When it comes to the toxic effects of a divorce, one of the hardest things to be effected by such a situation are the children involved in the marriage, and at times, parents tend to overcompensate for their sufferings through an extra shower of care, love, and affection. While care can be fine, at times, dads have been labeled for being too over enthusiastic in trying to make up for the child’s sufferings because of the divorce. Through their actions, they try to rid themselves of the guilt that they feel of having been responsible for the mental and emotional torment that was suffered by their child.
Here are some tips to avoid spoiling your kids out of guilt after divorce:
· Talk To Them As Much As They Want
Talking to your kids whenever they want to talk is a sign from your side that you are always there for them.
· Be Consistent
If you make lofty promises, try and fulfill them. However, it is better if you don’t make promises that are hard to keep. Parenting needs to consistent and if you continue to pamper the child and make fairytale promises, there will be a time when it’ll become hard for you to fulfill your commitments and that might leave your kid disappointed.
· Small Surprises Are Also Worth A Lot
Most of the times, there are instances when you try and go overboard with the surprises and gifts and that can be acceptable on big occasions like birthdays and other achievements. Yet, what you have to understand is that your kids don’t always want the best of the world from you, sometimes it’s those little notes of appreciation that can show them you love them and care for them.
· Make Sure Discipline Isn’t Compromised
It is one thing loving and caring for your child and quite another to turn a blind eye to all that he/she does. When it comes to children, even those who have suffered through a divorce need to be disciplined from time to time. Always be firm on matters of discipline and let the child know that you will not tolerate ill discipline and given any concessions on that.
· Let the Kids be Kids
Your kids are kids and should be treated as such. You are the parent and neither they nor you can reverse the roles. Irrespective of the feelings you have about the other spouse, always make sure that you keep them to yourself in front of the kids. Treating the kids like kids also means making sure they stay in their limit. If you don’t care about their limits, gradually, they won’t care about their limits at all.
Gerald A. Maggio is an experienced Orange County divorce and family law attorney and family law attorney located in Irvine, California, serving the Orange County and Riverside areas. Mr. Maggio assists clients with legal issues including divorce, legal separation, divorce mediation, child custody, prenuptial agreements, stepparent adoptions, and other family law issues. Mr. Maggio has practiced law in California since 1999, and founded The Maggio Law Firm in 2005, focusing exclusively on divorce and family law matters.