasons mediation is gaining popularity over litigation is the ease of process and the affordability factor that it has. The easiest way to identify a good mediator is to check their prices and how they lay down the divorce process to you. A mediator that charges a flat fee for all services and assures the ease of the process to you is one you should look to hire.
An Expert Dedicated to Mediation
In your search for the best divorce mediator for you, you will come across a number of lawyers who are primarily divorce lawyers but have as a second option chosen to be mediators as well but have no training in mediation or, in particular, divorce mediation. A good choice would be someone who has the legal background in divorce and family law, but is also trained in the art of conflict resolution and management, an art supposedly alien to lawyers.
A Good Problem Solver
Mediation is all about solving problems and helping the spouses come to a conclusion in between themselves. Hence a good divorce mediator will be someone who is well versed in solving complex, problematic situations. This will be clear in your first consultative meeting with them.
They Must Be Compassionate
Mediation unlike litigation is not about winning or losing. It is about making sure that your future and that of your family and your child is protected. A good Orange County divorce mediator will usually be compassionate about their work. They will invest their emotions in the process to make sure a good result in reached for all parties.
They Will Never Be a Catalyst for a Conflict
As mentioned above, divorce mediation is the name given to the process of conflict management. The job of a mediator in mediation is to ensure that the spouses continue to discuss their mutual issues of conflict in a harmonized environment with little or no conflict. A mediator that breeds or is cause for a conflict can be a disastrous choice.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Over the years Orange County divorce mediation has become a viable alternative to a litigated divorce. This is because couples are increasingly looking to avoid the hassles of a court-led divorce to one that is easy, simple and can be concluded in a shorter time to traditional divorce. Yet very few people know very much about it, apart from the usual.
Orange County divorce mediation is not all that you think it is, this blog looks to bring to light things about mediation that you didn’t know.
Mediation is a process that needs to be carried out by people who are reasonable but can’t resolve their differences between themselves.
There are a number of people who have decide their settlements between themselves and are still waiting for an Orange county divorce mediation to stamp a formal authority over it. While this process can be entertained in mediation. Primarily meditation looks to resolve disputes and bring couples to a settlement.
Orange County divorce mediation is a process that provides and out of court resolution sensibly with little legal system involvement
When couples discuss their issues in a settlement hearing, the environment is tense and the lawyers fro, both sides bearing on one another. Negotiation and conflict resolution in such a case is not an option. Mediation on the other hand is a more structured process, which creates better environment for conversations between the two spouses. The atmosphere in mediation is kept non confrontational to make sure that the couples are able to exchange solutions and resolution instead of insults and barbs.
Mediation uses a neutral third party to administer the process known as the mediator
Orange County divorce mediation is carried out by a professional mediator. Having said that, they are not arbitrators, judges or referees hence their work is not to in any way to make decisions. They are only tasked with maintain a positive atmosphere and guide the parties through the procedure and structures to be followed.
The success of mediation rests on the willingness and reasonableness of the individual
Once you have gone through a breakup and are heading for an Orange County divorce, emotions tend to run very high. These emotions can often for the first few stages hinder the reasonableness of the spouses involved. Also in most cases of an Orange County divorce, one of the spouses is looking for divorce while the other spouse does not want it.
As previously mentioned mediation is a process that depends on the spouses for success. The willingness and reasonableness of the spouses determine the outcome of an Orange County divorce mediation process. If both of the spouses are motivated to finding a low cost, simple and fats paced solution to their issues a mediation process is likely to go one smoothly and prove a success.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
With the decision of going to Orange County mediation instead of litigation taken, you deserve all the praise for choosing a method of divorce that will keep you family and your kids most importantly away from the bitterness of court divorces.
So before the first day of the Orange County divorce mediation process, here is an 8 step plan for you to follow to prepare for your first mediation session.
Step#1: Arrive with complete financial documents
There are two primary things of dispute in any Orange county divorce. The kids and the assets, while the kids are out in the open and confirmed, mediation session will want a complete disclosure of assets from you and your spouse before the process begins. Here is a list all the financial information you need to have with you when you go for mediation.
- Banks accounts
- Vehicles
- Real Estate
- Businesses
- All retirement funds and other bank accounts
Step#2: Keep a lid on your emotions
Orange County divorce mediation is a process run on reasonableness. While heated emotions and outbursts may be understandable for someone going through a divorce, it is certainly not helpful in any which way in mediation.
Step#3: Negotiate, don’t argue
The past is the reason you are going into Orange County divorce mediation, but you need to understand that what has happened cannot be changed. It is best that you forget the past, and negotiate on what is best for your future instead of bickering about yesteryear.
Step#4: You can talk to the mediator alone
This is an important thing to keep in mind as you go for Orange County divorce mediation. Any concerns that you have can and will be addressed by the mediator. All you need to do if you think you have an issue is to ask for a separate meeting with the mediator to express your concerns.
Step#5: Don’t take a litigation-happy attorney to mediation
Mediation is all about compromising and working with the other spouse to get the best for both the parties involved and the kids. If you take a litigation happy with you to mediation they will make sure your discussions and settlements are sabotaged.
Step#6: Keep a budget in mind
Irrespective of whether you are the dependent financial spouse or the independent financial spouse, both have to budget before they go into mediation. Finding out how much you want or how much you can pay will help you negotiate better.
Step#7: Know your rights
There is no point in going to mediation if you have no idea of the rights and obligations you enjoy. Before you go into an Orange county divorce mediation look to read articles, etc. that highlight the rights and obligations you have.
Step#8: Choose the best mediation service for you
A mediation service and mediators are important to your dispute resolution. Do your homework and go with the mediator you feel will be the best for you.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Taking “divorce selfies” is becoming increasingly popular among divorcing couples. The trend signals a shift to more amicable splits for the sake of the children involved and encourages a healthy approach to what can be a stressful, emotional process.
Canadian couple Shannon and Chris Neuman filed for divorce at a Calgary, Alberta, courthouse on 8/27/2015. They took a selfie together afterwards and posted it on social media to commemorate the end to their 11-year marriage. The photo has been shared more than 36,000 times on Facebook since then.
Although the couple has been lauded for setting a positive example for co-parents, they have also been criticized for seemingly celebrating their divorce. In the accompanying caption, Shannon Neuman explained that she and her ex-husband were smiling in the photo because they knew they were doing “something extraordinary” for their two children. She wrote, “We have respectfully, thoughtfully and honorably ended our marriage in a way that will allow us to go forward as parenting partners for our children … so they will never have to choose.”
Now that the photo has gone viral, Shannon Neuman hopes the couple’s co-parenting strategy inspires others. She has encouraged other divorcing spouses to focus on their love for their kids rather than negative emotions regarding their ex-partner.
By using a lighthearted way to announce what is often a heartbreaking situation, this couple is showing that divorce does not have to be ugly and acrimonious. They have chosen to treat each other with respect and embrace the fact that they can move forward with the next chapter of their lives, putting the well-being of their kids at the forefront of every decision they make.
Moreover, the decision to co-parent is just the first step. Achieving an effective co-parenting method is not an easy process. Each parent has to consistently work together to overcome challenges and put their personal differences aside. That way, kids do not feel torn or compelled to choose a side.
For more information about this topic, see the following:
- http://abcnews.go.com/Lifestyle/divorcing-couples-snap-happy-selfies-announce-break-ups/story?id=33483075
- http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/this-couple-just-took-one-hell-of-a-divorce-selfie_55e61b19e4b0b7a9633ab82d
- https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/couples-viral-divorceselfie-shows-us-how-to-128117027862.html
- https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2015/09/03/on-the-viral-rise-of-divorce-selfies-and-the-death-of-traditional-marriage/
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
There are a large number of people who shy away from participating in divorce mediation simply because they are concerned about their ability to negotiate for themselves in the process. This is one of the main reasons why people that have an opposing spouse who is well versed in law and confident on finances shy away from mediation.
On the other hand though, they are aware that a better outcome to their divorce is available they agree in a a divorce mediation as opposed to fighting a case in litigation. For such people the value of communication in mediation is beyond belief. Here are a few tips to help people communicate effectively in mediation.
Take the Mediator’s help
A divorce mediator in Orange County or elsewhere has an important role to play in a mediated divorce. While the decision and the discussions are done between the spouses, the role of a mediator is to channel their discussion into something constructive. If a spouse has issues with their communication abilities they have go up to the mediators and tell them their fears.
A mediator will typically tell the spouses that a mediation is not a litigation case, you don’t need to be very good a communicator, you only need to get the core of your message across to the other party. Once you do that, the decision is to be taken by the two spouses in combination and hence unless the weak communicating spouse is not happy with the solution, all they need to say is a “NO”.
Rise Above the Fear and the Worry
Going through a divorce is a stressful time nonetheless and in between such stress, one of the spouse may go overboard with his to her comments. The key for you is to not react and stand on your stance steadfast. The trick to communication is looking beyond the threats of the other spouse and looking at the fear behind their statements. Unless you are very good at communication, retorting back to such comments will lead the argument nowhere.
Get Strategic
When you are communicating you need to be strategic with your communications, looking to achieve some goals each time you speak.
- Determine ways that you can use to get your point clearly across to the other person.
- Be clear on what reaction you want out of the other person having said a certain word or a phrase.
- The key to negotiation is give and take, identify what he wants the most and exchange it for what you want the most.
- If you don’t like the offer reply back with an uncompromising No.
- If the opposing party responds with a No, give them a little time to let your offer set in and then ask them again.
Communication is an important part of Orange County divorce mediation, but the most important part is your viewpoint. As long as you are clear on that you will be able to protect your interests in mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce is not something any couple looks forward to when they tie the knot. When two people decide to enter wedlock, they are aiming for a happy, prosperous family life. Unfortunately not everyone gets to live that dream. There are many reasons that couples decide to part ways, some of them stronger than others. What is clear about a divorce though is that, it’s never a happy experience for the spouses.
For couples that are looking to avoid the public glare, the bitterness and feud mentality of litigation proceedings, Orange County divorce mediation seems the best bet. Yet even with this process the real challenge is finding the correct time to build a bridge over the distance, disillusionment and hurt to help both spouses reach each other for a solution. Divorce is almost always a major loss, resulting in the spouses undergoing various stages of conflict and grief.
What is the Best Time for Divorce Mediation?
In reality there is no best time for divorce mediation. Divorce is not a word that can associated with a positive unless in situations where one of the spouses has been subjected to abuse. An Orange County divorce will always pain the two spouses, derive that sense of hurt and failure in them and so there is no best time for divorce. Yes, there might be an optimum time for spouses to bring up mediation, where both of them can make the most of the process and reach a low conflict solution.
For couples that are still functioning with one another for example, the question of a best time will never really come up. If you and your spouse have decided to mutually part ways, and continue to remain friends, you can undergo and Orange County divorce mediation anytime you want.
For couples who come to Orange County Divorce mediation to escape the hurt of court proceedings, optimum times for may vary. In such cases usually one of the spouses is looking for divorce while the other is reluctantly accepting it. These kinds of spouses are ones that will likely experience the most hurt and pain of the relationship ending. For such spouses, the optimum time to go through an Orange County divorce mediation is when the spouses have started to accept the notion of having to part ways.
Once they start to accept that partying of ways is now more than a thought, they will be able to reform their emotions and rally their mind to an acceptance. In such a case, the spouses will mellow down their emotions and be willing to negotiate and have an amicable solution. This is when Orange County divorce mediation will work best for them.
Orange County divorce mediation is a process that involves cordiality between the two spouses. It can only be worthwhile at a time when both of the spouses have accepted the fate of the relation and as a result are looking for less hurting solution.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner, who made headlines after announcing the end to their 10-year marriage this past summer, have chosen to take the mediation approach to their divorce.
Media reports have described the divorce as “not contentious,” with the Hollywood actor couple choosing to settle their divorce amicably out of court for the sake of their three children — Violet, 9, Seraphina, 6, and Samuel, 3. They are working with a mediator to resolve financial, property and custody issues and expedite the divorce process. Affleck, 42, and Garner, 43, will share joint custody of their children and intend to co-parent as equals.
In a joint official statement, the couple said, “We go forward with love and friendship for one another and a commitment to co-parenting our children whose privacy we ask to be respected during this difficult time.” According to media reports, Affleck and Garner plan to continue living together on the family’s property in Brentwood, California, but in separate houses in order to effectively co-parent and focus on consistency for their children.
The decision to seek mediation is unusual as many divorcing celebrity couples tend to become involved in drawn-out court battles that often turn ugly. Mediation takes the drama out of divorce and keep things efficient for the sake of the family. Adopting smart co-parenting strategies can ease the burden of divorce on children. Contentious divorces place the focus on seeking revenge, while amicable divorces involve setting egos aside and making children the top priority. Couples who manage to take a sensitive, selfless approach will ease the stressful nature of divorce on children, especially young ones.
Besides parenting issues, the couple also faces the task of dividing their assets. They are estimated to have combined wealth upwards of $115 million. The media has speculated that Affleck and Garner purposely announced their split one day after their tenth anniversary due to California’s spousal support laws. In California, a marriage that crosses the 10-year mark is considered long term, which affects the amount and length of spousal support. However, many of the state’s courts do not prefer to award lifetime spousal support if they feel that the lesser-earning spouse is able to support themselves. If the divorce involves a prenuptial agreement or decisions made during mediation, the judge may not even have to rule about spousal support.
For more information, see the following:
- http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/ben-affleck-jen-garner-split-all-the-details-behind-their-divorce-2015306
- http://www.people.com/article/ben-affleck-jennifer-garner-divorce-at-stake
- http://www.eonline.com/news/672260/jennifer-garner-and-ben-affleck-divorce-details-emerge-they-didn-t-want-the-same-things-source-says
- http://www.bostonherald.com/inside_track/the_inside_track/2015/06/it_s_a_wrap_ben_affleck_and_jennifer_garner_end_decade_long
- https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/jennifer-garner-and-ben-afflecks-ambitious-122961544307.html
- http://www.eonline.com/news/674574/ben-affleck-living-in-jennifer-garner-s-guest-house-in-atlanta-get-details-on-their-lives-after-divorce
- http://fortune.com/2015/07/04/affleck-garner-divorce-prenups/
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce is not well received by children. The last thing that any child would want is for their parents to call it quits with their relation and leave the family broken. This is compounded even further when they decide to go for Orange County divorce litigation. Litigation involves both spouses fighting each other in court to get every inch of the divorce booty for themselves. This can have the gravest impact on children of the broken couple. Hence it is best that you keep litigation as the last resort.
A host of families that are breaking up have no complex issues to discuss and are usually straight forward cases of spousal incompatibility and asset division. Such cases should never end up in the Orange County family law court. Spouses should look to get their divorce alternative solutions to litigation that can save their children from the hate and bitterness of court proceedings.
What can it lead to in kids?
There can be a variety of things that can happen to a kid that goes though Orange County divorce mediation. It can lead to:
- Personality changes
- Gradual withdrawal from society and friends
- Psychological issues such as depression etc.
- Grades dropping
Over the long term, children from broken families that have gone through divorce litigation seem to be susceptible to failing relationship and divorces themselves.
A positive influence on kids
Orange County divorce mediation is process that stand in start opposition to litigation. Mediation allows the spouses to settle their disputes in an environment of harmony and cooperation. It is all about making sure that the two spouses sit down and converse and deliberate the issues at hand for them and end up reaching a logical, long lasting, acceptable solution.
For children that go through an Orange County divorce mediation, it is likely to have a positive impact on their lives. Since mediation is all about cooperation, seeing their parents go through mediation, would help the children avoid unneeded psychological and emotional damage.
Mediation is all about working with each other to produce a result that is mutually acceptable and beneficial for both spouses. This helps the parents keep cordial relations with one another and to keep on friendly if not amicable terms with each other. This will have positive impact on the children since they would be able to understand that while their parents are separating because its best for both of them. Neither hates the other and both will always be there united for the love, care and sake of their children.
Going through Orange County divorce mediation is a better bet to keep your children from getting affected by divorce. You should remember that children are your most valuable assets and you need to make sure that they are safe physically and emotionally from hurt and torment. Mediation helps them escape the torment.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The use of evidence from smartphones and other wireless gadgets during divorce proceedings has increased over the past three years, according to 97 percent of the lawyers surveyed by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
Among the types of evidence gathered, 46 percent consisted of text messages, while 30 percent were emails and 12 percent were call logs and phone numbers. App data, Facebook posts, Twitter feeds and more were also used.
The survey cited popular social media sites Facebook, Twitter and Instagram as being the top three used for divorce evidence by 41 percent, 17 percent and 16 percent of the surveyed attorneys respectively.
Social media can have a significant impact on divorce cases by opening up divorcing partners to scrutiny in court. In litigated divorces, opposing attorneys may dig up incriminating information from social media pages for one spouse to use against the other as evidence to prove anything from concealed assets to the breach of a prenuptial agreement.
For example, a parent “tweeting” about a night out could be perceived as being irresponsible towards their child, or a spouse sharing Instagram photos of a vacation could raise questions about their income.
So the bottom line is that you should monitor your behavior on social media. Ask yourself, if I post this, will it come back to haunt me later? If you are going through a divorce, err on the side of caution and refrain from using social networks until after the divorce. Otherwise, your online activities could come back to be a problem for you.
When it comes to divorce, an advantage of divorce mediation is privacy. Neither party is compelled to look through each other’s social media activity to find something incriminating to use. The divorcing partners can instead focus on looking forward and coming to an agreement regarding their futures, rather than reliving the past.
For more information, see:
- http://aaml.org/about-the-academy/press/press-releases/divorce/huge-increase-texts-and-app-evidence-divorces-say-nat
- http://www.chicagotribune.com/business/breaking/ct-divorce-apps-spying-0610-biz-20150609-story.html
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Ideally, couples that are going through divorce need to agree on everything, thus avoiding court and ensuring the best interest of the child is maintained. Yet an ideal situation is hard to find. You need to make the most of the current situation and get the best divorce solution despite not being on the best of terms. For this all you need to do is identify the primary reason that the two of you are getting divorced. Once you have identified the reason, you need to find a neutral, objective Orange County divorce mediator who can help facilitate the two of you as you look to fix your divorce case to logical conclusion.
There are a large number of skeptics that can get depressed at the failure of their marriage and leave their divorce to turn out just like their marriage. In reality, through irrespective of the state of your marriage you can have an amicable divorce resolution. You can fix the divorce process by choosing divorce mediation over traditional litigation.
Here is a lowdown on some powerful tools that Orange County divorce mediation give you:
1. Mediation gives you the power to settle or not
Divorce couples often forget that when they go to a family law court for the solution of their divorce they are voluntarily giving up their right of decision making to the judge. The judge and your layer will have the power to decide and fight a case that is going to determine your future. A lawyer or a judge will have a number of cases in a day and will not know you or the state that you are in. They will look at the facts and fight a case based only on that.
2. You are under control of the costs
Divorce in a court can be expensive to say the least. So unless you have a considerable amount to win from the division of assets, it is best that you go for mediation. Orange County divorce mediation allows you to control the costs of the process by talking the case along at your own pace and not having to pay the fees of lawyers etc. per hour. In mediation there is only a set amount that both of the spouses can spend, unlike litigation where your spending is heavily dependent on the amount your spouse spends.
3. You get to learn law and negotiation
Mediation is a process that is carried out in the presence of three people only. You, your spouse and the Orange County divorce mediator of your choice. The mediators will along the process explain to you the legal obligations and rules that are best followed allowing you to get a better understanding of them. The hands-on approach in mediation makes sure the spouses negotiate with one another and end up getting the best solution for everyone.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
In a recent high-profile divorce, former “Baywatch” actress Pamela Anderson received $1 million in her settlement with poker player Rick Salomon.
The ex-couple, who had announced their marriage in January 2014, released a joint statement. “Public divorces can be harsh and cruel — we apologize to our families and friends for any hurt and embarrassment we have caused — we have come to an amicable agreement and are moving on,” they said.
Celebrity splits, including this one, tend to be prolonged litigated battles in which money matters take center stage. Divorce calls for skillful navigation through financial challenges as they emerge, often coupled with complicated tax rules.
Prior to reaching the settlement, Anderson had alleged that Salomon was a California resident who was evading taxes on his poker winnings of $40 million through his residency in Nevada, which does not have state taxes. She has now agreed not to challenge his residency.
Communication is essential when addressing finances, and mediation allows this to take place. Each spouse needs to consider their future taxes when dividing property. To avoid tax disputes and audits, divorcing couples should to come to an agreement about child support, alimony or property settlement.
In divorce, getting high basis property is better than low basis properly as splitting assets with a combination of both high and low bases allows each spouse to equalize their respective tax burdens in the future.
The IRS Publication 504 states that there is no limit on the amount of money or property that can be transferred tax-free between a divorcing couple. A property settlement is not tax deductible, while spousal support is tax deductible to the payer and taxable income to the recipient.
However, the situation is different with child support as it cannot be claimed as a tax deduction by the payer. Both spouses should consider their tax obligations thoroughly, which is why divorce mediation is a good option for divorcing couples because it allows them to determine what works best for them.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce mediation is not a process that is time barred or opens for a limited time only. As long as your divorce case hasn’t had its first formal trial, you and your spouse can opt for a mediated solution to your divorce. The important thing about mediation though is that it is voluntary and needs consent from both parties.
Divorce mediation will depend on the way your propose divorce and the timing of your proposal. This blog will talk about the best times to propose Orange County divorce mediation to your spouse. Divorce has many branches. There are many aspects to a divorce. There is a financial divorce, an emotional divorce, a parenting divorce and a social divorce. Each of these has their own specific timing which will play a part in your spouse assenting to or dissenting to your mediation proposal.
Factors that determine When to bring up Mediation
· Emotional
Whenever one of the spouses proposes the idea of divorce, the other spouse goes into an emotional divorce phase, where their first reaction is to go into a state of denial. Once this denial dilutes and reality starts to set in a spouse may experience feelings of anguish, angst, anger and sadness. This will not be the best time to propose mediation. Only once they come to terms with the idea, in a state of acceptance, should you propose mediation.
· Financial
When there couples are going through a relatively tight financial spot and are looking to make important financial decisions. This is the best time to suggest Orange County divorce mediation for resolution of major issues. When both of the spouses are not comfortable with their finances, the low cost of mediation will generally pull your spouse towards itself.
· Legal
As far as the legal aspect of divorce is concerned, you need to make sure the suggestion for divorce is made before the petition has been filled. You can use the reasoning of legal costs, maneuvering and lawyer expenses as reasons they should opt out of litigation and go for Orange County Mediation. Telling them how mediation will give them the authority to decide the issues for themselves instead of having to rely on a judge could help sway their decision.
· Social
Does your spouse have meddling friends that seem to have an opinion on everything? Social acceptance of divorce is the last stage of divorce before the actual divorce happens. Friends and family are often under the influence that litigation and opposed to mediation is a chance to get a larger portion of the assets. Before such friends harden the viewpoint of your spouse against Orange County divorce mediation, you need to speak to your spouse about it.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
A divorce can be a test of emotions and depth of person. To get divorced and end one’s long standing relation can be a tough task even for the most emotionally sound spouses. The misery of going through a divorce can often be compounded by bitter feuds developing in court proceedings over it.
This is why a large number of people are turning to Orange County divorce mediation. Mediation is a different process to court led divorce and can give spouses more freedom to exercise their will. While mediation is a good option for divorcing parties, there are some factors to consider before deciding on its appropriateness for you.
To help you decide if you are tailor-made for Orange County divorce mediation or not, here is the list of a few questions that you need to ask yourself. This test can be used by either of the spouse and needs no additional members. Make sure that the answers to the question are genuine and under no stress or pressure whatsoever. If that is the case, the validity of the test might be affected.
Questions to Test Readiness for Mediation
- Are you ready to get divorced?
- Are you not willing to reconcile or talk things out once again with your fellow spouse?
- Do you oppose going to court and instead are willing to go to an Orange County mediator to sort your divorce issues out?
- Are looking to have reasonable, amicable, and courteous relations with your spouse?
- Do you think retribution, hatred, and blame games need to be ended and a fair agreement reached between the two parties?
- Are you able to trust your spouse? Will you be able to agree to their version of events (not entirely though) and their declaration of assets etc?
- Can you stand up against your spouse for you own rights and not be intimidated by them?
- Can you disagree with your spouse without having to react remorsefully in the latter half of your life?
- Do you think your spouse has the same level of respect and admiration for you like you have for them?
- Do you expect your spouse to be fair in their dealings?
- Are you sound mentally and physically?
- Are you able to communicate your needs and wants and your viewpoints clearly enough to the other party?
- Are you confident your relation did not have traces of physical abuse or violence?
- Are you confident your relation did not have traces of substance abuse or drug abuse?
- Can you trust the parenting skills of your spouse?
- Do you love your children and would like to keep them away from the infighting between their parents?
If the answers to all of the questions are a yes, you are a good candidate for Orange County divorce mediation. The last 5 questions are important, any no with regards to lack of trust, physical or drug abuse can make the mediation process a waste of time.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce itself can be a challenging process. It can leave you emotionally and physically drained. This misery can be compounded to a whole new level when you undergo a divorce with a high conflict personality spouse.
High conflict personalities can be extremely challenging to deal with when it comes to divorce in general and Orange County divorce mediation in particular. This piece is covered in two blogs with some tips covered in this blog, while the other covered in an upcoming blog.
Before highlighting a few tips to help you deal with high conflict personalities through your Orange County divorce mediation. We need to take a look at the characteristics that define a High conflict spouse.
Characteristics of High Conflict Personality Spouses
The four primary characteristics they have are:
- An approach to have everything for want nothing
- Stick religiously to blaming others for any and every fault in their life.
- Inappropriate and at times extreme behavior that is often unexplainable.
- Lack of emotional management, which leads to exaggerated, unmanaged emotions.
Other characteristics of such personalities can be:
- Being self centered
- Lack of foresight between their actions and its repercussions
- Manipulation of situation to fit into their own version of events
- Cognitive distortions
- A tendency to get into interpersonal conflicts
- Being Unreasonable
- Like to view themselves as victims in any conflict
- Have a troubled past
- Can make minor problems into major ones at will
Tips to Mediate with Such Personalities
Once the characteristics of the high conflict personality are clear, let’s take a look at a few trips to deal with such spouses in Orange County mediation.
- At the start of the mediation process, be clear and confident about the fact that the other spouse is not in charge.
- In mediation you are usually required to make opening statements. Instead of this, give the high conflict personality spouse the chance to speak about what they are willing to achieve from this process. What do they think is the best proposal for both the spouses?
- Don’t expect your spouse to identify your interest and needs. HCP spouses are bad at thinking out of the box and are too self-centered to care about you. You need to be clear with each of your want and need from the outset, showing your tenacity to get what you want.
- High conflict spouses usually go into any form of discussion with simply one solution in mind. The best way to deal with that is to present their solution as a proposal and highlight how this proposal is what will ultimately lead to a solution.
- Orange County divorce mediation is all about courteousness and respect. You need to treat your spouse with respect, give them respect, and understand their viewpoints. Show them you are willing to listen to their points.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
A common theory that has been doing the rounds for many years is that the American justice system is made for the wealthy. This despite not being entirely true does have some elements of truth about it. The American judicial system in unique and for couples going through a divorce it can be complex to navigate.
The laws are complex and hence spouses are dependent on divorce lawyers to win them their case. The question of how the courts have been helping the middle class spouse with low incomes in their divorce cases is a pertinent one that has no real answers. The state budget cuts in California, for example, have meant their ability is far more limited with too many cases and not enough judicial officers.
The Affordable Divorce Solution
For spouses that are middle to low income and make up the growing American middle class, Orange County divorce mediation is a cheap and affordable alternative to courts. Mediation allows you to cut across the complexities of a family court, their case laws and statutes.
The use of mediation makes sense has far as middle class families are concerned. It will allow the spouses to be able to debate and dissect each and every issue they would have talked about in court. There is a misconception that mediation calls for people to lay down their rights as they walk into the mediation office. This is a misconception and in reality it is quite the opposite. Once you decide to pursue divorce mediation you will be able to exercise authority in terms of proceeding speed, pace and schedule of the mediation.
An Example of How Mediation can Work for Middle Class Couples
In this example both of the spouses are working and have two children. The annual earnings of the household amount to $80,000. Out of this the husband’s share is $50,000 and the wife’s share is $30000. They jointly own a house, the house has very little equity but neither of the spouses is particularly attached to it. In addition to this, both own a car each and have 401(K) that totals $50,000 and $8000.
If these spouses hired layers to litigate their case in courts, they could potentially have to pay their lawyers somewhere in the region of $20,000-$30,000+. Does that make sense? Not really. These expenses at the end of the day would probably leave both of the couples in debt.
If they were to go for Orange County divorce mediation instead, the total average cost would be $3,000-$5,000 depending on the complexity of the issues for the mediation proceedings and as soon as the couples reach an agreement between themselves the mediation would be over.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
A common phrase used by couples going through a divorce is to get “justice and what they are legally entitled to.” Often times, couples, wives and husbands who have had bitterness in the ending of the marriage look at the courts as their only savior. These couples look at Orange County divorce mediation as a compromise.
What most of these couples are unable to realize is that justice in a case can only be reached through detailed examination of the facts of the case and the application of the law that applies to it. Do you think the judges in a court case have that kind of time? Here is a lowdown of the reality of the family law court system.
· Thousands Of Cases
Typically a family law judge will have hundreds or thousands of cases assigned to them. Typically per day he or she is likely to hear around 15 to 20 cases. A court morning starts at 8:30am and has a break for lunch from 12pm-at 1:30pm. Once the break is over, the court’s day ends at around 4 30pm. All this adds up to around 6 1/2 hours of court time per day, which the court’s attention having to be divided by up to 20 cases during that time.
· No Prior Homework
Some judges will not have read your case file until the day before your case starts or right in the morning of the day your case begins. Detailed reading of the case requires time with motions, exhibits and moving papers, each taking considerable time. Consider the time he or she has per case, now do you think they can be fully knowledgeable about the detailed circumstances of your situation?
· Finish It In The Set Time Or Else
Depending on your luck, you may get a full day’s hearing in front of the judge. Yet you need to make sure that your lawyer is able to close the case in the time they estimated to the court at the start of the case. If you exceed the time limit set of the case, the judge may order a mistrial or have to schedule a new court date that could delay your case for a few months.
How Divorce Mediation Compares
- You and your spouse dictate the pace of the Mediation process
- There is no limit of time you can spend in your Orange County divorce mediation. Your mediation can either be one session or multiple sessions, whatever the parties wish.
- The ample time and use of personal mediators means you are never pressed for time and the mediator makes it a duty to be well-versed in your case and know the situation in and out.
- Unlike the courts, you and your spouse are the decision authority. You can choose to end the process by agreeing on a solution between you and your spouse.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Orange County divorce mediation can be termed as being the pinnacle of the divorce process. This is because it can be said to hold the key to how life after divorce will look like. If you are not careful in your divorce mediation decisions, you might as well end up having a long, drawn out mediation process.
Here are few tips on things you should avoid in mediation.
1. Rushing The Mediation Process
Couples tend to choose for an early mediation process to try and save the cost of the time that will be wasted in the resolution. This however, can be a mistake if rushed. In order for mediation to work, both of the spouses need to be clear and precise about their needs out of the divorce and what they want the mediation to do for them. Rushing the mediation can take up much more time since a large amount of time will later be consumed in catching up with the forgotten details.
2. Availing The Services Of The Wrong Mediator
The job of the Orange County mediator is particularly important in mediation. Hence, when you are looking to get yourself into divorce mediation, make sure you check the mediator before enrolling yourself. A mediator that is too stubborn, forceful, or heavy handed in their approach can ruin the negotiations between the spouses. When you are choosing a mediator, it is integral that you choose someone who is professional and can be trusted.
3. Lack Of Communication With The Mediator
The best way to go about mediation is to make sure that you have opened up about your side of the story completely to the mediator. Withholding information and refusing to outline important facts is a hindrance in your communication with the mediator. If the mediator at the time of resolution has to make deductions, your mediation process is close to failing.
4. Unprofessional Behavior And Poor Briefs
Orange County divorce mediation is a process that is based around resolution and cooperation. The atmosphere in the mediation needs to remain professional and amicable. This can all be ruined with heated accusations, misspelled words, and a failure to stay on the topic at hand. All of these things ultimately lead to wastage of time and resources. The briefs that you present in front of the mediator and the other spouses should be well thought out, coherent, and to-the-point.
5. Not Understanding The Opposition
Orange County divorce mediation is not just one way traffic – it needs to involve cooperation between both of the spouses and their agreement on major issues to move forward. Hence, it is important that as you are part of the mediation process, you try and understand the other spouse’s view point and take that into account when making your next decision in mediation.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
What is it that you do when you are upset or things are going against you? You simply vent, most people vent out their emotions and anger when they feel let down or hurt. Orange County divorce on the other hand is where people get emotionally hurt and traumatized at the prospect of ending their relationship.
There are two ways of settling a divorce. One is through court proceedings while the other is through Orange County divorce mediation. Mediation is the more mellowed down way of solving a dispute. It is a process that involves both the spouses conversing with one another for solution of their divorce case.
Venting and Concerns in Mediation
People considering Orange County divorce mediation are often worried about the level of venting that may be permitted in mediation sessions. They are of the opinion that venting is upsetting and may prove unproductive to the whole process.
Venting simply put can be defined as giving an audible speech to a strong negative emotion. This emotion is usually understandable but can be offensive to the party it is aimed at, with the most common form of emotion vented out in mediation is anger.
Catharsis Theory
There is a theory about venting that has been doing the rounds which describes venting as a positive act. The Catharsis theory is of the opinion that expression of negative emotions in a safe way helps decrease emotional and mental stress. Unfortunately though, the research that has backed this theory up has highlighted the venting out anger doesn’t decrease the subsequent anger, if anything increases it even more.
In terms of mediation, it is the job of the Orange County divorce mediator to keep tabs on the levels of emotions on display during the process. The process is all about letting the two spouses settle their differences and disputes between the two of them mutually and reaching an acceptable settlement.
If you add an element of anger in these discussions, such that one of the spouses is allowed to vent their anger out on the other spouse, the spirit of the mediation will be affected. How are spouses supposed to have cordial, consultative relations when constant display of anger can damage the good will that the mediator is trying to build?
To Allow or Not to Allow Venting
Some Orange County divorce mediators are straightforward with their clients and outright tell them to keep a lid on their emotions at all time during the process. While this might seem like the best way to stop venting, it can prove disastrous to the whole process.
Mediation warrants both clients to be expressive. Forcing them to keep a lid on their emotions can ultimately lead to impairing their communications ability. A good Orange County mediator will let them express their emotions as long as it doesn’t occur too regularly or turn into a rant.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
While it is true that the reach of Orange County divorce mediation continues to increase with time, it is also true that some doubts and questions remain in the minds of the people regarding the process. Orange County divorce mediation is simply put a process where the two spouses are made to sit and talk their differences out and settle on a mutually acceptable decision. The whole process is carried out under the guidance of the Orange County divorce mediator who is tasked with simply channeling the discussion in a way that things don’t get out of hand.
Here is a low down on a few frequently asked mediation questions and the answers to these questions.
My Spouse Is High On Emotion, Can Mediation Aid In Such A Situation?
This is one of the most commonly asked questions by people who want to be a part of the mediation process. The answer to this question is a big yes.
Orange County mediators understand that when couples decide to divorce and part ways, there can be streams of emotions and bitterness. The job of the mediator in such cases is to work closely with both the spouses and make sure that they show them how setting aside their emotions will help them in the long run. They will highlight how making the right decision will need them to bank on their rationale instead of banking on your emotions and ending up making an error of judgment.
What Is The Expected Time An Orientation Process Will Take?
The Orientation process is basically the first session of mediation where the spouses will each try and present their positions in front of the mediator. They will try and make sure that they have outlined their positions before they can start to discuss a settlement with their spouses. Typically, an orientation process will last for around 3 to 4 hours.
However, it must be noted that the amount of time taken in the orientation process will depend on particular cases and there is no set time schedule for it.
Do I Have To Stay In The Same Room As My Spouse During Mediation?
The answer to that question is yes. Orange County divorce mediation is a process that rests wholly and solely on the cooperation between the spouses. Hence, it is integral that the two spouses are in the same room throughout the mediation to make the mediation process smoother. If you think neither you nor your spouse can sit in the same room together, mediation might just not be your cup of tea.
Can I And My Spouse Settle The Case At The Orientation?
The answer to that question is again a Yes. Orientation hearing is just like any other hearing in mediation, and if your divorce case is simple and both of the spouses are able to agree on the settlement, the mediation can be settled in the orientation stage as well.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
This blog is a continuation of the previous blog titled “Tips to Mediation with Conflict Personalities–Part 1”. This blog series highlights the tips that a spouse can take when going into Orange County divorce mediation with a high-conflict personality spouse.
Here is a continuation of the tips. It is best that you read the first blog before reading this one to have a better understanding of the topic.
- The problem with a high conflict spouse in a divorce is that they suffer from distortions and have a belief of being right always. This can take over and make them extremely persuasive, you need to stay well of any attempts of persuasion and maintain healthy skepticism.
- Sometimes Orange County divorce mediation can start to get out of hands with high conflict personalities raging on with their unruly behavior. Even in times like these maintain your confidence and calm.
- If you can, try and lower their levels of expectations. They might be looking to have everything from the Orange County divorce for themselves and gentle reminders here and there that this is not the case, will help them deal with the final agreement better.
- Make sure you don’t come out as offensive to your spouses, even though they might be livid and unruly. Continue to respect them despite their taunts or antics.
- Try to seek mutual agreements along the way with your HCP spouse, so that they have a feeling of being taken into confidence every step of the way.
- Request the mediator to control the show of open emotions by either of the party. For a high conflict personality managing their emotions is next to impossible, which means once they start to vent their emotions, there may be no stopping them. Ask the mediator cut their vents before they start to go on long. Orange County mediators should merely acknowledge their emotions before leaving them in the backdrop and moving ahead.
- If you are looking to make your point, try and not be directly offensive to your HCP spouses. In such cases, they would want to respond and retaliate creating a sticky situation.
Advice for Orange County divorce mediators on handling HCP personalities in mediation.
- Tell the HCP spouse to keep a calm head and not react on proposals offered by the other spouse. Simply tell them to respond to proposals using single words such as a yes, no or a let’s see. Instead of giving them the podium to bash the living daylight out of the proposal and the proposing spouse.
- Tell them that the process is on them, if they want to opt out they can but that their best realistic chance at a solution is through mediation.
- When the two spouses finally agree on a solution for their Orange County divorce, make sure the agreement has strong non compliance clauses. It is best if you ask the HCP spouse to propose these.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce is not something that goes down well with most people. Even spouses that have gone through an Orange County divorce mediation will have an underlying hurt and sense of disappointment as a result of their divorce. Increasingly though, couples have started to look for a more cordial way to end their relation. Orange County divorce mediation has subsequently gained popularity with the process designed to work as a result of the cooperation between the two spouses.
Yet, for divorce mediation to work, the most important thing is for the spouses that are taking part in it to remain calm and collected. Only when a spouse is calm, will they be able to cordially discuss the solutions to the problems with the other spouses.
If you are looking to make the most of your Orange County divorce mediation you need to stay away from being reactive, angry, emotionally charged and defensive. Often when the arguments start to fly in, spouses can sometimes get into a reactive mode. You need to get out of the reactive mode to be able to make progress in your mediation communications.
How can a Mediator Help?
When spouses tart to get emotionally charged and slide into their reactionary shells, it is the job of the Orange County divorce mediator to ensure the proceedings go along cordially. Here are a few tips they can achieve this without offending either one of the spouses.
· Stay Calm
You are the ring master; you are the person who is conducting this discussion. Hence you need to stay calm and composed irrespective of the state of emotions around you. By being collected, composed and calm, you can help the spouses mellow down and better react to one another.
· Be Attentive
Usually it takes a little attention and empathy to calm a ragging, reactive person down. When either of the spouses starts to get into their reactive mode, all you need to do is talk to them, make them feel as if you care and are listening to what they have to say. Once the spouses feel as if they are being heard they will calm down and start to react better to the Orange County divorce mediator’s attempts.
· Engage Them
The last thing you can do to spouses going through mediation is make them feel left out of the process as a result of their reactive antics. Make sure you engage the spouses, ask them for their proposals to solve the divorce issues. If they are having trouble doing it, ask them to list down the primary things they would want addressed in the solution. Every step of the way you need to continue to remind them that they key to the solution and no agreement can supersede them.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
To most people that have not had a divorce, Orange County divorce seems like one of the hardest most complex legal cases. They believe that the California courts and the Orange County divorce mediation services are enemies of one another, with neither of them accepting the other’s jurisdiction. This however is not the case. The family courts in California have programs that are designed to allow parents to mediate their custody issues to try and solve them out of court.
This is more common in cases of child custody where both parents are in disagreement as to the child custody arrangements. The judge will look to give them a chance at an amicable decision before making up their mind and deciding the case on his/her own. The court of law in California has a few guidelines that it expects divorcing parents to follow when they are looking to get divorced.
These can be things like making sure that the mutual respect between the two spouses is maintained, the spouses listen to each other before deciding on their line of action and most importantly to put the needs of the child above those of anyone else.
In a typical Orange County divorce mediation, the mediator might interview the child, if that would help the parents make up their minds in terms of agreeing on a single parenting plan. While the child will be questioned, it is strict guideline by the court that the approach of the interview must not be one that makes the child choose sides.
While the interviews of the child may be optional, then mediator is likely to interview both parents either simultaneously or one by one in private. According to the guidelines the choice of what type of interview is to be done rests on the spouses/parents. In cases of domestic violence or for couples that have a bitter history or restraining orders, a one by one interview in private works best.
Once the interviews are over the mediator will have a clear picture of the situation, he must then facilitate and encourage the two spouses to converse and sort out their differences amicably between themselves. According to the FSC guidelines the contents of the mediation are generally confidential in Orange County unless ordered otherwise by the court.
While this mediation can be called a type of mediation, it does not enjoy the same freedom as Orange County divorce mediation that is independent of the courts.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Irvine divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Orange County divorce mediation is fast becoming one of the leading ways for people to get divorced and end their relationships. The role of mediation has increased in recent years with more and more people looking for an empowered mediation process that is flexible and cheap in its workings.
One of the most important things to note in mediation is the role of the Orange County divorce mediator which is starkly in contrast to the role of the Judge in litigation cases. The job of a divorce mediator is to simply act as a bridge between the two warring spouses and make sure that they are able to reach an amicable resolution.
Here is an outline of the workings of the Orange County divorce mediator from the start of the mediation right up to its resolution.
- First and foremost, the mediator will sit down with both of the spouses and talk to them about their issues. The mediator will look to identify those issues that you and your spouse have the least dispute on. Once they have been identified, the mediator will make sure that the spouses work on that issue to solve it as soon as possible and get it out of the way.
- The second and most important part of the mediation stage is the custody and visitation issues. Children are the most valuable assets in a divorce and hence most spouses will have major disagreements at this point of time. The job of the mediator will be to outline a few of the best custody and visitation plans that they can come up with and also highlight to the spouse the differences between joint and sole custody.
- With the custody matters of the child now out of the way, the mediator will make sure that the couples focus and discuss the issue of child support and spousal support. At this point of time, it is upon the spouse to decide what amount of spousal and alimony support they agree on. The Orange County divorce mediator will simply highlight a few set formulas to determine these numbers if the spouses are finding it difficult to agree amongst them.
- After child custody and support payments have been agreed upon, the mediator will turn the attention of the spouses to matters of debts and assets. While the decision making authorities will continue to the spouses, the mediator will make sure that each spouse has made full disclosures and is aware of the differences between separate and community property.
- Once all the issues have been dealt with and agreed upon, the mediator will then draw up a settlement agreement that would contain all the points agreed upon by the spouses. This document once it has been drawn up will be signed by the two spouses to make it official.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
Divorce has become something of norm in the society today with people increasingly looking to end their relations irrespective of their long standing associations with one another. Increasingly, the entertainment industry which is popular for its off and on brewing romances is seeing established married couples heading for divorce.
The case of Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner has been one of the most popular ones in recent times. Yet there are other cases of celebrities turning to divorce mediation when things in their relationship started to reach a point of no return.
Something that all country music lovers will be aware of is that the wife of one of the leading country singers, Trace Adkins, has filled for divorced. She reportedly demanded a settlement amount that is worth close to $20 million. The huge amount that was demanded in the settlement was one reason, many observers started to believe that the couple would be embroiled in a bitter legal case. Yet, in a matter of months, the lawyer of the performer announced that the couple had agreed on a settlement amicably with each other through an Orange County private mediation.
The attorney of Mr. Adkins was clear on the fact that the agreement had been reached amicably, but was not willing to share any details of the settlement between the two spouses. The mediation settlement that has been concluded and agreed between the two spouse will not be workable until and unless it is approved by the family law court.
The couple had been married for over 16 years, and their marriage bore three children. Trace Adkins has always been one of the household names in the country music industry with his very first album having a platinum debut that had around five hits. Since then, he has gone on from strength to strength in his career having been nominated for a host of Grammy Awards.
According to various media outlets, the spouse of Trace Adkins, Rhonda, asked for primary custody of the children in addition to child and spousal support and then fees of her attorney to be paid. While the terms of both the parties were starkly against the other, the couple during their divorce mediation decided to reach a compromise. The primary reason for them to make a compromise was to make sure that their children were protected from the media glare that comes with high profile celebrity divorce court cases.
The case of Trace Adkins and his wife and how they decided to make sure that their dispute and its resolution remained private is a lesson in Orange County divorce mediation for all of us. It shows how the use of mediation can rescue couples from even the stickiest of situations and the bitterest of conflicts by talking their issues out in the presence of a mediator.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
The emotions usually associated with divorce are hurt, hatred, and bitterness. This is primarily because the most common display of divorce is in family law courts where each of the spouses is ready to fight the other spouse for all possessions. The picture of spouses fighting in courts on everything from asset distribution to child custody etc. means that the general perception of divorce is one of torment, torture, and unforgiving trials.
Divorce not Litigation
Orange County divorce in reality is simply the name given to the legal separation of two spouses from a relationship that they were unable to continue. Divorce does not have to mean hate or torment. There are a large number of ways that divorce can happen, the fact that litigation and court proceedings are common ways doesn’t make them divorce themselves. In reality, there are other methods such as Orange County divorce mediation that are on the rise.
Divorce Mediation – Friendly Divorce
Orange County divorce mediation is increasing day by day in its importance as a means of ending a ,marital relationship. Couples are turning to mediation for divorce because they are looking for a divorce that is able to legally end their relations without invading their privacy after a set limit. Mediation is also a more amicable and cordial way of dealing with the issues that arise out of divorce.
Issues such as child custody, visitation, and spousal support and alimony payments tend to be fiercely fought out in court but can be solved over table talk in mediation. Orange County divorce mediation can be considered the embodiment of the concept of a friendly divorce. A friendly divorce aims to make the process of legal separation between the two spouses more amicable.
In mediation, the Orange County divorce mediator sits alongside the two spouses to make sure that they are able to discuss and dissect hard hitting issues of divorce. While sparks can sometimes fly even in mediation proceedings, it is the role of the mediator to make sure that the discussion doesn’t detract and that a comfortable atmosphere prevails throughout the proceedings.
Traditional vs Friendly
Traditional divorce i.e. litigation is completely different to Orange County divorce mediation. In traditional mediation, the lawyers are representing the two spouses, and their job is not to create a win-win situation, but to make sure their client “wins.” In comparison, mediation involves only the mediator and the spouses. The mediator will take a lump sum fees at the start of the procedure, has no stake in stretching the duration of the mediation, and tries to create a situation where both parties walk away feeling satisfied over the distribution of assets.
Setting an Example
Often divorces have children involved. When children are involved in a divorce, a friendly divorce becomes much more important since the conduct of their parents will set an example for the child to follow. It is best that whenever you choose to divorce, you choose mediation since it allows you the chance of an amicable, friendly divorce.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
When two parties are unable to sort out their differences and live together while barely tolerating each other’s presence, the best option for such a couple is to look towards the solution of divorce. Orange County divorce is the name given to the method of divorce after separation of two spouses. Divorce tends to involve not only the division and breaking up of what was once a nice and healthy relation. It also ends up dividing the rest of the things that are attached to the couple such as their assets and children.
The Problem with Divorce
Owing to the affinity that people hold with their belongings and their children, divorce can often be one of the hardest decisions to make and stick to. While most spouses are looking to get rid of their spouses, they are reluctant to be exposed to the glare of the general public in the Orange County family law courts. This has been one of the leading reasons that while traditional Orange County divorce continues to be the main means of obtaining a divorce through the courts, there has been a change in the methods of getting divorced.
Alternatives on the Horizon
Increasingly, people are now looking towards alternative dispute resolution methods such as Orange County divorce mediation to make sure that their privacy is maintained. Divorce mediation as a process holds its roots in the concept of alternative dispute resolution that looks to lessen the workload on the courts and allows them to focus on more troubling cases where mediation is not a viable option.
Divorce Mediation
Orange County divorce mediation is a process that is designed to make sure that both of the spouses continue to keep cordial relations with each other. Spouses are allowed to hold their fates in their own hands during mediation, with any agreement at the end of the mediation process requiring both of the spouses to mutually agree on its contents.
This has also been one of the leading reasons that spouses have started to turn to mediation instead of litigation. Since it can offer them a greater level of privacy as well as control over their fate, which otherwise would have rested in the hands of the family court judge.
Effective Legal Separation
Orange County mediation has often been referred to as a method of divorce that is meant to be only applicable and not necessarily legally binding. This means that the prevailing perception is that Orange County divorce mediation is not a proper form of legal separation. This however is far from the truth. Simply put, the courts in California have moved to make sure that mediation continues to lessen their workload. They have through their judgments made sure that Orange County mediation agreements are legally binding and enforceable through courts.
This has meant that couples can now mutually and amicably decide on their fates after divorce and handle personal issues such as child custody, asset distribution and support payments out of the public glare.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
As time goes on, it seems that change is the only constant, and every aspect of life is undergoing a more modern transformation. The rapid speed at which these changes are happening has rendered several segments of the society unable to cope. Therefore, such segments have become incompatible in many regards to these changes. This is particularly true for some aspects of family law.
The Changes to the Family in Modern Times
The scale of changes has meant that divorce laws have started to be questioned by recent developments. A few of these notable changes can be:
- A generation or so ago, women having full time jobs was not as common as it is today. Now they are working outside of their houses, with many households having not one but two incomes.
- A few years ago, there were only a few states in the US, one of which was California, which had legalized same sex marriages. Yet, now with the recent decision of the Supreme Court making it legal throughout the US, the family laws such as those of divorce seem incompatible.
Incompatibility of the Law
These changes mean that the scope of the modern family has changed drastically. The California divorce and family laws for example are not meant to handle the complex issues that are arising as a result of these changes.
How do you determine the custody of the child between two same sex parents only one of whom is biologically related to the child? While the child may view both of them as parents, legally only one of them is the real parent owing to biological relations.
In addition, in homes where there are two sources of income one from each spouse, property division can be a serious issue, because neither party would want to settle for a smaller share or a share they don’t feel is proportionate to their contributions.
Mediating the Solution
Instead of using the courts to solve disputes, if we turn to Orange County divorce mediation, the needs of the modern family can be catered to, with decisions made based around common sense, mutual wisdom, and the needs of the family.
If both of the spouses can talk it out and make sure they understand each other’s point of views, Orange County divorce mediation gives them the chance to make a legally binding decision as they see fit, irrespective of its compatibility with the law. This, however, will only be applicable as long as both the spouses are mutually agreeing on the provisions of the agreement.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.
To most people in society and who have gone through a divorce, a divorce is considered as the end of the chapter of one’s married life. This however is not the case. Irrespective of the method of divorce you have gone through, whether it is an Orange County divorce mediation or litigation. Once you have divorced does not meant that you are doomed to be alone and shouldn’t remarry.
As the popular saying goes “The show must go on” so must your life. If you are willing to continue to live your life happily and successfully while keeping your past behind you, there should be no barrier to such a noble thought. In this article, we give you a few secrets that can help you form a successful second marital relation after the setback of the first.
Make Sure Your First Marriage Is Put To Rest
The only way you can build a successful relation in your second marriage is if you have put your first marriage to rest. Putting to rest here means making sure that legally there are no cases pertaining to your divorce and that you are emotionally and financially over your divorce. People who have gone through an Orange County divorce mediation to end their first marriage will usually find this easier to do.
Take A Look Back At The Reasons Of Failure Of The First Marriage
There is a reason that your first marriage ended up the way that it did. Hence you should look back at your first marriage’s mistakes and reasons for divorce and try and make sure they aren’t repeated in this marriage. A first marriage should work as a prototype where you can highlight your own weaknesses and issues and start to work on it for a better future.
Be Sure To Sort The Finances Out At The Start
The financial side of things in second marriages can be tricky with child support payments and alimony payments affecting your finances. As long as that is increasing your finances, it may not be as much of an issue as it would if you are the spouse that has to make these payments. In that case, it is best that you are open with your new spouses and that you talk them through your financial situation to avoid future issues.
Don’t Take The Baggage Of Negativity Into The New Relationship
Unless you have gotten a divorce through Orange County divorce mediation, the fights and the bickering in your divorce proceedings will leave you with a large amount of negativity in you. The key to making a new relationship work is to make sure that the negativity from your previous relationship is not taken out on the new person in your life. The new spouses that you are planning to live with had nothing to do with you previous divorce and you should make sure they don’t bear its brunt either.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.