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Consumers are starting to exploit the dark side of iPads. When this activity is taken to extremes and an iPad breaks, CPR becomes the ideal solution.

Consumers are beginning to discover the dark side of iPads. More and more owners of the popular gadgets are exploiting their iPads in sensation-crazed ways that would nauseate anyone with a conscience. Paul G. Pontificate, a certified CPR service technician, pontificates thusly, “I have an acquaintance who recently admitted to me that he loves to watch crashes on his iPad. It doesn’t matter what – trains smashing into cars, helicopters flailing like gyroscopes with its passengers screaming on a digitized recording, little boats getting smacked by ocean liners, or something even more atrocious pulled from YouTube. He should be ashamed.” Such people also like to tell racist jokes and the gorier the better.

Sometimes the dark side of iPad leads to extremes. Consumers drop them. Desensitizing images might make them careless toward their own device. In addition, these same desensitized consumers lose respect for their iPads and begin to nitpick about its flaws – “I hate my iPad, it can’t multi-task; my freaking iPad doesn’t have a camera or flash; my iPad is too big to flush down the toilet.”

As a consequence of such attitudes, expert service technicians at CPR are beginning to see a lot of damaged iPads. “People damage their iPads in incredible ways,” asserts CPR’s Pontificate, “They drop them and smash them – perhaps emulating some of the desensitizing images they’ve been watching for weeks and weeks. But the good news is that we can usually fix them.”

After their nurturing and positive experience at their nearest CPR, a typical consumer is more contrite. “Once their iPad is fixed, they tend to become all smiley and nice and less likely to head immediately for the dark, visually pornographic apps,” Pontificate blithely pontificates, “I’ve even seem them asking about religious apps and nature scene apps and pleasant tune apps and wondering where to find them.

Pontificate is often asked about his unusual name. “It’s Italian and pronounced ‘Pont-i-fi-ca-tay” he says proudly, pointing to his heritage. “I think that one of the Popes had the same surname if I’m not mistaken.” Unfortunately, he is mistaken – but not about CPR’s proven expertise when it comes to fixing iPads.

To learn more visit: http://www.chicagocellrepair.com

It’s nice to know that if you break your iPad, an independent repair shop can fix it.

Before they’d been off the shelves for an entire day, reports of iPads being damaged by consumers started to pour in. “I’m not sure what it is. Are people just being careless or are they real klutzes that should have ‘I’m stupid’ branded as painfully as possible into their foreheads?” said iPad chief pundit Kid L. Vicious. Vicious reported that most of the damaged iPads had been dropped, some from great heights. “One was dropped from the North Rim of the Grand Canyon by a consumer who was moonlighting as a tourist,” Vicious explained, “People who climb around precipices while holding an iPad just sicken me,” he said, in his characteristic raspy voice well-known to residents of Bayonne, New Jersey, where Vicious was born and raised. “Right behind one of the big oil tanks,” he remembers fondly, “We used to play in our kid street gangs on top of the things and hope one of us wasn’t pushed off.”

Typically when an iPad is dropped, the glass digitizer panel gets cracked. “Some of these consumers are so stupid they can get cut with the broken glass shards,” Vicious explains, “One guy I know got his cornea scratched that way, and he was howling in pain. It was sort of funny.”

The lack of human decency and compassion displayed by Kid L. Vicious notwithstanding, reports of dropped iPads are increasing. Other common repair problems occurring with the iPads involve the port at the bottom. Some consumers have reported issues when plugging their iPads into a computer application such as Windows 7, getting messages such as “device wasn’t recognized” or were simply unable to connect their iPads to a computer. Some consumers were unable to get their iPads charged. They’d plug it into a socket and nothing would happen.

Although Kid L. Vicious would probably recommend something less helpful or even something unprintable, a more prudent course of action is simply to go to your nearest independent repair shop – but please remember to take your broken iPad with you. If you don’t bring it, it can’t be repaired. At the independent repair shop, a certified service technician will be eager to help.

Jeff Gasner is with CPR-Cell Phone repair. The leader in Cell Phone Repair and iPod Repair offering cell phone repair services nationwide. Visit http://www.chicagocellrepair.com

Now that consumers have learned to their chagrin that simply holding their iPhone4 wonder toys can lead to dropped calls, they may wish to really drop them – if only for a fateful second. If that should happen, it’s nice to know that a friendly independent repair shop is just around the corner.

Namby R. Pamby never realized that he and the legendary Darth Vader might have something in common. One day, he was using his newest wonder toy, Apple’s iPhone4, as – of all things – a phone, and he suddenly dropped a call. Around the corner, conveniently as it happened, was an independent repair shop. Mr. Pamby walked in, obviously upset, and when asked, handed his distressed gadget to an expert service technician behind the counter. The technician, observant for a geek, noticed the tell-tale sign.

“Do you always hold your iPhone 4 like that,” he said.

Namby nodded.

The geek was suddenly transformed into a know-it-all superhero, minus the cape and tights. “That’s the classic ‘death-grip’ that’s been going around,” he said, full of certainty, “You weren’t holding the phone correctly.”

Improperly chastened, Mr. Pamby felt unjustly proud. No one had ever accused him of having a death grip. Namby was intrigued at the potential of being considered all-powerful – like Darth Vader. Still, he’d inexplicably dropped a call. He wanted to know why.

Mr. Pamby’s look, a visage both subservient and dominant simultaneously, demanded an explanation from the service technician.

“When you hold it that way, it blocks the antenna’s reception,” the counter geek explained, “It’s a wraparound antenna unique to the iPhone4.”

The call was important. It was a direct communication with Namby’s mother, Pammy Pamby. Feeling a sudden surge of omnipotent rage, Namby Pamby inexplicably hurled his iPhone against the opposite wall. “It’s supposed to be a phone!” he screamed in his soft, sweet way – a strange and awe-inspiring sound you had to hear to believe. Tears were rolling down his cheeks.

The geek calmly picked up the phone, its view screen suddenly shattered, and intoned in his most compassionate voice tone, “It’s okay. We can fix it. Come back in an hour.”

Namby R. Pamby walked into a nearby Starbucks, a ubiquitous one, and drowned his sorrows in a gentle mocha. When some time had elapsed, he re-entered the independent repair shop not knowing what to expect.

“It’s fixed,” said the expert service technician. The now contrite Mr. Pamby was all coffee-colored smiles. “Be careful with that death grip,” the service technician warned, “You’re no Vader.”

Jeff Gasner is with CPR-Cell Phone repair. The leader in Cell Phone Repair and iPod Repair offering cell phone repair services nationwide. Visit http://www.chicagocellrepair.com.

The iPhone4 will be the best smart phone yet, but what if it breaks? Your best option will be taking it to your nearest independent repair shop.

It will seemingly be able to do it all. It will be able to record in high-definition video at 720 pixels for 30 frames per second. It will come standard with a front-facing camera that will be a “must-have” for video chats, especially considering the recently upgraded Skype app along with Apple’s new Face Time feature, even though it won’t be until December at the earliest when Face Time will function between two iPhone4’s and even then only over Wi-Fi. In addition to the front-facing camera, the iPhone4 will come standard with a 5-megapixel camera on the back – complete with a LED flash. Images will be able to be focused by tap, while photos and videos will be geotagged, in other words, digital data arriving with the image will include the location of where the image or video was taken. They’ll also be an iMovie app for the phone — a mobile editing tool which will be just the thing for aspiring filmmakers, even kids quick on the uptake.

It will be Apple’s newest smartphone, Steve Job’s iPhone4 that will set up with almost anything. In fact, the one feature that wasn’t included was a deal with a new wireless carrier. The deal wasn’t landed because there are already dozens of Android phones already out. That said, the new iPhone4 will be engineered with aluminosilicate glass, the same stuff used in high speed trains and helicopters, designed to be 20 times stiffer and 30 times stronger than plastic. So this new iPhone will have incredible curb appeal, right? With a diameter of just 0.47 inches it will also be thinner than any smart phone already on the market, and that means, breakable. Who will fix it if your iPhone4 should break? Your friendly geeks at your nearest independent repair shop will know exactly what to do. They aren’t certified service technicians for their looks, at least not usually. (Ladies, a guy’s handsomeness is subjective, especially when they are very smart, and can fix your smart phone.)

Jeff Gasner is with CPR-Cell Phone repair. The leader in Cell Phone Repair and iPod Repair offering cell phone repair services nationwide. Visit http://www.chicagocellrepair.com.

Will the iPhone4 be better than the DROID incredible? Perhaps more important, what can consumers do if either of these gizmos break?

The new iPhone 4 contains features that surpass the DROID Incredible, if only by virtue of the proprietary Apple software and hardware involved. That said, think ditto in reverse for the DROID Incredible. If you want to compare both with the HTC EVO 4G don’t even go there. But if it’s Apple’s and a DROID that float your boat, know that the iPhone4 will be sold with a stainless steel band that will be almost X-rated while coupling; this band will be 4 times stronger than steel and allow for the iPhone4’s extra thin and rigid design. Both the front and the back of the newest iPhone will be made with engineered aluminosilicate glass which is the same thing that’s used in high speed trains and helicopters. The stuff is 20 times stiffer and 30 times stronger than plastic. Very durable indeed, you say. The DROID incredible is incredibly made out of plastic. So Apple is already bragging about the iPhone4’s “curb appeal.” Will that mean it will be indestructible? Think about it. The gizmo will weigh a mere 4.8 ounces (137 grams), be only 4.5 inches tall, 2.31 inches wide, and 0.37 inches in diameter. What respectable human monster couldn’t break something that size, no matter what it’s made of? The DROID Incredible weighs 4.59 ounces (130 grams), measures 4.63 inches tall by 2.3 inches wide by 0.47 inches in diameter. How breakable is that? It’s made of freaking plastic, you figure it out. One reason why the supposedly indestructible iPhone4 is so very breakable might have to do with its depth: The iPhone4 is considerably thinner than the DROID Incredible.

Before it’s inevitably broken, the iPhone4 will offer a stultifying 7 hours of talk time on 3G and 14 hours on 2G with standby time of up to 300 hours. The Droid Incredible offers a semblance of Apple’s yak-yak prowess, but only a semblance.
Okay, now let’s assume the worst. Your iPhone4 and your DROID Incredible are both broken simultaneously. For a host of reasons, and you’re not a parasite, taking either back to the manufacturer is not an option. You’re out dollars. What to do? Don’t panic, take one or both phones to your nearest independent repair shop. Certified service technicians there – in a word, resident geeks, should be able to get either gizmo going again.

Jeff Gasner is with CPR-Cell Phone repair. The leader in Cell Phone Repair and iPod Repair offering cell phone repair services nationwide. Visit http://www.chicagocellrepair.com.

But seniors have accidents and can drop or damage their iPads. They should know about CPR’s expert service technicians. Please tell an elder iPad owner about the CPR secret.

Gorfna Papufna, a 76-year-old retired teacher, has never been especially enamored with every new tech gadget that comes along. But there the ugly old woman was at the Apple store, a forbidding presence in her own right, looking rather incongruous, although she’d just been playing with her grandson’s iPad and suddenly she wanted one. “I want your iPad Tommy,” she said, “Give it to me.” The boy, a nerdy 14-year-old, felt a flush of horror. “No,” he said simply. He didn’t really like his grandma much. She was from the old country and he wasn’t even sure what country that was.

But Grandma Gorfna was not to be denied. She began thrashing with the teenager, and surprised him enough that he released his hold on the precious iPad and Grandma Possession became nine-tenths of the law. Her hand was like a claw from one of those monster movies. He glared at his grandma, showing disrespect.

Over the next several days, Grandma returned home with Tommy’s family, an arrangement made in Hell, and to her small apartment in the basement. Grandma Gorfna went everywhere in their house with “her” iPad. But one day she wasn’t careful enough, and dropped it, and broke it. The LCD screen was cracked. “It can’t be fixed,” the old embittered woman declared. She was filled with a kind of woe which reminded her of rabid dogs fighting for scraps in the old country – wherever that was.

But Tommy knew what could be done. He was a streetwise kid and knew the score. He knew the secret. He knew that he could take the iPad to CPR. They’d fix it for sure. He was just waiting her out.

Finally one day, he took the iPad that had once been his to the CPR shop. The boy knew about the in-house geeks – expert service technicians proficient in the repair of iPads. Those canny geeks fixed the boy’s device while he waited. He brought it home. When Grandma Gorfna saw it again, she thought it was magic when she noticed Tommy playing with it. Being too superstitious for her own good, she snatched it from her very surprised grandson once again. Raised it above her head, and smashed it on the cement floor. “It was broken,” she said, “and now it works again. It has to be a demon’s spell.”

“Grandma,” said Tommy, “It wasn’t a demon. I took it to CPR and they fixed it.”

So the old woman learned the secret too.

To learn more visit: http://www.chicagocellrepair.com

It is in the realm of possibility for iPads to cannibalize iPod Touch devices, but what do you do if your iPad is cannibalized? If it is still intact enough to be repaired, take it to your nearest CPR.

I was familiar enough with human cannibals, most of them from primitive areas of New Jersey, in the jungle there that develops amid the poison ivy in the summertime, but this cannibalism by devices was a novelty to me. Still, if the rumors were true, iPads were beginning to cannibalize iPod Touch devices, and the mere thought of it was so creepy it sent chills up my spine.

I thought I would do some investigating, to see if there was any substance to the rumors. I placed an iPad right next to an iPod Touch on top of a blanket, and switched on a convenient camcorder to record their actions. Which one would be the aggressor? I waited. For the longest time, both the iPad and the iPod Touch seemed extremely passive. I could be patient, and in fact, had ample time to waste. I took my eyes away for just a moment and suddenly saw it – yes, it was the iPad being positively vicious, that little electronic cannibal, but finally I couldn’t stand the cannibalizing anymore and I separated the two devices – nearly losing a finger and a toe in the process. A toe you’re saying? Don’t ask. But I knew that the iPod was fine, and, actually, reverse cannibalism had been occurring, and it was the iPad that was injured, partly cannibalized, so I knew that my iPad’s only chance for repair was to be taken down to the nearest CPR shop, where an expert service technician can fix an injured iPad – even one that’s been cannibalized by a crazed iPod.

I walked down, trotted actually in my jogging shoes, a pair of Nikes, and walked into the CPR where a couple of in-house geeks, expert service technicians, immediately knew what had happened.

“Cannibalized iPad?” The taller geek said, and then the words I’d been craving, “Don’t worry. We can fix it good as new.” Within an hour, he did just that – while I waited, chewing the fat, actually a piece of jerky.

To learn more visit: http://www.chicagocellrepair.com

Apple’s popular iPad is selling so well that it’s being rolled out into nine international markets. But what if someone mistakenly rolls your iPad off a cliff, what can you do to fix it? Independent repair shops are rapidly filling that need.

Starting May 28, 2010, Apple has announced that its amazingly popular iPad will be available in nine international markets, with preordering beginning on May 10. In July, additional launches will bring the iPad to countries like Belgium and Hong Kong. More than a million iPads have been sold since the gadget first came out on April 3.

As of May 28, iPads will be available in Australia, Canada, France, Germany, Italy, Japan, Spain, Switzerland, and the UK. Earlier, the iPad had sold in amazing fashion in the United States, a place where only centenarians are snapping them up at a slightly slower pace. July will take the iPad market to more countries, including Austria (birthplace of Adolf Hitler), Belgium, Hong Kong (not the birthplace of King Kong), Ireland, Luxembourg, Mexico, the Netherlands, New Zealand, and Singapore. Release dates for an additional nine countries beyond those are currently in the works. Who knows? Maybe Togo and Andorra are on that list. Apple is looking to make $62.6 billion in profit by the end of May – almost like Exxon.

But what happens when someone in some far-off place brings back their tattered, broken iPad into a friendly country – such as the United States – and suddenly wishes to see their device become whole again? Hello. Does an iPad get fixed when you want to use it again? Manufacturer’s warranties with distributors are often not available – like they were with the first Smartphones. Where do you take one of these things to be repaired, once you’ve dropped it into the swimming pool or off your sun roof? Who is able to fix your iPad that you figured was tatered? The answer may be staring you in the face, depending upon where you are of course. Think Indy, as in independent repair shop. At places like that, where they used to just fix cell phones, their in-house geeks, expert service technicians all, can repair your iPad good as new – even if it originally came from Andorra, as in the very near future – it very well might.

Jeff Gasner is with CPR-Cell Phone repair. The leader in Cell Phone Repair and iPod Repair offering cell phone repair services nationwide. Visit http://www.chicagocellrepair.com.

During the first week of April, Apple tried to address some issues that customers were having with their new iPad. But when your iPad really breaks, independent repair shops are often able to fix it.

It’s been reported that many iPad owners have been experiencing issues with the gadget’s wireless connection – typically bad reception and slow speeds. According to one disgruntled iPad owner, “I would have done better with a pencil and a napkin.” Since the first week of April, no fooling, Apple has been offering troubleshooting tips to help owners who have moved beyond exasperation to find a tiny bit of solace.

There’s a Knowledge Base article for general iPad wireless issues that’s been circulating for awhile, but now Apple has generated a piece from their in-house geeks that is geared to problems, specifically that the device is not reconnecting to wireless networks.  At least that single issue has received some attention, albeit scant. Praise the Apple, kneel and praise the Apple.

If your iPad isn’t reconnecting to your network, and you’re using a dual-band router, Apple wants you to rename your wireless networks. I can help there. If your wireless network is nicknamed “Bill,” instead you can call it Tom, or even Pat, especially if you don’t mind risking gender confusion.  Actually, Apple’s suggestions are a lot more helpful, and these problems can at least be more easily resolved than they could, say – back in March.

But what if your iPad really breaks? You just dropped it on the concrete, or into the crapper, or some unknown household pet has been chewing it. Where will Apple be then? In fact, if you can’t depend on Apple for the real repairs, especially if you don’t want to be without your iPad for like – months – your next destination should be an independent repair shop – for instance, the one nearest you.  Places like this have their own geeks, expert service technicians, who know how to repair iPads, even yours. They don’t particularly care if your pet happens to be a rambunctious something or other with very sharp teeth, even fangs, as long as you don’t bring your pet into the shop when you’re getting the broken iPad repaired. While devices like iPads perhaps used to be a mystery to such folks, nowadays …

Jeff Gasner is with CPR-Cell Phone repair. The leader in Cell Phone Repair and iPod Repair offering cell phone repair services nationwide. Visit http://www.chicagocellrepair.com.

The Slate is coming, and we’re not talking in the distant future, soon these things will be challenging the iPad and they’ll be getting broken and wet and taken to the nearest CPR to be fixed – that is the way of the techno-world, it has to be.

There’s a teaser video about the Slate that shows you what you’d be getting. It’s going to give the iPad a run for its money, which is figurative when you’re talking tablets. HP has stepped up to the plate, and R & D means something again. The Slate’s built-in camera has a 3MP lens in back and a front-facing VGA camera for video conferencing. There’s a single USB 2.0 port, an SD card reader, a “conventional” SIM tray for 3G networking, and HDMI-out video capabilities and 1080p playback via the Slate’s proprietary dock connector.The pixel display is state-of-the-art (although it’s slightly smaller and lower res than the iPad), and its 1.6GHz Intel Atom processor is something your grandfather didn’t find under his hood. The Slate is a tad taller, narrower, and thicker than the iPad, and also a tad lighter – it weighs only 1.49 pounds instead of 1.5 pounds. Its Windows 7 is a full-on, multitasking, desktop-caliber OS, and if it comes with a SIM tray the Slate will be about $80 cheaper – at $549.

You are really going to love this device, so when it’s available, go out and buy one. You have my permission. You’re really going to love your new toy, utterly and completely. Look at everything it can do – until suddenly it can’t. You’ve accidently dropped it into the toilet bowl when Herbie, your 8-year-old’s no longer beloved parakeet started singing – and you were so angry you strangled it – there was a startled parrot squawk in miniature, a last one, a dénouement. Your 8-year-old shrieked when she saw what you did, to the parakeet and to the Slate, and you gave her the dead little bird, promising to bury it in the backyard, as you ran out of the house with the Slate in hand, wet, and no longer functioning. Your destination was CPR, the nearest one, as this was an emergency, and you garbled something about murdering your daughter’s beloved pet, and not meaning to, although you did mean to, and the expert service technician examined your Slate, and uttered the magic words, “Calm down sir … We can fix this. Yes we can. You’re at CPR.”

To learn more visit: Chicagocellrepair.com.