Irrespective of the context of a divorce, the need for each of the spouses to have contact with and meet their children remains. This can be a tricky exercise since kids will be in the custody of the opposing parent. Irrespective of that however, if this meeting of the spouses with their children over short periods of time can be managed effectively, it will result in a healthy relationship developing between the two former spouses. The best way to do that is to manage it in a way that continues to respect the integrity, respect, and authority of the parent who has custody and allows the other parent to become more and more accessible.
While the above paragraph outlines a rosy picture that can be achieved with the two spouses working together, in reality there are limits that each of the spouses should create and adhere to after a divorce to avoid hurting the other party or having negative effect on their child’s well being. Here is a list of a few steps that you can use to set boundaries with your spouse.
Talk About Less Things
Irrespective of the way of divorce you have chosen, whether it is through Orange County divorce mediation or through divorce litigation, there is bound to be some bitterness between the two spouses. This bitterness tends to come to the fore when former spouses are going to talk about sensitive issues. Therefore, it is best that you decide with your spouse on only having to communicate on a few topics preferably the ones that concern the welfare and health of the child.
Exhibit Mutual Respect
While the mutual admiration between the two spouses is unlikely to exist after a divorce, they should both work to make sure there continues to be mutual respect. Mutual respect is usually lost in long fought divorce cases in courts. If you have used Orange County divorce mediation, there is sure to be some sort of mutual respect between the two spouses. Make sure that this mutual respect is maintained at all times in conversations, and limit your emotions from coming into play.
Keep Your Most Valuable Assets (The Kids) Away from the Drama
This is one of the most important steps to follow, since it not only involves the well being of you and your former spouse but most importantly the well being of your kids. Never use the kids as messengers to send messages to the other spouse. Children should be kept as far away from their parent’s unhealthy relationship as possible. One of the most important things in this regards is also to make sure you refrain from abusing, criticizing, or negatively portraying the other spouses.
This is because although your divorce may have hurt you, to the kids that person remains his /her parent.
Gerald A. Maggio is a trained Orange County divorce mediator who has amicably resolved cases many cases out of court, as well as an experienced divorce and family law attorney. Mr. Maggio founded California Divorce Mediators in 2012 with the belief that although “not every marriage can be saved, every family can” and a mission to save families from the financial and emotional distress associated with traditional divorce litigation. California Divorce Mediators is located in Irvine, California, and serves the Orange County area and other counties in California offering divorce mediation, child custody mediation and mediation of other family law matters.