Consumers are starting to exploit the dark side of iPads. When this activity is taken to extremes and an iPad breaks, CPR becomes the ideal solution.
Consumers are beginning to discover the dark side of iPads. More and more owners of the popular gadgets are exploiting their iPads in sensation-crazed ways that would nauseate anyone with a conscience. Paul G. Pontificate, a certified CPR service technician, pontificates thusly, “I have an acquaintance who recently admitted to me that he loves to watch crashes on his iPad. It doesn’t matter what – trains smashing into cars, helicopters flailing like gyroscopes with its passengers screaming on a digitized recording, little boats getting smacked by ocean liners, or something even more atrocious pulled from YouTube. He should be ashamed.” Such people also like to tell racist jokes and the gorier the better.
Sometimes the dark side of iPad leads to extremes. Consumers drop them. Desensitizing images might make them careless toward their own device. In addition, these same desensitized consumers lose respect for their iPads and begin to nitpick about its flaws – “I hate my iPad, it can’t multi-task; my freaking iPad doesn’t have a camera or flash; my iPad is too big to flush down the toilet.”
As a consequence of such attitudes, expert service technicians at CPR are beginning to see a lot of damaged iPads. “People damage their iPads in incredible ways,” asserts CPR’s Pontificate, “They drop them and smash them – perhaps emulating some of the desensitizing images they’ve been watching for weeks and weeks. But the good news is that we can usually fix them.”
After their nurturing and positive experience at their nearest CPR, a typical consumer is more contrite. “Once their iPad is fixed, they tend to become all smiley and nice and less likely to head immediately for the dark, visually pornographic apps,” Pontificate blithely pontificates, “I’ve even seem them asking about religious apps and nature scene apps and pleasant tune apps and wondering where to find them.
Pontificate is often asked about his unusual name. “It’s Italian and pronounced ‘Pont-i-fi-ca-tay” he says proudly, pointing to his heritage. “I think that one of the Popes had the same surname if I’m not mistaken.” Unfortunately, he is mistaken – but not about CPR’s proven expertise when it comes to fixing iPads.
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