Staying amicable with an ex-spouse who probably put you through veritable hell is something that is probably inconceivable. In some instances, such as when domestic violence or other egregious circumstances are involved, it is understandable or even advisable to stay your distances.
However, when children are involved, partners who were once bonded by marriage will, in some form or fashion, still have to deal with each other when it comes to joint parenting or issues concerning the children, no matter who is paying child support or who thinks they got the shorter end of the stick.
Divorced couples whose goal is to raise well-adjusted kids in light of the divorce and separation have some work ahead of them that requires balance, commitment and a keen focus from both sides. They both must come together as a unified front for the betterment of the children.
Of course, there are the classic emotional stages of divorce that most couples find themselves going through. There is the guilt and shame that usually occurs when there is the feeling of failure – all normal reactions to the drastic changes of divorce. No doubt that there may be an emotional roller coaster of grief. Subconsciously, or at many levels, there may be denial, bargaining, resentment, anger and acceptance –all are on the vast spectrum of emotions people feel after a divorce.
There can be much to be gained by remaining allies, even though communication or mutual respect has diminished in your marital relationship. Being civil and maintaining family ties on both sides can ensure balance and equilibrium for children who need stability and extended emotional support more than ever. It is always good to remember to put your children first. Do not be petty by rehashing old arguments and opening up old wounds. Try to also be inclusive. Involve each other in your children’s milestones, shortcomings and achievements.
To let go of resentment and the emotional baggage of a failed marriage and the many disconnects that might have occurred, the idea of maintaining some sort of harmony in front of and around the children will always speak volumes and can also help your children adjust to the divorce and become well-adjusted adults in the long run.