A New Year UnResolution for Hillary

This New Year, Hillary Lumpkin finally gave up on resolutions.

She and everyone that knows her can agree that she is so far from perfect. If a sign points to go one direction, she would go the other. This is not just pure rebellion, but total ignorance for not looking up at her surroundings, never noticing the way long weeds bend toward the breeze.

But this year is different. Her 2011 Zodiac yearly astrology forecast says she is bound for a bizarre year. Instead of fretting over the future, she called Matt Lockhard, a California independent health insurance agent that she just took out health insurance from, for his predictions. “I predict you will be protected in case you fall ill, or break a bone, or get trampled by Harry Potter fanatics, because you are insured now,” Matt said.

This year she will acknowledge all her imperfections and she will have a New Year’s Un-Resolution as she wrote her top 10 list:

1)       I will decide not to try to be on time for anything

2)      I will continue to mispronounce “documentary” as “Doc-you-men-TARY”

3)      I will continue to eat carbs

4)      I will weigh myself morning, noon or night, and accept the fact that I will always weigh less in the morning

5)      I will never publish my great American novel and I will never win a Pulitzer prize

6)      I am finally resolved that I will never win Powerball

7)      That luck will continue to not happen to unlucky people

8)      And that the power of The Secret is a farce

9)      I will starve myself until I pass out to see if I can weigh less than 140 lbs. in my lifetime

10)  I will continue to contribute to the total destruction of earth by participating in mass consumption, mass pollution and mass annihilation

And so she kept this list in her journal so that she could keep referring to it just in case she ever felt like she was even closely perfect or somewhat significant for a minute second.

Hillary also decided to blog her list with others on the Internet. To Hillary’s surprise, it grew into a massive movement. This movement finally prompted her to pen her novel and win the Pulitzer Prize, which resulted the power of The Secret to kick in, and she became a very lucky person to where she won the Powerball not just once, but twice!

She was able to afford a gourmet health-food chef and a personal trainer and she finally weighed below 140. With all that has happened to her, she finally felt good and so assured of herself that she set up organizations that helped address the world’s limited resources by investing heavily in alternative energy. She went on to establishing other organizations to help aid over-consumption and pollution, along with humanitarian organizations that helped the needy and the oppressed.

“With my un-resolution story, I impart you the greatness it bestowed upon my life,” she said to Matt, the independent California health insurance agent. “Thanks for keeping me covered throughout it all!”

Matt Lockard – California Health Insurance agency offers health insurance plans for individuals, families, and children. Also available are California Medicare Supplement policies. Go to http://mattsinsurance4ca.com to get an instant health insurance quote.

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