Tale of the Wooden Gate

Jack DeVries was an expert at making gates for fences, but erecting entire fences was beyond the scope of his expertise. For reasons peculiar, he felt the same way about health insurance, and California Health Insurance agent Matt Lockard had a solution.

They were everywhere. Dotting the grasslands of California were vestigial gates, the beginnings of fences, thousands of such ethereal structures acting as portals to emptiness. These creations were made by one Jack DeVries, an artist hailing from Modesto. One day the quasi-celebrity strolled in to California Health Insurance agent Matt Lockard’s office. “I was expecting you,” Matt said.

“I’ve heard of you,” DeVries said.

“And I of you,” countered perhaps the most celebrated California Health Insurance agent in all of Ventura.

The obvious question hung in the air. Why does DeVries do it? Leave so much to the imagination, unfenced, leave gates constructed that anyone could walk around in a few steps, and well, just enter.

The answers began pouring out of Jack DeVries’s gob, a trickle of words that grew into a torrent. DeVries spoke of a fixation, a fetish if you will, and perfection spent entirely with every detail tended to: To Jack DeVries, the Devil was indeed in the details, trapped in the gate. The artist’s only stipulation was that his gates be wooden.

It was then that Matt Lockard learned that the maker of stranded gates felt similarly about insurance. “I need a plan that is like my lovely gates,” the artist voiced in an odd creaking tenor that reminded Matt of a gate opening wide enough to let a health insurance salesman in.

Matt knew instantly what the man desired in his heart of hearts. “Oh, you must want a PPO Plan,” he said simply, a bit like Yoda in that movie.

Jack DeVries smiled a gate-like grin, and this time when he pursed his lips they made a creaking sound.

Matt Lockard had known immediately that a PPO bore a certain similitude to the gates. Although without accompanying fences, these unfinished structures were precisely perfect in every nuance, just as a PPO tailored to Jack DeVries would feature the masterpieces of physicians specializing in every aspect of a certain artist’s personal health care.

“That’s exactly what I need,” Jack DeVries croaked again, “How did you know?”

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